Its a very stormy night , the wind is roaring making a racket down my wood burning stove chimney . There has been a gusty wind this afternoon blowing the leaves in strange eddies in the farm yard . This reminds me of a book I read quite intensely .
My gums are really sore around my teeth , and my stomach doesn't feel quite right . I can hear the lashing rain showers blowing around coming from random directions on the wind . Winter is truly here .
I had what might be called a peak experience tonight for the first time maybe . I say peak as it was different to anything else ive felt until now . It was caused by a single line in a film " Perhaps he's happier with his own kind " The line gave me a wonderful glow inside and a wry sense of rebellion , and a sense of isolation from the ordinary world out there tonight . I felt totally at peace as though these last few years were all leading up to the person I am today today . I feel I have found my own kind recently .
Finally even though its a very cloudy night the moon is still burning through the clouds into sight occasionally before once again disappearing into the murkiness . This reminds me intensely of another bloggers video post of a moon scene they made a while ago . Yes very much so .
Due to events im not feeling all I should at the moment . A bit numb you might say . I told someone I felt emotionaly exhausted recently , and I am . I don't deny it !
My book by AC arrived today , and even the author says the book may seem to have been written to insult you in its complex and cryptic style . Im not in the mood for deep thought at the moment , but a quick glance found me reading a paragraph about how the way out of something was not the same way as you came into it ...
I have decided to leave two friendships behind or a least not actively persue them . If they return without any effort then im still here . I too tired for crap like that anymore or games . I crave normality . I really do . Its nice typing tonight in a warm room , gale outside , my candle burning ect . Im not where I expected to be this time last week . Ive come to realise sometimes some situations end just because they do , they just cant exist anymore . Im to tired to ask or enquire why ....
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