So whats the plan ?

Ive just come to a crashing realisation . What are we all looking for on line ? We are looking for something that we didn't feel the need for or find important before the Internet exploded into our everyday lives . Yes I think most readers of this blog will remembers those days . Today there is no going back . The evils its brought are all consuming ( you know im right ) but the benefits of a wider connection can be beneficial .
   Why do I publish my inner thoughts to a random audience ? Why do others also ? Because necessity is the mother of all invention . Real life doesn't give usually opportunities ( mine anyway ) to have deep conversations , This is the problem . We want to connect to like minded people . We throw this to the hand of fate , strangely .
   If you are of a similar age to me and you are thrashing around trying to grasp at some kind of everyday satisfaction I suggest this is always going to be so for the rest of your days  . It will be this way for me anyway , and I guess it will be for others . So whats the plan for us like minded types eh ? We may be half way through our lives and we are still not completely poised . A plan is needed . All this thrashing needs consolidating into a mind set of some use .
  I have a theory that being conscious for over 40 years causes a build up of stress . Not so long ago life expectancy was 45 !  By then it was all over . Today its just really getting going ! By the time we die just think of all the extra mental input and energy we will have expended compared to 150 years ago ! This maybe the curse of our age ...

Something to cheer up a dreary , weary , muddy , wet drizzly winters afternoon .... Oh I forgot dark !

The Winged Bull

So what am I reading at the moment ? Well Ive finally got round to reading some Dion Fortune again , in fact her final novel The Winged Bull . I am barely a chapter in and up crops a character who randomly picks up a book by J.C Jung about the subconscious and is amazed as on the cover is an image he has just seen as a statue the day before ( a synchronicity that I guess will be revealed later in the book ) Well it gave me a shock to as Jung has been very much on my mind , and having found a reference to him in another story I read by A . Crowley that was so revealing personally , I regard this twist as a personal synchronicity with bells on !
  As I said a few weeks ago and discussed with another blogger , I thought Jung's theory's were pretty much the essence of " magic " or very near a parallel at least . As I read further into the book I feel I will be proved right....  

                                                                                                     

Toa / water

I read recently that water is the strongest substance in existence because it does not resist . The more you think about this statement the more examples you will discover to back it up . It was also said to be a good example of the workings of the Way of Toa !

Once again it returns....

Tonight I feel very strange indeed . I feel a familiar atmosphere in my thoughts and I feel the close presence , very close of a truth of finding something odd . Its a smell in my nostrils and a feeling  . Its a little dizzy but its a sweet smell  .
   Off course ive written before about how charged the atmosphere becomes in the grounds of a Manor house near where I live , and this year its  appeared bang on time again . Tonight its dry and crisp , but with sporadic blustery showers . There is a tangible , excitable old sense of tension in these garden grounds . I can feel a direct portal of atmosphere directly back in time to Victorian days . Its in the sound of the winter gales in the tree tops . It sounds like a distant stormy sea . If I was to walk round these gardens in the dark ( as I had to last year ) it would still feel as it did in my childhood . It still feels electric tonight . It does every January . Something is there . An elemental that appears at the turn of every year . It will never die . The nearest example of the feeling im talking about is when you see a deserted fair ground on a winters bright windy afternoon by the sea . Sorry , that's as close as I can get .
  Ive called this the Wuthering Heights time of year in the past as this place is rumoured to have been one of the inspirations behind the novel . My family has had several synchronicitys in this field . The brightening of the winter days triggers this . A tremendous energy is released . Doors will rattle and knock . Water will play up ect . Its a yearly cycle too as looking back at my entries last year will reveal . I may go back and tag such posts . It would be interesting ...

Bravo !

I truly thought I had been on the end of every water based problem known to man until just now . I just popped down the road for 10 minutes . On returning I find ive left the kettle boiling on the Aga . The steady flow of steam from the spout had loosened a Christmas card on the wall over head and it had dropped onto the Aga surface which is hot . I caught it smouldering as I came in . Water trying to cause a fire . Ive seen it all , really !!! If I had a camera I would have posted a photo . Bizarre indeed .
    This kind of incident makes me nervous . Its a classic example of how " shit happens " . Its a freak occurrence . You cant prepare for things like this . You cant fight them . They never used to happen which is why they are happening today . Simple . I shall be vigilant now , for a while anyway.

A startling discovery

I found myself reading a book yesterday about the history of a valley near where I live called Grizedale . It was once a thriving place in the 1800's , but gradually people left over time and its now virtually uninhabited  . This book is a record of stories and the characters who used to live there .
     One thing which really alarmed me as I read , was how many disasters unexpected and tragic happened back then ( as you may expect due to mining or the building of the Settle to Carlisle railway  ) . Life was hard and dangerous .One story told of a freak accident involving a boy falling off a horse and cart and dying . A sad story , but what shook me really was that today where I live such equivalent tragedy's are still happening , and are just as unexpected or unforeseen  .
     For example in the Grizedale  the valley a young girl was trampled by her horse and died in a freak accident just two years ago . Really heart wrenching stuff . I remember it well . Other untimely tragedy's have happened in my valley too , but the details are not important to my point I'm about to make. Im not making a suggestion of anything spooky going on here , just the fact that tragedies continue to occur despite our modern precautions , wisdom and awareness . NOTHING can stop them , nothing ever has ! To see similar circumstances several generations ago has rattled me . Times have not changed . There might be a saviour to rescue you in the next world , who knows ? But in this one I think its quite obvious there is none , really . Harsh ? History says otherwise !

Strange lyrics

Here are some bizarre song lyrics from a Centre Parks holiday commercial I saw on T.V today  . I have no idea who sings the song .

" I had so many moon friends , but then the sun came crashing in .
  Nothing but epiphanies  , and nothing but possibilities....  "    

I HAVE A GROWING SENSE THIS IS A PREDICTION !

The Heck Do I Know?: I guess even my car wants to get into the "poking ...

The Heck Do I Know?: I guess even my car wants to get into the "poking ...: On these most festive of days, especially for our Christian friends, I noticed just a lil sumpin' coming up on my car's odometer thi...

TWIX - "Ideologies" Commercial - Extended Version

    c

Christianity  V  Occultism  ?

A post of questionable relevance.....

Ive read about how hard it is for people post peak experience , and yes the ordinary world is mundane , and it keeps coming everyday . Very bored tonight really . Read a bit , watched TV a bit , just waiting for Christmas day , then New Year . I hear we are in for an almighty storm tomorrow that will bring a weather system in of a possible record low pressure . Its come over , the weather forecaster tells me from Eastern Canada . He was quite specific about that.....

Exhausting every inch of force ?

Today is the the 21st of December , the shortest day . My birthday no less . I cant sleep as the moon is shining through my window . Well I sensed it was there before  the clouds parted . As they parted my suspicions were confirmed ! Ah ha ... gottcha  ! Lurking in the dark hazey night , all hidden from the ordinary world . Yes im hyped ,,,no I cant sleep . Ive strained my arm and shoulder which isn't helping either as I cant get comfortable in any position to sleep.
   Ive learnt a lot this year . Ive learnt to accept the amazing . Ive learnt that sometimes " shit just a happens " , ive learnt to say goodbye  to things when I don't want to . Ive learnt when not to give up too , despite how ive felt . Only now have I acquired this balance . This year has been an almighty re-balancing act . Today im calm so I guess ive done a good job of it . Its strange to have no over bearing anxiety in particular . No plans . No projects . Is this normality ? Its as amazing as the unbelievable , just a little harder to grasp that's all . Call me self congratulating , but I like that last line . Hey if I cant blow my own trumpet now , when can I ? lol

Sweet dreams ?

Last night was a rather odd night . I woke up with a very unpleasant feeling that I can best describe as total discord . It wasn't nice as I could just remember the last image I dreamt before waking . It was a figure but out of focus somehow .Sometimes you know when a dream is more than just a dream . Ive said before sometimes I feel ive had a " busy " night . Ive also had dreams that are quite simply " attacks " and you wake tired . Sometimes you can feel you've achieved something on waking . For example , winning a struggle . Ive dream explicit dreams of a physical struggle for my life against another human being , once against something behind a black fabric I could not see  . Ive always won . In them I feel I must win to survive . Its intense . The feeling of struggle for survival is crystal clear in them . They are rare . I believe they are important . Are they on an astral plane ? I don't know but they don't feel like dreams . They feel like a dark force . Victory feels good on waking of course .
   On a lighter note later on I woke up laughing later in the early hours ! Really laughing . I cant remember what the dream was but it really must have amused me.....now that is rare !!!

Thinking back to how it all began

Its been one of those old times nights watching the clouds drift over the moon in a dirty orange rusty haze . Snow on the ground , moon light reflecting off the road . Remembering what I like about winter tonight.....

Random Sea Priestess ?

I recently came across a historian called Suzanna Lipscomb while watching a TV program about hazards in Victorian houses . A very interesting program hosted by a rather attractive female presenter . But there was more to this woman than just curly blond hair , nice figure ect . I gradually noticed the look in her eyes at various points in the program , something very deep or dark , controlled yet free . I haven't seen anything like it before . It cant be captured on a posed photograph as its hidden , but in " real time " its there . I call her a classic " sea priestess " type . She will have left a trail of broken men no doubt !!!    

Truth and reconsiliation

OK its time to take stock of the last 5 years in a simple manner !

1 ) Does " magic " exist , is It useful ?   YES

2) Have I ever seen any evidence of evil ? NO

3) Does the moon and sea affect forces , such as at places as Boscastle ? YES

4) Do doors of different perception open to you at times of extreme turmoil ? YES

5) Do synchronicitys of facts enable you to predict the future ? NO 

6) Can you swing events in your favour ?  ONLY AS LONG AS IS HEALTHY  

Everything ive seen or experienced has been limited as though a higher force is regulating . Ive never sensed evil as ive been brought up to expect , though I have only glimpsed a fraction of the mystical scene  . Some see the devil everywhere they look and that's sad because their fear narrows the possibilities to explore off the normal scenes of life . If you stop equating every happening in your life to " God " and look perhaps more within this doesn't mean you've jumped to the dark side . There are more Christians about today who are quite liberal in mystical views and it seems a growing trend . What is the difference between saying  a prayer and some mental visualisation ? Only the labels we use to describe the methods....

SNAP !

Let it rip !

I should re-name December my extreme blogging month . The short dark days have ALWAYS sharpened my point of view . My entries get more left field and shocking or dangerously honest to be more precise . So it is with another blog I follow that's becoming more unusual and daring . Of course this is normal as we get older . Were no longer of the age when were searching for the mating game , or trying to impress other people . We have some experience of life and we know what we think . So lets let rip a little as they say . Its healthy .

I mildly feel this as the rain pours ouside and the coming full moon is somewhere invisable and the www is in a slumber of Kether....

What does a man do when he seeks closure  but fate denies him the opportunity and instead throws him a silly anaesthetised none event that helps no none and will not answer any of the years puzzling build up ? Nothing of any importance can end in indifference . Things end with a bang . Things always do . Its like lighting a firework but it never goes off . Can you ever relax visiting that site again ? No , one is given the hope that it is not finished , rightly or wrongly . This is not helpful or natural because he knows its not the end , but neither is it functioning . Kether . Existing and not existing . Of course the quality's of an unknown entity can never be relied on....

Lets move Christmas !

I have always felt more " Christmasey " in early January . At first I thought it was just me being slow off the mark at joining in the atmosphere of the season . Of course now I discover that the in old times they did celebrate Christmas at this time . A week into January the days brighten and are usually a little less damp and dreary . My mood always lifts then , so yes I support that old location of Christmas . It makes more sense to me anyway....though im not holding my breath !

The Sea Priestess

Looking around and at my TV I see the world is full of beautiful women . Jam packed full , especially as the aesthetic angle is now deemed essential to most female TV presenters , dancers , pop stars ect . As I get older the more beautiful they seem ( taboo alert ) but that doesn't or hasn't made them unique or particularly outstanding , though god damn it they are nice to watch....
    No , the woman who moves a man however is special . To develop the side of a man that's lacking mentally or any other way for the better takes some doing . Of course it can cut both ways but that's another story . I believe for some women this is their sole purpose in life . To find one is rare . To realise you've found one even rarer . Of course to view such humans as such is close to blasphemy if you really understand the point im pushing at . They do exist . They are real ( even though they themselves may not be aware of it ) pioneers in the relationship between men and women . They will not be found conforming to social convention , that's for sure as to do so would destroy them . They may also be brutal , as to be " weak " will quickly destroy what makes them so intriguing , and intrigue is certainly a key ingredient in such a woman as the book reveals . Without this a mans attention will not be held long enough for things to change .
   They are also deemed to find a man at his weakest point in life  as that's the whole purpose of the system . They heal and develop ( if given enough time ) However I read they can also when done disappear instantly though some explanation is usual , even if unsatisfactory.....
   Of course it all a bit blurrey and romantically 1930's looking at relationships in this way but to a person of esoteric leanings this will matter little . Dion Fortune also tells that her " Morgan Le Fay " benefits from such transactions though I doubt eternal youth is a side effect in real life ! Maybe she was hinting at mental benefits perhaps ? Any meeting of two people will result in a transaction of some kind from one to the other . Skills , ideas , outlooks ect .
   Sorry but if you desire such a person in your sphere youre going to be disappointed as they only appear at a certain time or stage of your life . Don't go looking for one , you'll just find trouble . Mistakes are common place I guess , but respect to those who attack or are lucky enough to tread this path a while . There are no guarantees here and no manual other than the general pattern in a vague sense of what to expect .
   People now a days are complex and touchy and very wary of each other . Im no longer sure such events are possible unless they are a conventional sexual relationship , but there again that would end up destroyed in the end too . I only suggest this as an example of the kind of level of intimacy that would be needed for a long term interaction of the depth in time that would be necessary to get any meaningful " work " done or benefits made concrete . Loss of nerve or confidence could rear its head too . By the very nature of the man who is taking part the whole thing could collapse . He is likely not the most robust of people . The woman will also be an outsider to society too by her very nature , and the path that led to who she is . Such a meeting of two highly strung individual is risky . A measure of alchemy is certain though . As I said to tread on such a path a while is a privilege .
  In the book the male character looks back at the event and is hesitant as to whether everything was as he remembered it . Too him at the time , it was in a mind blowing  way  , lucid . Perception is everything however . Without it this whole merry dance is doomed . Of course the whole thing is doomed , but what isn't in the end eh ?

Dangerous December ?

December was always a time of blurred reality's . Christmas is just one example of this blurring being exploited . Its the beginnings of a period of change that cumulates in  the new year . Its a dangerous time as we are forced (that's not too strong a word ) back into ourselves . This happens because of the dark days , the wet and the cold  .  We are only left with ourselves . The basic reality's of survival kick in . Stay warm , get food , get shelter . Nature is dead outside , and its dark . This time can claim lives and does
 . I believe there are also highly emotional forces around at the approaching Winter Solstice . Be careful not to be carried away , get carried away as well if you wish , if you can  . Only a few will be able to achieve a positive result doing this and for them it will come naturally . It will " come " to them . As the winter winds rise and the skies turn white something is unleashed . Ive felt it before . A great energy . To not align myself with this this year feels alien so I'm telling of the force on here instead , hoping it may inspire someone ...
   Danger number two though if you're not a nature type is social pressure . Family , friends and party's are gathering and all the years happenings are expected to disappear temporally . Again in an inward looking mind set this is also dangerous . A wet , muddy , murky time mentally and physically  , a demanding month I say ., but that does depend on your temperament

Always my downfall....

Too Fast , too Curious ?

My take

I saw a sign in a house that read " You can only hold your stomach in for so many years " . I translated that to " You can only mentally " hold your stomach in " for so long . Of course both these statements are true ...

Simple acceptance .

Clouds drift across the moon tonight , but everything has changed . Everything.....

Fuck them and fuck them again....

I recently got the feeling that some people I once was very close to didn't exist anymore . People said they had seen them and told me not to be silly , but the intense feeling remained . I could sense they were no longer the people  I once knew . They were totally gone !  Plus they totally turned their backs on me after all i had done for them . After one real life confirmation I was right , fuck checking out if this is a routine prognosis . Ive moved on...Oh yeah fuck them again!!!

INTRO FAST AND FURIOUS TOKYO RACE HD

   

Sometimes an unusual source can give great insight . I love it when this happens . How many truths can you see or hear about life in this film clip ? Buck the trend .....

The Golden Blog: A dark side ...

The Golden Blog: A dark side ...: Life has changed beyond reckonition and everyone seems OK about it , but I lack my old certaintys that got me through . I ve lost all direct...

Almost there ?

Im getting close to something today . A picture that makes sense of all the worldly things ive been through and also ties in the overwhelming esoteric feelings as well . The Archetype was the key . Im obsessing about the key instead of looking at the door ? It also seems water trouble is associated with this scene . Im far to tired to explore for now...

Tonight is one of those still nights , no one around or outside and the clouds are drifting across a half moon . All is deadly still and amplified . Good and bad .

Who am I really , and whats so special about that to me ? ( my interpretation of page 1 )

 ?   !       The first two opposite pages of The Book of Lies contains these two punctuations . What do they mean to you , what do they mean to me . Mill them over in your mind for the foreseeable future...

Carl Jung - The Self

Carl Jung - Anima Projection

Sash! - Adelante [HDR]

From such a privilaged view point

Only a third party can compare the fearful symmetry ...

Its not you , its me ?

I have certainly felt a change in my character recently , but I wonder if other people see the person we've become before we are aware we have changed ?  Are we the last to notice ? Are we who others perceive us to be ? If not then a crash of realitys lies ahead . It will be messy . A reality will loose , a reality will win . Will it be yours ?
   Some people are obsessed with whether people are fake or real online . Its a natural fear . I ask what is your definition of fake ? Someone who wasn't what they said , or someone who wasn't what you thought they were ? There is a subtle difference here . It can cause chaos on line . Reality is blurred , but most importantly the effects this can have on you are REAL !  Here lies the danger of blogger , here lies the strength and opportunity of blogging ....

Google / synchronicitys

I have noticed in life that certain names for example or numbers continually turn up and grab my attention . Ive called these " synchronicitys " as they have meaning to me and occur quite regular . Minor news stories locally continue to occasionally reflect certain names that like to occur along side other names or themes . There seems to be no limits in time to these coincidences as I read books that are based before the turn of the century . Are these happenings just a subconscious pattern symbolising my mental thrashings ? Or are they of some huge significance of order , say of the cosmos . Sounds silly ? Is this explained by maths ? Most things are some say . The nearest thing ive come to to explain this phenomenon is Google ! Type in a word or name and it will come up with how that name is linked to a million different subjects and in many different contexts . Life seems to mimic this apparently at random . There is order , its is alarming . It is certainly not evil . It is certainly not anything to worry about . Seeing this manifest though makes me ask why can I see it ? Have I done something that's the mystical equivalent of pushing a "google " type button allowing me to see all these patterns ? A difference of awareness seems highly likely to be responsible .
  You may suggest stress as a reason for seeing such things , you may think I'm looking for order in an time of great change , but the reason to me is not important , the patterns are there , that's my point of interest here ! We all see little coincidences but when they continue to get ever more stunning bigger ideas or explanations are needed .

Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee) (Original Video with subtitles)

 

Its all in the mind set then . Don't be fooled by the gibberish chorus or their subtitles. This song describes the mind set behind the very beginning of an esoteric  journey , yes really !

Water " miracle " ?

One of my most alarming experiences with water occurred last summer . We have a private water supply up on a hill side  , which ran out of water . Well I use that phrase loosely as the tank was completely empty and dry but a steady stream of unusually pristine water was gushing from our taps ? This water was not our peaty , grimy fell water . Where was it coming from then ? I know it sounds mad but it was close to a " miracle " . Speaking to a relation also confirmed this had also happened years ago . It was almost unhinging to witness . It couldn't be so , but it was ! Spititual ? Who knows ???

Water

Water is very much in fashion at the moment on blogger it seems . One Christian blog I view regular finds water essential to salvation . A gate way no less ? Of course I believe water allows forces to manifest . Are they spiritual though ? Well they are certainly not of the everyday world . Are these strange events ive seen near water or the baffling things ive seen water do the Holy Spirit ? I couldn't argue too hard against that . That statement cannot be far removed from what ive witnessed . Put whatever label on that you want .
  Another blogger is writing a novel which has a very watery start from what ive seen . Again water seems integral to the start of the story and the theme of identity , maybe even past lives or alter ego's ? Again interesting..
   I have labelled my water posts as ive had some interesting experiences near , or around it . Some may find this of interest....?

Orb sighting

Tonight ive seen briefly for the first time with my naked eye an orb . It was minute but only about six inches in front of my eye and only for a few seconds as when I tried to focus on it it was gone as so often these things are . Quite shocked . Maybe the person this would surprise is looking in here sometime and will see this post . I find this quite important , but its too late to start rambling about that .

Pan - Boscastle

The Golden Blog: Radio 4 does it again !

The Golden Blog: Radio 4 does it again !: Once again Radio 4 has entertained me with a piece about a woman Minister/ Psychiatrist  . She presented the idea that sometimes people with...

A hungry force

Ive seen much loss and change in those around me recently , me included there . As for considering a force at work , well maybe there is , but a force thats ridding us of negative or destructive situations in our lives . Maybe this is  good thing ? Look carefully again at what youve lost ....
  On the other hand if you see some kind of the merest hint of order in the cosmos or whatever dont just blow it off as trivial . Certainly dont run away from it , whatever dont try and measure it against some previous moral or religious ruler youve once used in the past . Go with it , have faith and let it roll . You will have fun , you may expand youre horizons or you may just stick your head in the sand . The said statement goes for any form of spiritual expression . My mind is wider than some

Aleister Crowley on Synchronicitys

 People who live in cities are constantly in touch with reality .....but in the countryside where nothing ever happens the individual is thrown back upon himself . He learns to live in an imaginary world created by his own psyche . He discovers (in and through  symbolic form ) the realm of the unconscious , as Professor Jung calls it , and his actions are determined by fantastic motives based on hereditary peculiarities , or in the accidents , so called of his physical or psychical constitution .  "

The Simon Iff Stories - AC

I am the real deal - are YOU ?

Its strange , im 42 and have a soon to be 2 year old . Why am did I block my blog ? Vanity is the answer , sadly . The path of the unseen is BIGGER than any personal disruption . People come , we admire them , they let us down .... same old story . They impress us , they let us down . Humans let us down , not our beliefs or any spiritual musings . People knock us off course but why ? I revel in my honesty on my blogs . Maybe im too honest but my conscience is clear at the end of the day....

The seventeen year locust ?

I found a song title by a band recently called " The Seventeen Year Locust " . This suggests a plague which appears  every 17 years to decimate its surroundings . This reminds me of a comment I made myself a while ago as to how I find myself in similar situations at various periods of my life . I went on to say how ive learnt from each time this happens and thought it was a repetitive cycle . Today a 17 year cycle theory looks appealing . The said blogger commented that she thought there maybe a repetitive type hell present in life . That could be true, possibly   I found this picture while googling for a locust image . This ties the two themes in together very nicely . No, this image is not linked to the band who's song title first inspired me to write this post  . Maybe someone has made a similar connection before .It looks that way . The important part is what we LEARN from re-occurring crises !

A new chapter ahead

This weekend I started out on my exploration of Aleister  Crowley's ;  Book of Lies . A very dark , devious and negative book right ? Well the lie is suggested as any singular , absolute thought or statement thus any slight deviation from what is perceived as absolute truth by the thinker is probably a lot nearer the REAL truth , but will be perceived as a " lie " because of the unavoidable contradiction .
  The book is a collection of cyphers , riddles , verses and statements which are enough to make you give up at first glance , hence you must browse . By doing so you will go exactly to where your instincts tell you or maybe your inner self wants to wander I like to think .
     I solved a particular puzzle straight away . An address had always enamoured me . A number and a house name seemed a strange combination . Ive always sensed this , but never remotely knew why . Well I discovered the combination was a very wry joke . How could an address be a joke ? Well the number was 23 which means " get out ! " , and the house name was a term used for voluntary and permanent incarceration for the purpose of religious enlightenment !!!  A walled in religious fanatic being told to get out ! Of course one must then think in what context do I take a discovery in ? This is a humorous discovery , but I guess there are much larger lessons ahead for me .
     I had a crises of faith at the weekend when I questioned whether this blog was doing my reputation any good and I then saw occult thing are very much in my blood and there is a world out there of people like me and actually this isn't such a silly or more importantly dangerous subject to invest time in . Ive been guilty of pride and vanity recently and its time to remain true to myself .  " Do what thou whilst shall be the whole of the law ! "  Never has that been more true .

Do I need to justify this / why am I doing so ?

There are those who cant deal with the facts ive found , there are those who stick their heads in the sand , some run away from the things they find , some grab a prescription from their doctor after having strange unexplained phenomena . Ive seen it all . Ive never pulled any punches on this blog . If its written its how ive found it . Should I always present what I find ? Well yes because I judge my followers to make up their own minds .

As always

" Abnormal states of mind interested Simon Iff "

Wenesday night 23:29

Its a very stormy night , the wind is roaring making a racket down my wood burning stove chimney . There has been a gusty wind this afternoon blowing the leaves in strange eddies in the farm yard . This reminds me of a book I read quite intensely .
   My gums are really sore around my teeth , and my stomach doesn't feel quite right . I can hear the lashing rain showers blowing around coming from random directions on the wind . Winter is truly here .
   I had what might be called a peak experience tonight for the first time maybe . I say peak as it was different to anything else ive felt until now . It was caused by a single line in a film " Perhaps he's happier with his own kind "  The line gave me a wonderful glow inside and a wry sense of rebellion , and a sense of isolation from the ordinary world out there tonight . I felt totally at peace as though these last few years were all leading up to the person I am today today . I feel I have found my own kind recently .
   Finally even though its a very cloudy night the moon is still burning through the clouds into sight occasionally before once again disappearing into the murkiness . This reminds me intensely of another bloggers video post of a moon scene they made a while ago . Yes very much so .
   Due to events im not feeling all I should at the moment . A bit numb you might say . I told someone I felt emotionaly exhausted recently  , and I am . I don't deny it !
  My book by AC arrived today , and even the author says the book may seem to have been written to insult you in its complex and cryptic style . Im not in the mood for deep thought at the moment , but a quick glance found me reading a paragraph about how the way out of something was not the same way as you came into it ...
  I have decided to leave two friendships behind or a least not actively persue them . If they return without any effort then im still here . I too tired for crap like that anymore or games . I crave normality . I really do . Its nice typing tonight in a warm room , gale outside , my candle burning ect . Im not where I expected to be this time last week . Ive come to realise sometimes some situations end just because they do , they just cant exist anymore . Im to tired to ask or enquire why ....
 
 

Orbs ?

 
I have only noticed this today as I looked at the photo's I took on Sunday . There are Orbs , but I must admit it was a day of very fine drizzle so maybe its just droplets of water on my camera lense , right ? BUT look there is an orb shape reflected in the surface of the water . How do I know its not on my lense ? Well there is a disturbance on the waters surface that passes OVER the top of the orb shape . I dont recall that wake in the water either . I dont think it was my flash as its a very round shape . It begs the question ; what dimension are orbs in then ?

The full moon forces a crises and a half

There seems to be a theme of regret running through my " real world " friends at the moment . It seems to be a running theme in the build up to this full moon . Ive seen many crisis's this moon , worst fears manifesting and peoples nightmares coming true . A mis carriage occurred , another acquaintance  had a baby rushed to hospital , I was involved in a road accident ect  Others are regretting their choices and wanting change . Ive seen one once vibrant person reduced to a zombie basically . I too have experienced my nightmare in a dream like manner . There is also a daily tension in my surroundings and people I know that's starting to affect me . I can intimately feel it . Its transferred to me . I shouldn't be feeling it but I am . As with any dark cloud it will pass over . The last time I could sense such darkness was last Christmas .

Oh and the loud water noise is back again ...

Perceptions

Take a perception you have about any strong subject , Then look into said subject . You will find your original perceptions were totally wrong . Its always this way about subjects you have no experience with . This applies to everyone . The Occult is a big one . Its a word we may as well abandon , even if its definition is only " something hidden "  Its a word so misaligned it needs reinventing...

Tiger , tiger

http://www.daypoems.net/poems/441.html   

For several seasons ive been haunted by references to tigers or images of tigers . A synchronicity no less . Round and round has the " tiger , tiger " line gone in my head . This recently accelerated when I saw an advert for a book on how to improve writing skills bore this line on its cover . The next morning , just as I woke up ( funny how it always happens at that time ) I caught the last few lines of another William Blake poem , which of course caused me to sit up and ask some questions . Of course I read the above poem last summer as a matter of interest . Also at that time another blogger who never posts anything put the poem on his blog which also got me thinking . Today I can see so clearly what its all about . Mystical and Occult awakening .... well that's what I read into it ! Perception is everything ...

Something of interest I found on face book

                                                                                                                                                                         I  dont normally take any notice of this type of  " share or else " rubbish , but this was up my street as they say...

Moon talk !

Natural selection has always been taken for granted . I see no reason why the same law should not apply to friendships . The weaker less productive or malfunctioning ones fall by the way side and are replaced by stronger higher grade ones ( or a higher calibre ones ) You know I love nothing more than getting the word " calibre " into a post lol !  I have seen some friendships actually taking each other out as they say . Ive seen one friendship literally push a button of destruction on another .  As I said , natural selection and survival of the fittest . To aid an ailing or destructive one may have long running future implications further destroying the good healthy ones . Something to consider .

A new dawn

The bottom of this photo is fading . How can that happen to a digital photo on a lap top ? Ive seen a painting of a landscape change colour once . A low tide scene in which a black rock became white gradually ....and that marked a period of intense anxiety and change .

My new goal

I feel this blog is going back to its roots as I explore new ideas that will alter my perceptions . People may not approve of my more colourful moments ( and there will be many ) I feel disillusioned about the past and im all at sea today . Of course the past is still as it was and it was what it was  . Well that's a contradiction that sits well with me and still makes total sense already .
   Ive been seeing mystical signs for years so I have been advised to read a very , very subjective book by a author ive recently mentioned . Its basically from what I can gather a " suggestive " book ,  a collection of ideas , diagrams and short pieces of writing designed to stimulate .
   Ive unfortunately related what ive learnt so far to the human condition and this is a waste , well some people are a waste of time as ive learnt in my life over the past few years . To make some sense by myself of whats happened this is the right path I feel .

The start of much rambling no doubt...

" I keep a close watch on this heart of mine , I walk blind , I walk blind .... "   Unknown

" Who will survive and what will be left of them , apocalyptic dreams of the ordinary lives .... " White Zombie

Morgan Le Fay

Tired , cold , hungry

I am constantly tired , cold and hungry . Winter isnt as fun as it was . Its over cast and cloudy and there is a sharp , damp cold in the air and a feeling like you get on Christmas day . Not in a positive way though , just as in its a day thats set apart from normality . Its very easy to confuse the two . I remember a day years ago like this but with a windy afternoon . I got an intense feeling a big change was ahead and that life was not going to be the same again , how right I was then . Well that feeling  is back once more today .
    Strangely ( isnt it always ? ) this full moon I have the house all to myself again . This is becoming a habit . The moon has been moving females to and through no doubt . This is becoming particularly strong with this moon in its hazy mood . I have seen the effects , though have yet to see their out come .
    Its time for a change of reading matter so out goes fiction and in comes something of teaching by Aliester Crowley . Having enjoyed his novel Moon Child immensely I was fascinated by his ideas of Tao and the act of deliberately contradicting your views or desires in order to achieve an out come . Both these ideas interest me and tantalise me . I suppose how many times have you taken an action to find it was a waste of time and you should have actually done the opposite action ? Will doing the opposite action to what you would expect cheat life's habit of thwarting your plans ? This is my new area of interest !

" Try one direction just one more time.... "

I have a strange weekend ahead . It will be a definitive one . Come Monday morning I will have the answers enabling me to see ahead . Only a full moon could have engineered this situation , or me ! Nothing feels real . Finally its time for the end ? Cometh the man , cometh the hour....

" When two events occur simultaniously attention must be paid... "

Water has started gurning loudly in the pipes when I turn on the taps at both Dent and the farm today . Both places at the same time  , after a complete absence for weeks . That is not coincidence .One is on mains water , the other a private supply off a fell stream . Both are behaving the same . Its a classic , it really is .

Dion Fortune

The Door Without a Key is the Door of Dreams ; it is the door by which the sensitive escape into insanity when life is too hard for them , and artists use it as a window in a watch tower . Psychologists call it a coping mechanism ; magicians call it magic , and the man in the street calls illusion or charlatanry according to taste . It does not matter to me what it is called , for it is effectual

Mysterious times ?

http://youtu.be/WYJlYjo1ujY

I need to get some rest !

Its very frustrating . Every night im having dreams I cant quite recall in the morning . I can remember slightly the emotions and a vague sense of their lay out but only in a very often abstract way . I know that sounds pretentious but I sense the dreams have occurred and can still feel how the events flowed in them , but no details or definite facts .
   Last summer as I was drifting off to sleep I became aware I was having a conversation of some intensity with a figure or person in my minds eye  . As I became conscious of my speech and tried to focus on who it was I was talking too the whole experience evaporated immediately . Also I have woken up in the morning  occasionally feeling as though I have been " busy " all night . What we actually do or where we go mentally during sleep is still a mystery . At the very least we work subconsciously on problems in our lives I suppose . At the most perhaps contact some " other world "

Stress and peak experiences

So how did I feel after witnessing the accident . Well I felt very little . No panic , no confusion either , just total sobriety and focus . Ive been wondering why . Is it delayed shock ? Is it that ive faced so many emotionally destructive moments that threatened to destroy me , and ive grown used to such intense situations that I cant believe are really happening ?  Maybe ive become " battle " hardened by my emotional experience of the Peak kind .
  This theory holds water as in times of great stress I suddenly slow everything down and seem to become totally blasia and disconnected  about the situation I'm facing . I believe its a coping mechanism ive developed as a side effect of stress over several years . For example I feel no anxiety about any Police action that may occur from the incident . I'm just like " so be it " you know . Its weird , I guess Im just not going to let events push me around any more . There is no action to worry about yet , but that doesnt mean there wont be , but that's hardly the point as this is just one example of how ive changed mentally . You can only live in crises for so long before you start to harden . Is this healthy ? Well i'll take it over the way ive felt these past years . Interesting times indeed.

Synchronicitys

Tonight I had an impressive example . As I read a bloggers comments about being sleep deprived what film should I see advertised on the Horror Channel I was watching ? Dario Argento's film , Sleepless . I have never seen this so I have recorded it and shall watch with interest ...

Moving swiftly on...

I have removed the previous post . Thanks for the comment if you left it . I feel uneasy having such a post on too long and I guess there will be more to come on the subject , but I dont want it clogging up my blog as im drawing that episode of my life to a close most likely .
   Of course all things mystical do not come down to one part of your life , they spring from within you , but are probably triggered by those you meet . Bizarre events are still abound so thats good because without them this blog would struggle lol ! My journey continues ...

Colin Wilson

The name Colin Wilson has been bugging me recently and seemed familiar somehow , so I googled it . Reading how he lived rough while writing his first book again sounded familiar to me . Where had I heard that story before ? Its finally fallen to me today , I bought his book The Supernatural at a car boot sale about two years ago . I remember the writer had an effect on me and excited me too at the time as he seemed different and believed his view points  . The book looked quite conventional by its cover , a bit tacky even , but his writing was extraordinary and it captured how I had felt at key times in my mystical experiences .

Evie

" evie "  is my daughters name....

Mini esoteric up-date

1 ) For the first time in 7 years the sun actually stopped me getting to work , well  for a while anyway . Its position as it came over the horizon of a hill in a peculiar direction dazzled me so bad I had to stop completely and then turned around as it was impassible ! I tried again in a few minutes and very carefully made it past this pinch point . Thankfully its a single track road . An example of perfect alignment I have experienced with the moon before .

2 ) A cupboard door banged shut this morning at the farm but once again no one was in the house . As always when things like this occur its a clear sunny , sharp bright morning...

The time is near...

Im feeling very uneasy . This moon that's showing as a half crescent tonight is going to bring some big changes . This funnily will reach a peak around the time of the coming full moon . Well who would have guessed that ? I shall soon see what ive become over these last two seasons . Either a return to the old with a touch of bravado or a new balanced me . I cant say I have a preference either way . Maybe Im considering the merits of Tao ?  Its a concept that does not come natural to me as controlling the uncontrollable is my job in some respects , also my job entails working with the unstoppable seasons so its all " swings and roundabouts " then when deciding if this path is an option . I must be truly tired to be even considering this .

My new winter candle

I finally finished burning my red Autumn candle last night and have bought a rather more wintery one in nice shade of white that captures how I feel about the magic of winter . For example the pale blue winter skies at dusk and the clouds that part to reveal it , the hazey mornings and the winter sunlight . Tonight all that matters is this candle . Total satisfaction , for a short while anyway ...

Silence

All Spring and Summer and Autumn water has been gurning in the pipes both on holiday in Tintagel , Cornwall , and in the two houses I frequent . This has grown alarmingly louder by the month until recently , but now has ceased altogether . Momentum in its intensity has gathered over the past Summer . Why has it stopped ? Why did it steadily increase ? Have I done something right or found a right path ? Have old situations returned to enable closure or have they vanished altogether or being replaced by a new age ? It looks like I shall have the answers soon .
                                                                                                                              

http://youtu.be/9Acy_bav21M

The Devil's in the detail

Well straight away im into a complication regarding my number plate quest . Apparently the DVLA have tried to e-mail me but the message  they keep sending to me just keeps returning to them . How is that possible ? Very weird !!!  I now have a phone number I must ring them on . Well its not going to be a normal conversation is it ?

Mystery solved . I made a mistake in my e-mail address !

I simply have to know !

Well I have just made my request for information through the Freedom of Information Act . I applied to the DVLA regarding the number of cars registered on UK roads that contain a certain triple number . I should get an answer in less than 20 days . A bit insane ? Yes but this is gonna be fun . I have no idea what the figure will be ( and it better not be 666 or I shall have a breakdown lol )  There must be a high figure of cars containing 666 as I constantly see them or do they find me ? We shall see ....

Changes

My mood is really changing . Im short tempered and verbally sharp tongued . Tonight I almost  ( well virtually ) stormed off at the bonfire . I have about three seconds to catch my temper though before a rage takes over . This is classic me at this time of year . Worse though today , every time someone spoke I presumed it was to me and not someone near by , even though this was obviously the case . Mistakes and perceiving peoples intentions incorrectly is the worst product of this seasonal disorder . Another classic symptom I get is a fuzzy head for figures . I cant remember figures for very long or add them up . My mind feels full of mud and so dull and slow , but ask me for any subjective view on any subject and i'll blow you away and wax lyrical ! Certain mental traits are enhanced and certain everyday ones are depleted . These are the mental effects , but of course the physical ones are worrying too , but I just grind on through those....

Winter mode accomplished and fully initiated

Im shattered .Came home in a bad mood as I have still failed to find a proper pumpkin . OK its not a crises but the mood im in I could explode for any reason tonight ! Its funny , every year it gets to November and I think my seasonal disorder isn't as bad this year , then as the clocks go back , BANG , it suddenly hits me ... My eyes are sore , im tired , I feel physically weaker too . Mentally im a bit hyper , and yes more outspoken and bullish as I predicted or you may have noticed ! I also have a delicious appetite for anything that gives me pleasure . Im lusting for good films to watch ! Im living for the moment and no longer see far ahead , just the now

How else was this to end ?

I read today that a woman has drowned in a sea cave in Dorset . How on earth had that happened ? Well a couple from London ( no surprise ) had been climbing on the cliffs and jumping off into the sea . OK a bit reckless , but this was during the storm that swept over the south of the country , in October . At what point should they have thought this activity bordered on suicidal ? Unfortunately she was washed into a sea cave and rescuers could only reach her by climbing through a tiny " blow hole " in the rock . This is a hole that blasts air and water out at pressure as the waves enter a cave . They did not succeed in a rescue and she perished .
   They say the caves were once used for human sacrifices to the sea . Well the people in this story certainly did there best to emulate this picture . Dion Fortune suggested this can happen subconsciously as the water elements can unbalance the mind .Water does amplify emotion after all . There have been several striking deaths caused by the sea in this area . I have been noting them mentally for the past year . Are they connected and if so what will be the out come ? If any ?

Maybe this is where ive gone wrong ?!

" It is my first rule , " continued the magician , " never to let anything interfere with plans once agreed upon . Think what would happen to the Solar System if the planet Jupiter suddenly decided to change course ! The Way of Toa is to allow everything to happen . It all comes right in the end... "  

The Simon Iff Stories / Aliester Crowley

Faith No More " To grow a life within a life..... "

http://www.google.co.uk/url?    sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=6&cad=rja&ved=0CEsQFjAF&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.metrolyrics.com%2Fthe-real-thing-lyrics-faith-no-more.html&ei=JHJ2UpX6EIOX7Qbs5YDwCA&usg=AFQjCNEVjctzXx6C9TQUmA6gpymzMYXeKA&sig2=jns7JEMX5CO_Xgrx0IsPgg&bvm=bv.55819444,d.d2k

My wonderful cousin has just drawn my attention to this biological wonder !!!

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&sqi=2&ved=0CCwQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FPineal_gland&ei=j291UsGnFe7A7Aamv4GIAQ&usg=AFQjCNGG3BjUaCzb20vmjx1rU05aizzwSg&sig2=tVSn8OMrJj96uf08wXcJnA       


Of course the part of this that interests me is in the " mystical / occult " section of this link . This gland regulates sleep patterns as the seasons change . As my vitality  is dramatically reduced as Winter starts , and the day light hours shorten , my thoughts are drawn to how much of this is caused by the functioning or malfunctioning of this Pineal gland in me .
  I know that suddenly at this time of year something changes in the air and events are changeable and magic is abound everywhere . Its in the Winter light , the winds , the white Winter moons . As the Pineal gland deep in the brain sends out changes caused by changing seasonal light , are other mystical messages or changes occurring too in tandem ? Does this happen because of my seasonal disorder mixes something up  enabling me to see and sense the magic potential of this season ? Its a very neat inter locking theory that lines up nicely . To find this gland is linked with such subjects  is a pleasant surprise and a further justification of my own views . Nice !
  Dion Fortune also hinted at the Endocrine system being responsible for the ability to be of a certain persuasion . I think she was referring to something along these lines . A malfunction could trigger the ability to experience other intensity's of emotion that " normal " people miss out on . These levels of emotion may kick start all you read on this blog . Maybe the road to this mindset and lifestyle is mainly a biological anomaly ? Well that's one road that she suggests .  I like it when a mainstream idea blends to prove a mystical one . The  " God particle " that was discovered recently is a classic .Something you cant see or prove having its existence justified by the effects you can see . But that's another story...

Its been a while

Tonight I caught a light moving across my ceiling . I only just saw it from the corner of my eye , as is always the case . " These things never bare close inspection " A. Crowley

Orbs

 

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&sqi=2&ved=0CDcQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ghoststudy.com%2Fa_what_are_orbs.html&ei=p69yUtufKcv07Aa03oDgAQ&usg=AFQjCNEnwntfSY6rHbZu_Vy7Dq4zi6L1Qg&sig2=rQPVjcMJI1hg9zVJVcIyOg&bvm=bv.55819444,d.d2k

Here is a photo I took very early one August morning as we set off to gather the sheep down from the fell . It was suppose to be a scenic shot but on down loading the picture onto my lap top I got a big surprise . At first I thought I had a picture of the moon but quickly realised that the moon wasn't out that morning . Many other smaller orbs can be seen to be rising from the ground too . One is actually in front of the huge Orb as you can see if you blow up this photo to screen saver size . Ive found many other Orb photo's on the net , but none as big as mine . This picture still amazes me.....   

Busted !!!

As I expected that blog is automated and recycles its posts around and around . The lights are on but no-ones home. Well they might be at home ...

The Curse of Frank Black

http://millennium-thisiswhoweare.net/cmeacg/episode.php?mlm_code=207   Series 2 Episode 5


   My second post for Halloween is a link to a very good episode of one of my favourite TV shows Millennium . I cant find the whole episode on you-tube , but there are sites where you can download or watch it . Its a Halloween special , so this episode has a quirky feel to it . Its one of my favourite episodes . In the  plot synopsis you will see Frank Black experiences quite a few synchronicitys that in which the end result is his attention finally being drawn to a message he is destined to find . Its a nice twist . I think many of us see recurring numbers and things , but how many of us get to the final reasoning of why ? A true mystery indeed ....

Rob Zombie - American Witch (animated version)

http://www.youtube.com/v/iW_egNDoKfo?       version=3&autohide=1&autohide=1&feature=share&showinfo=1&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=ZerYyUqKcp0F-quqS0O-mQ

            

This weeks posts are dedicated  to Halloween . I think this animation captures the spirit ( no pun intended ) of Halloween . A killer sound track too . Love it ! Yes , lets have some fun .....

The golden blog: Moody , grimmy moon

The golden blog: Moody , grimmy moon: Im sat with my luxury view of the half moon passing in and out of the storm clouds , moody as fuck and grimmy . There is no saving grace o...

Carl Jung - Synchronicity

The Lost Highway (1997) Trailer

Whoooah ..ooooooohhhh ... yeeeeaaaah

It sometimes seems I can not escape the abysmal X-Factor show . Everyone I visit has it on their TV every weekend without fail . This morning on  BBC Breakfast a past winner of the show Arthur Jones ( and doesn't that name sum it all up ) gave a " performance " of his latest offering . This man sat there looking half asleep as though he wasn't aware he was on TV with a doped look on his face , talking in a nonchalant manner with his head half bowed .
  The X-Factor doesn't produce stars . It produces faded , jaded young people who are mediocre singers at best . They are presented to a young audience who have never known what a proper performer sounds like . These plastic imitations are given classic songs to murder ,  and murder them slowly they do while an empty soulless audience gives a dumb  applause to over sentimental background music  . The singers have no character , no charisma and are as " safe as houses " in their act  .
  Female singer try their best to sing , no sorry ; shout their way through a song . The louder they are the better they think they've done . The boys try to sound as mellow as possible ( because oooooh their so in touch with themselves , and every girl likes that )  . Yes here is the stencil that produces this shite . And on and on it goes for years because no body can be bothered to change the channel . WTF ! Of course its all a pantomime , but that excuse wore off years ago ....   Whoops wrong blog again !!!

A rare event

I met a rather interesting potential neighbour today . Had  quite a conversation about water and what it does and will not do and various examples . A conversation that flowed like water ( forgive the pun please ) funnily . I seem to be meeting some interesting people who are on my wave length , however unlikely that may seem . Life is taking me to some new horizons , more healthy horizons I expect .

Storm in a tea cup ?

My Terrible Two post needs some clarification . It was a general random thought I had about men and what they cant say . It was not how I was feeling . I also wrote with that in mind " not everything I write is literal " .Well actually everything I write on here IS literal !!! What I clumsily was trying to say was that that post was not literally about me as a family member was a bit worried about me after reading my blog .  Of course EVERYTHING  I write on here is as it happened ! Not sure if I need to say this but I feel better for it . The online world gets messy every know and again and things must be clarified . THE END !

444

That last post was number 444

An old pattern returns

Something very strange happened this morning , a light switched its self on in a building I was in on the farm . When I checked the light switch it had been pushed down . This happened when I was about 4 metres away . Something had the material force to move that switch . This also happened last summer when I was even closer to another light switch . Again this was a large insulated plastic switch which could not move by itself . Both times this has happened building work was going on or been done recently . In fact other times door handles have rattled themselves in the past in the farm house . The common denominator ( one of my favourite words ) is always structural building changes . For some reason this triggers actual physical events , not sounds but things actually moving . Maybe something is annoyed ? This has gone on for years and if the manor next door sell I dont know what will happen . It will be eventful if the growing noises the water pipes have made this summer is anything to go off...

THE TERRIBLE TWO

There are 2 taboo's for a man    1 ) Im afraid .

                                                2) I don't understand this .  


I must add this statement is just an observation and in no way a comment on how i feel at the moment !!!   I say this as someone took it to be how I must be feeling now . It is not . Not everything I write is literal !   :  )

" Backward and forwards I blow with the wind "

Eventually in life you get to know your own mind quite well . You catch the beginnings of what you now  know today are long winded thought processes that must pass through certain fixed points along the way before reaching any " permanent " outlook . My decision making process is convoluted and drawn out . Its hard work and complex . I find I can find excuses for and against an action but can never reach a true decision based on reason . In the end I just swing one way or the other so I get no closure because Ive found no reason . However when I decide not to do something its always for the WRONG reason !. I saw a quote recently that suggested that if  a thing was not immediately in your sphere or being thought about it didn't cease to exist as such . That's true . Leaving situations hanging will never bring any peace of mind .
  Ive mentioned before that the whole mystical or subjective viewing of things can leak into other areas of your life , even everyday relationships and contacts . This can really mess up decision making because you already have a very fluid , suggestible mind . This is a blessing as you are not constrained by conventional outlooks , but on a down side reaching conclusions is nigh impossible with such a mind . See my point ? Over time you realise there are two reality's . The one you are battling backwards  and forwards in a thought process of attrition , and the other is just the simple all consuming mystical view of " do what thou whilst " . Im currently caught between these two mind sets and a battle is coming ...
 

NOSFERATU

Finally I got to watch a film  this week that Ive been meaning to watch for years ! Well I had always planned on watching the original b/w version but became aware of this version a few months ago . Of course it arrived in the post after a long delay ( from America ) on the full moon . I watched it with a good view of the moon  too !
  Ive never seen a film like it . Foreign films often have a unique aura to them that is special , and they open a new perspective that's miles higher from the usual films of your own country funnily .   I found this is an un rushed but at the same time well paced film . Its of a higher quality than anything Ive seen . Its deeper , more sensitive and much care has gone into its filming . If I was a film director Id like my films to be of this quality . Not quite sure why that's relevant ! There also seems to be a seam of high quality horror films I have yet to watch . How have I missed them so far ?

" Who will survive and what will be left of them ? "  White Zombie- Real Solution Number 9

Driving down to the village last night I came across a hare sat in the road under the full moon ( and of course im not joking )

Every year

This week I am living up at the farm instead of our house in the village . Last thing at night I went outside , there was a strong wind roaring in the tree tops  . Through the tree branches I could see a near full moon passing in and out of the clouds which were flying by at a fair rate . I had forgotten how it feels up here at night  since I moved to Dent . Obviously I work here during the day but Its strange how fast you forget how the atomosphere feels after dark up here in Autumn  . The moon suprised me tonight too popping up at an unexpected point on the horizon . It was larger than normal too ....

The Hammer Horror Series

Everyone has seen the Hammer films , but there was also a very good T.V  series  . This episode was part particularly entertaining ! I cant find this episode on youtube unfortunately...https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CDkQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hammerhouseofhorrortvseries.co.uk%2Fhhsatan.html&ei=oNNfUuHcKJPxhQfo74CoCQ&usg=AFQjCNGB024yP9MgB0VeMxxRLpGBWB7dOg&sig2=_eMkkphPBXtZr2x0-RfaMg

Only where I live !

A while ago I promised I would write about a supernatural event that was the most dramatic happening I have witnessed . It must have been in the late 90's when I had just finished working on my car on a nice August night , though it must have been late in the month as it was dark . As I was putting the last of my tools away I heard a baby or more accurately I'd say a young toddler crying somewhere in the dark on a raised bank above our farmyard . I was quite worried that a child or baby should be out so late obviously on their own , so I paused to try and pin point where the sound was coming from .
   Now here things get really weird ! The crying was coming from about 30 meters away but seemed to be amplified as I could here ever intake of breath and every sob . It was very sad to hear a child in such obvious suffering . This went on for ten minutes and I went to get my parents to check I wasn't going mad . They heard it too . Mean while our neighbours who live in the manor house next door had come out as they had obviously heard our excitement and heated debate at the source of the noise . Finally when the crying stopped I went to bed .
   Next morning I was buzzing . What had it been ? I decided to go round to see our neighbours and ask them if they had any children visiting as I though there might be a logical explanation . They said no and asked why I thought they might . Now I was puzzled as surely they had been listening to the crying also as they were only over the hedge from my family and it was a still quite night . I felt very stupid when they said they hadn't heard a thing and looked puzzled at why I had come round . Looking back maybe they were in denial but it seems that the noise was only heard by our family somehow . This fact seems to suggest the noise came from inside us somehow .
   Now you may remember I also made what sounded like a tall claim that this experience had a link to Wuthering Heights ! Well the manor house next door is rumoured to be one of the potential inspirational sites that Emily Bronte visited . Now no one knows the truth , but if you read the book near the beginning a character ( dont ask me who as its a complicated story I find ) hears a ghostly crying baby outside and she shuts the windows to try and block out the sound . A tenuous link surely ? I wasnt sure but a tale my parents told me aroused my suspicions further....
   Back in the seventies my parents were woken up in the early hours by the sound of galloping horses on what they insisted sounded like cobbles . This happened more than once . I was quite shocked to find in the part of Wuthering Heights when I think its the house keeper goes outside in the early hours to investigate some ones cruel actions to a dog , they hear the sound of many galloping horses . This fact is randomly dropped into the story for no supposed reason .I get a very strong feeling from that line that there is a connection !
 So that's two bizarre instances that have happened in both the book and to my family or me in real life . Maybe Emily did visit this manor . Maybe she to heard these weird noise too . Well we shall never know , but I know they happened....

Tonights moon

In public

Ive noticed for a long while a strange phenomena when im in public . Often when im say sitting down somewhere people will have overly loud conversations that I swear are spoken with such a pitch as to be aimed clearly to those in earshot nearby . They are often conversations on decision making to do with trivial matters of the moment . If they sit by me and im on my own I get the very strong feeling I am purposely being included in the conversation / situation  . Maybe they in their subconscious feel the need to get some validation ( even from a stranger ) to back up the point they are so vocally pushing ? This happens in particularly with family's I'm sat nearby to such a point I have to stop myself chipping in . Its such a strong feeling its hard to fight . Its strange , but its how it is....

Jewellers...Arrrgh !

It there is one thing I hate its jewellers shops . What a bloody rip-off ! They sell ring for 130 , 230 , 330 ect pounds a piece and they ALL  look the same ! I bet they cost a pittance to make and from the experience ive had in my family anyway they fucking always fall to pieces . That's why you " have to " take out a guarantee ! And they always do fall too pieces ! They are a tax on conventionalism and an emotional demand for money with vices . And of course EVERYONE adores them.... No I have not bought any recently !!!

Spring Harvest

Listening my new White Zombie  album I found a track that featured a sound loop of a manic preacher ranting at the end of a song . This brought back memories of a religious festival I went to with some friends called Spring Harvest . It was held at a bland town called Northallerton I think , near the East coast  . There were 7 of us and an old caravan that on arriving in a muddy field we quickly discovered slept 3 people officially . I slept in my car...
   Anyway one evening a large congregation of several hundred were listening to a preacher who I had never heard the likes off . He was ranting and hyped up . Today I would use the term " Americanised "  . Everyone joined in prayer , heads bowed , when suddenly this man decides to suggest any one who had been unfaithful to their wife or husband ( there wasn't " partners " back then ) and wanted to be forgiven by God should raise their hand and nobody would look up he said . Amazingly he said some he could see some hands raised as we  all had our heads bowed . Very stupid and very dangerous to toy with peoples lives like that . I mean just think of the damage he could or maybe even did do that day ! You can not toy with peoples lives like that . The service was highly charged . He spent a long while building up to this spectacle . I can only imagine the view he must have had from that pulpit and the power . I remember the deep anger I felt but nobody else seemed to find it offencive . This made me even more angry....
  My younger days were spent at various Christian youth groups at weekends and I never witnessed anything like that scene again . It was a one off from " the big boys " of religion .  . Once back home normality resumed , but I was always a little suspicious of a speaker wanting to " out " sin or anyone pushing peoples emotional buttons for any  kind of public admittance of sin . Is this Spring Harvest still going ? Yes it is , but ive been put off for life !

Falling to Pieces by Faith No More

Ellie Goulding - Anything Could Happen

      

Mmmmm   looks like my scene......

So easy to mis- read

Over several winters , in several different locations   that are rural , I have noticed at night a strange , empty atmosphere as the wind blows . A terrible lonely gusting wind . I believe this is the complete opposite side manifesting to the very thing I am searching for in life . I must be getting close then.....

Hollow moon illuminates

There is nothing that makes me feel sadder than a moon hung over the town of Kendal on a pleasant still Autumn night . It sounds idyllic but to me its  somehow soul destroying . The effect in the countryside is charged , in a town it amplifies the empty , soul less , still atmosphere . Its hell . I have always loathed a moon over that town . I think there is maybe a subconscious reason or maybe something from a past life ( do they exist ? ) to explain this . Its not natural at all for such a lunar person as me .

Odd

I woke up in the early hours last night and I swear I caught sight of  something brown stood over me , then it was gone ....

Every know and again....

Its not the first time its been suggested that I never give a clear account about what im waffling about on this blog , and I agree . The problem is I write about a part of my life I probably would be best not writing about really , but I find I must . This means a cryptic veil is cast over everything as this is necessary
   Another reason I cant just write in a straight forward manner is unusually I live and work in the area I was born . My friends read my blogs as do my family . I really already push the boundaries of what I reveal .  So I hope the previous posts reveal a bit more . I dont know how to end this post lol  .  I HAVE UPDATED THE BELOW POST !    ( and may do further updates yet to come)

The golden blog: Living by the moon

The golden blog: Living by the moon: So how does it feel to live by the moon ?  Well the first thing I noticed was my instincts were heightened . I aligned my plans with the gro...

The golden blog: Bitter sweet moon

The golden blog: Bitter sweet moon: Last nights moon sat so low it was only just visible over the hills of Dent . Orange circles were formed as clouds passed over . A very brig...

The face of God ?

I believe there are many instances that people can experience a moment that is for them personally for want of a better phrase is  a   " staring into the face of God experience  " . An event that is not necessarily religious but has the same strength of emotions and impact on your life. It maybe caused by a physical place or maybe a mystical moment . You may experience this through another person though I think this is rare as people are only human and " love " is probably as far as we can perceive our shallow emotions . Also the likely hood of being in a relationship with such a person is millions to one . Anyway it doesn't matter where we find this experience only the emotions we feel can validate it as the real thing .
  I would say from my experiences a typical reaction would be out right terror and an inability to carry on with an everyday existence . Yes terror is not too strong a word . Fear and trembling being more accurate . Your life will never be the same again . Having access or not to the original circumstances will become critical . Here the trouble starts as the dreaded everyday order sticks its oar in . To have your experience taken from you by others ( intentional or not ) takes its toll over time . The lives of many others become entwined with yours casting your most treasured experience to the twists of worldly happenings   . This is the ultimate stress . Its hard enough to process your emotions yourself without the twists of what the world can dream up   . Your soul is already in peril , then others unintentionally start dismantling your dream . Unacceptable ! My soul has been torn apart for four years . How I made it through I will never know . Its been like exposure to radiation . A slow cumulative affect ...This sounds very odd , but this is how it feels . I can see now why ive suffered so much . Its been epic . A few weeks ago I wouldn't have dared write this .

The nature of the catastrophe...

" The cold was absolute, his body fell away from him . Resurrection if it came would be painful."   Jerry Cornelious :  THE NATURE OF THE CATASTROPHE

" Do priority's need to be made or priority's need to be balanced ? "

We all go down for the God of the moment......

As the days are definitely shortening I feel another side to me as the season changes . A narrower field of vision in life . I can get a better feel for where I am and what I need and simply what needs to be done . Also my judgement gets worse and more unsavoury , hence my post removal , but this also allows me new fronts to acknowledge that I wouldn't normally muse on too much . Loose the things I need . Get them back somehow , simple . Qf course the everyday will continue and make a return next summer . My perceptions will change .

So simply says it all

http://www.songlyrics.com/white-zombie/blood-milk-and-sky-lyrics/       And of course the beauty lies inside as always......

White zombie-Blood, Milk And Sky

    

I remember this track making me very uneasy back in the day for a reason I couldn't decide  . Today I understand the lyrics....

I need some inspiration....

Im running on empty today . Im narrowing down my options . Ive ordered an album I need . Its the only thing I need and when I get it i'll feel better . Funny how a solution can come down to something so mundane as music . Music affects mood and mood affects your mind set , and mind set moves your life . Its not that complicated . Some things gonna give soon I tell you .Im tired and my eyes are sore . Tandem realities ahead .

ITS FUNNY HOW ITS ALWAYS  THE ONES ON PILLS THAT TELL YOU YOUR MAD !!!!

Living by the moon

I guess meeting your Archetype is suppose to be a happy event ? Well it was at first , religiously so . I had never experienced such a rapture of pure joy . I knew after a few days this was not a normal social interaction . All I knew was that I had found a key to a path my life had not yet found . I couldn't settle for months after that . I spent three months just looking out of my window at night unable to shake the feeling an almighty chain of events was starting . Anyway things went well , so well in fact life's flow  changed direction for me .Sometimes a thing can come too close and the stress of this sent me on holiday to Boscastle , hence my mysterious female experiences there . The woman who hid her face as she walked down the cliffside path ect . On returning home a friend suggested I read some Dion Fortune , and then my interest in the moon developed, this  helped me get by and maybe favour my future a little more . Without this I dont know what would have become of me ....
So how does it feel to live by the moon ?  Well the first thing I noticed was my instincts were heightened . I aligned my plans with the growing moon . I remember actively putting off opportunities to do things and doing them at the most advantageous time of the lunar cycle . Sound insane ? Well just imagine the discipline involved in doing that ! Sometimes I ached to do a thing but said no to myself as the time wasn't right . Actually over time this method started bearing fruit . The more I bought into it the more I gained . It was very much like faith really and I felt rewarded . I became very good at getting what I wanted . I could feel the contradictions of my desire to do things . I was a lower and higher self . When I went with my higher self I rebelled against my gut instincts and stuck through faith to another agenda . It worked . I cheated the system that confiscates lifes pleasure for most and usually reduces the everyday to the mundane . I spent many nights watching the moon in winter months from my bedroom window as our house faces East . Positive visualising really . A thing many people do .
  Were there any down sides ? Well yes.... Emotionally it was a case of a constant high . I remember one particularly bitter hard winter being aware of every single individual snow flake in my view as they blew around in the eddies of wind . I was listening to some pretty emotional music as well which when combined with watching the moon seemed to mentally boost  me . Even now several years later I was caught unawares by the full moon . It was unpleasant . There was an energy I had failed to use that weekend and I felt swamped . Until then I had wondered if looking back i'd over rated my experiences , but no . The hairs on my arms tingled with static . Ive never felt that before , even back in the day .
 So I was living in another world really for about three years , getting what I desired . This was soul destroying because also  in tandem my other everyday life was changing fast but I didn't care really as I was living the dream as they say....

Maybe I was just having a good run of it , but events were way beyond that . Looking back to the begining I remember a change in atomoshere when 2010 came in . I could feel old restrictions fall away and a new dawn come . The old patterns of denial of life was gone . It was my time , and time and space were gonna bend for me , and they did . Of course you must ask how long one could keep this up ( and there were lulls ) . Also how long
before the tide turns back as all life balances its self out eventually . Well that's a question im coming to this winter . Im 80% sure old ways have gone but that 20% is burning strong somewhere as I can feel it . Of course there is always the new ! Maybe this is progression . Maybe its a change over ? Maybe another tandem reality even ? Who knows....