A funeral and a wedding this week

I'll just leave this here as they say.

 

" It was large he thought. It was inescapable. It could not be dealt with easily "

 Ive been grappling for a year or two with trying to make sense of all the chaos I see around me in this valley. Trying to decide if it is normal or not. Today it hit me. Everything is fucked, eventually. Our health, surroundings, home and family, and ultimately ourselves. Entropy wins.

When we are young we cannot see it. Each generation starts off blind to it and by the time their eyes are opened another generation is setting off on that same journey completely unaware of what is ahead. They have been doing this since the dawn of man.

This can be seen simply when looking at other peoples lives over the years. You see the pattern that wont abate. It never stops you know. What has been created is also destroyed. If you are unlucky this will occur earlier in your life than in others.

Yesterday I came across a local who had been involved with two cyclists in a collision. One was on the floor sat grimacing and holding her leg. The woman was riding a quad bike. She was the Sister to the woman who lost her child due to her father reversing his pick-up truck.

I recognised intimately the look on her face because ive been there myself. There was frustration, annoyance, apathy and general despair at her situation. Why me ? Sometimes when youve caused something bad to happen to someone else the only way through is to dis- associate slightly from it, and feel annoyed after all you have already been through. The despair and futility of it all. Living on a single track road with blind corners that now is a very real hazard as more tourists navigate them. Its become an occupational hazard. Cold and un-emotional and illogical making a person feel helpless. 

And we are helpless. What will be will be.

 I seem to have coped much better with this intensely hot summer, and I was wondering why. Then it struck me. Here is what I'm thinking has helped...lol

1)  Weight loss

2) Hair loss

3) Blood thinners

A very clear and vivid crucifixion scene

  

                  Ive never seen such a violent depiction of martyrdom in a church window before

 

 You cannot be serious with those" what3words " co-ordinates. They are generated at "random " apparently.

 

Today ive had a really good ride out on my bike along a new canal ive found that is about an hour away. Passing a church ive never seen before always has me excited to check them out. There is usually something un-expected inside. 

The three "random " words are part of a grid reference system for the UK. Instead of using co-ordinates words are seen as simpler to remember or repeat to others. The words are often suspiciously un-random though. There again they say that even a broken clock tells the right time twice each day.

And in he just sailed right in

 Today the man whom I considered had some very interesting vampirish traits called at our farm to collect some stray sheep. This is a very rare occurrence, as we usually go to his farm, as its our sheep that have often strayed. That is not even a common event either, as some years we dont even go there at all.

The farm is up a small road at the very top of an adjacent valley. It is always an event to go there due to the families quirkiness, or sometimes plainly blunt observations. There is a sheep pen that is only accessible by going through a pitch black room with no windows. Well it is pitch black if you dont prop one door open whilst you reach the one on the far side. I found this out when I followed one brother through the room, and he just let the door swing shut resulting in total darkness for a second. That was like something out of a film. 

He than asked me in a whiney, creepy voice if I though some sheep smelled " strange " You can see why my imagination runs wild...lol

So with what I last posted so recently on this blog, I took an especially good look at him today. He is an eccentric character with a high pitched whiny voice. He is short with eyes a little too close together. His face is more square that oblong, and he has much light coloured facial hair, not a beard, but hair. A jaundiced  moulted complexion adds to his strange appearance. This most likely is due to a medical condition, but just adds fuel to my delicious idea. Its just another fact to add to a growing list of weirdness.

I did not how ever to remember to look at his hands. His general appearance was unsettling enough. Maybe all this is just due to the isolation of the farm ? Either way I like to run with the circumstantial evidence, and entertain the fact that just maybe...

Something else very odd happend. His Landrover was so quiet as it entered the yard. The wheels made no noise over the rough concrete and when he turned around there was no scrubbing noises coming from the tyres or scrambling noise coming from loose chippings under the wheels as they turned. The engine ran so smooth like a sewing machine and no the usual diesel racket. His trailer did not rattle either. This astounded me as it is often a noisy rattling affair when some drives into the rough yard. Above all I think this unsettled me the most. Ive lived here all my life and I know the noises of this place intimately.

Decades later !

Seems it was back in '95 when I stopped listening to Iron Maiden. I remember after their Fear of the Dark album I felt the band had past their best. Their long time singer Bruce Dickinson must have felt that way too, as he left to " pursue solo opportunities " next. That must have really knocked the band for six.

I knew a new singer had come along, but had no interest anymore by then. Only this week did I start listening to their next album. I was shocked when I saw how many years had past since then. Ive listened to half of the songs, and this one so far stands out. The new front man has a more down to earth and bassy voice than Bruce, and that suits this albums moody, murky sounds, and that I guess summed up the bands general mood at the time.

How long can we view the world before " throwing in the towel " of morality ? This may be due to the weariness of watching decades of human destruction. It is always there and never changes, and never will likely.  Is this how humanity survives and moves forward ? 

There is a theme that runs through this album. Many lyrics suggest a final change of mind about subjects and that the time for navel gazing and considering different view points have passed. Things are as they are today, and thats finally being accepted. I am close to that mindset myself.

 

Too close to home ?

As children we were fascinated by this grave. It came with a great story and physical " proof ". The strange thing is that there are so many other dark happenings in this valley that are much more recent but never will see the light of day and be shared due to the modern bashfulness that people feel about expressing an opinion thats rather out there. For instance the spontaneous combustion case is swept under the carpet and called a fire related death. Maybe in a hundred years the truth will out when there is no one to dismiss it with a logical explanation.

I think this grave has had a stone cross attached to it at some point in the square recess, and a metal rod that held it in place has snapped off a long time ago. But just why is a farmer buried in the most prime position next to the church porch ?  

I feel strange questioning this story. After all I have given more than a passing consideration to a story that someone told me about a  local man I know who is anaemic. When talking to him once she noted him having strangely long thin fingers on his hands. She is a Christian. She said he was acting odd and made a specific point of  mentioning the hands which chilled me. His father lived to be 100 and had terrific stamina and physical strength for his age. 

Maybe too much evidence makes us baulk at the truth ?  How much proof is enough to start worrying ? Is something mimicking fantasy horror through life ?

 

 Everywhere I go I hear the narrative of entropy

Thomas was having an existential crisis...