So how did I feel after witnessing the accident . Well I felt very little . No panic , no confusion either , just total sobriety and focus . Ive been wondering why . Is it delayed shock ? Is it that ive faced so many emotionally destructive moments that threatened to destroy me , and ive grown used to such intense situations that I cant believe are really happening ? Maybe ive become " battle " hardened by my emotional experience of the Peak kind .
This theory holds water as in times of great stress I suddenly slow everything down and seem to become totally blasia and disconnected about the situation I'm facing . I believe its a coping mechanism ive developed as a side effect of stress over several years . For example I feel no anxiety about any Police action that may occur from the incident . I'm just like " so be it " you know . Its weird , I guess Im just not going to let events push me around any more . There is no action to worry about yet , but that doesnt mean there wont be , but that's hardly the point as this is just one example of how ive changed mentally . You can only live in crises for so long before you start to harden . Is this healthy ? Well i'll take it over the way ive felt these past years . Interesting times indeed.
I get that sort of detachment as well. Honestly, I think at times I am just tired of life and the repetitious dramas within it. What's strange is sometimes I will have peak experiences right after great times of stress.
ReplyDeleteWe have to detach to survive . Im finally learning to do it . How far I go with this idea is up to me I suppose . For too long ive felt too much . Its got to stop .It is stopping hopefully ...
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