WOLFEN-Trailer

    

Im in the mood for looking back at films I haven't watched for too long . Wolfen if I remember right was about a pack of wolves that lived in a decaying part of a city that preyed on the weakest such as the homeless . It had a supernatural element to it . The city had replaced nature . If I remember right it had a good philosophy behind it and was quite deep for its time . Like I say , as I remember... ?                       http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfen_(film)    

What no one else can see

After going to Morecambe this weekend I must confess that there is something which amplifies the spirit of Autumn in that town at night . Maybe its the gusty sea wind or the way street lights under trees make the leaves appear more amber .  A sudden gust of wind  blew leaves rattling across a large deserted retail car park , this swamped me with a seasonal emotion more than a countryside scene . It was bleak  and uncompromising  .
   There is something in the town . Its in the dilapidated back streets of decay ( that's most places off the sea front ) . An atmosphere I cant explain . Maybe its of uncompromising decay , of a natural decomposition that's so human . Maybe there is a little Pan in there too . It feels electric when it should feel depressing . Most people do find it depressing . Ive always liked it .
   The surrounding countryside has a history of witchcraft ( Pendle Witches ) and I can feel and always have felt a nice energy around that rather bleak area. Whether that is a left over from magic done there a long time ago I don't know , but whatever It is Ive felt something exciting there for a long while .Of course the sea boosts the atmosphere too , maybe more than I realise..                 .http://www.pendlewitches.co.uk/

Hard to title this I think

Had a strange moment at Morecambe tonight as a gust of wind got up suddenly blowing dry leaves across the car park . Nothing strange about that I hear you say . The only thing was the noise they made was about three times as loud as it should have been  , so much so I stood on several small leaves just to see what their consistency was , the noise was more like pebbles rolling across the tarmac than leaves . It was rather odd .

A puzzle.....

Here is a picture of a sequence of lines that appeared on my car back window glass about two years ago . Water or condensation used to gather on the lines making them stand out . I have never really got to the bottom of what this lay out of lines means . It remained for years . I dont know what could produce scratches of straight lines . Maybe its astrological symbol ?  Thats not my expertise  ( in fact it bores me ) but if anyone has any ideas I would love to know ! I have since sold the car....

A changing perception ?

My perceptions are changing . My blog looks different . My profile picture looks different . Everything looks more cluttered on here . I'm seeing more .  Im seeing more detail . Ive said before as the light fades I get more focused . My world becomes narrow . Mentally I expand , but physically I wane .Maybe this is my seasonal disorder kicking in as the day light hours decreasing  . Im getting more tired and my posts more out spoken  . This will increase as winter comes . Ive decided to label my posts on my seasonal disorder from now on so they can be read as a whole eventually. This should be revealing....

Anchorites

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Now thats devotion !

I saw on a TV program that in medieval times some extremely committed spiritual people volunteered to be walled up in a room permanently in their church . They had a window for food to come in to them , a window to see the alter and window facing outside the church for people to come and ask their advice about spiritual issues . There was no doorway in or out .The rest of the persons life was spent in prayer and meditation within their " cell " Imagine that level of commitment ! What mental or spiritual heights could you reach when life was void of all distractions ? Also what mental stress ?    I now find they were called Anchorites . This is going somewhere....  I have a relation who used to live on a housing estate called Anchorite Fields ....                                    

Millennium - Life of a Comet (Frank Black)

  

Im feeling ever more like this as the weeks go by . Soon I will have to find some answers either way . The time is near as they say.....

The golden blog: Radio 4 does it again !

The golden blog: Radio 4 does it again !: Once again Radio 4 has entertained me with a piece about a woman Minister/ Psychiatrist  . She presented the idea that sometimes people with...

Archetype ?

I took this photograph at Boscastle in June 2012  having just arrived one evening . I have been going there on holiday for about four years now .  It was only three months later when looking at my holiday photo's on a laptop that I noticed the woman in the pink dress , white shoal and shoes . I returned last year to the position I took the photo from and it would have been impossible to have missed seeing her originally,  which opens up all sorts of questions . Why is she stood dressed like that staring directly at me ? She doesn't even really look there at all . Something is odd about her positioning . If you zoom in on her unfortunately she blurs but you ( well I do ) feel a very strong presence about her . Sadly some will think its a  " photo shop " trick . She may even be of this world . If that is so then she is really making a point of being noticed . Of course the figure is female ! I don't recall if the moon was full though . There are two men behind her . One looks like he is taking a photo of the bay by the way his hands are at his head . Giving his position I doubt he has anything to do with the pink figure . I don't think he is even aware of her given his body language . But just look at the body language of the woman in pink !!! Its screams " I'm here ! "
 You can see the quartz crystal layers in the magnetic rock . Maybe this effects events there , I don't know. Anyway  I have waited quite a while for the right moment to post this . I now feel it can do no harm to share this image . All I can say is it feels very personal to me. I never tire of looking at it . If anyone can zoom in and " clean up " the image I would be very interested in the results .  I think she is connected to Isis  . As all my strange events have been manifested by women  .
  This summer a large wicker Pan has sprung up outside the Witchcraft Museum meaning the end of Isis there i think . I dont pretend to understand the concept of Pan as its not in my nature but I know he is connected to fatherhood and moving on from overwhelming emotional circumstances . Is that also the way im going ? No wonder life is so confusing at the moment .....

A film ive been waiting years to see..

Well tonight I watched a film adaptation of a book . There were quite a few parallels between the story and the last few years of my life . It was broadly about what kick started my esoteric awakening and the mystical happenings . The film had a sad ending and thanks to my real life common sense I could look at said film and think " there but for the grace of God go i... " 
   The sensitive handling of a hard subject showed the author had some real life experience of what he had written . I recognised myself in parts . It brought back some memories and I often thought I know how the character is feeling now . Or I remember how that feels ...
  Interestingly the plot was affected by unbelievable twists of fate that aided the main character . Ive experienced this also . There were misunderstandings and freaky verbal moments too which I also remember happening to me too . There were echoes of  mystical happenings there but only me  being " in the know " allowed me to be recognise them  . So to sum up the film was about an event that in real life awakened my side you read so much about today . Uncomfortable then ? Yes.

Bloody hell

Today a copy of H.P Lovecrafts  " At The Mountains of Madness " arrived from ebay for me with a large food stain on the back cover !  Urrrrgh .  Stupidly I left if on the floor where someone then dropped a big blob of jam on it and then one of butter . Is this book doomed ? lol

Psalm 121

I feel so calm tonight . Funny because a low moon has shone on me as ive laid on our sofa watching TV all night . So what can be so different about tonight ? Well the manic atmosphere of last night has passed totally . It was unbalanced and caught me by surprise when I returned home . The moon was so high last night . I felt the " lunacy " effect for sure . Tonight is crystal clear mentally , last night was a haze of emotion and repression multiplied many fold . This proves that lunar forces exist .
   This brings me onto a bible   quote Psalm 121    " the sun shall not smite thee nor the moon by night " . This quote turned up at the funerals of two grandparents on opposite sides of our family .  Opening my childhood bible its also been underlined at some time to be read out at Chapel years ago . Strange . The sun may smite you but how could the moon ? Well judging by last night I can now answer that question !    

THE MYSTICAL WORLD IS REALL . ITS HERE . ITS NOW .  I wonder if Christianity or other religions manifest so real to others ?  I see no reason why not . Maybe they just weren't for me ?

Coming soon....

This week I shall post a fascinating photo I took at Boscastle in which an Archetypal figure appeared . Ive waited  over a year for the right time to share this...

Garbage - My Lover's Box [lyrics]

Melancholy moon

Watching the moon so high in the hazy sky tonight I am thinking about how mad these  last two months have been . Each week my sanity is tested by events I cant print on here anymore . Im on a new path .
 Ive been looking back at past posts and shall re-post them if they illuminate who or the person ive become . Partly for closure and partly to cheer me up as im a bit lost at the moment . 
  Its an electric night out side . Still , misty and a very high heady moon . Just knowing like minded souls out there me helps tonight ....
  Its no good I cant sleep , all is light up outside in moonlight . Im frustrated as I cant find words to describe how I feel about the atmosphere . Its an intense atmosphere but also inert . Powerful but benign . Once you've lived by the moon a night like tonight awakens the power in you and you feel like your letting it slip through your fingers . Ive a feeling events maybe turning but which way ? Dare I believe ? My house is creaking as it does at these times . Little cracks and pin prick taps . As I returned home tonight my skin tingled with the static inside . Tonight I feel old emotions and hungers . Im going to have to re-group my senses and come to some kind of plan . Half living is no use tonight ....

The golden blog: Winter mode

The golden blog: Winter mode: Yep the change has started , its November . Days are short and i am tired however much sleep i get so i ignore it till i explode ! Everythi...

Silver sea / ground zero.....

Everything tires , everything passes away , everything breaks......

Tonight I'm confused about reality . Im living at a stage of my life that a long while ago I looked ahead too but thought would never come , not because of anything profound , but just couldn't imagine reality that far ahead . Strange days .
  Ive been through something so intense that I left the everyday world behind . This situation seems to have drifted ( no pun intended ) away , I think leaving me to face the ordinary everyday . I have forgotten how to live that way . I really have . Each day passes and I think OK that's another day gone . I cant go back to who I was before so im in a no mans land . What the hell am I going to do ?Just exist ? I should have never invested so much time and energy into a big gamble despite winning . Sometimes you can loose something by no other reason than a unstoppable change of order in life . Just a change , no fault of your own . Its the balancing up after you've had a good run in the past . I cant complain my life is good , its just what ive lost and worse is the fact I might regain it but can I be bothered with the fight ?  My greatest fear is looking back in regret  . In that respect I have no worries at least , its the future that's baffeling . 
 New welcome things arrived in my sphere as old ones seemed to vanish . Is this progression ???
 

Good advice for anyone.....

KEEP CLAM AND DO WHAT THOU WILST .....

One of those nights.... : )

It one of those nights . There is a howling whistling wind that has been blowing with a strange steady consistency all afternoon . Not enough to be called stormy but rather a magical , playful wind and a full moon atmosphere . There is  an electric atmosphere outside . You could cut it with a knife.....

Sterile clean space

My mind keeps been drawn back to the atmosphere or rather lack of one inside this " temple " . A temple implies that there is some force inside . In fact there was nothing or more importantly less than nothing . Several times when Ive felt anxious and my brain was racing I recreated that stillness in my thoughts and my head emptied completely giving me a re-set button for my mind . It was surprisingly easy to do . Very easy .

Off to work....

The full moon is " forcing a crises " as several old friends in the " real world  " are hovering in my sphere .  Much games are abound ....   I cant judge anything today .
  It is funny how Autumn seems to be here on a stormy day and gone when the sun comes out . A torrential shower moves up the dale , then as the sun comes back out summer seems to reappear . Cue dusk and Autumn is back ...

What I meant to say....

Ive found a great deal of wisdom on the blog scene and depths of understanding I never knew existed . For the first time for a while I think ive found something different , that  1 % I bang on about . I need this . Its good . I don't see it anywhere else . Period .

All in the game

Well that big moon is trying  damn hard . But hey that goes with the territory.... 

Merlins cave / Tintagel

As Simon Iff would say.....

Something very odd happened last night . As is the case with last weekend I cant say what it was only the time of its happening ;  4.30 am maybe of some relevance ? 

I need some rest.....

I  want to find a virtual stake for vampirestats and some online virtual garlic ?  Who's with me ?

Words I wont forget

" You are the moon , im the stars and the sun is the everyday life that separates us . The clouds are the people that get in the way , but they don't realise it so its not their fault ..  "      One of the nicest things anyone ever said to me ! Where has time gone too ?

A long running saga

Where ever I go water pipes groan . At my house or up at the farm or on holiday in Tintagel in  Cornwall .This is nothing new . I get used to it . I expect it ! But recently even water that has gone down the plug hole is gurning and trying to get back up . Water around me is chaos . Again none of this makes sense or enlightens me in any way .  When Gareth Knight wrote his biography on  Dion Fortune he said that he was plagued by ever more ingenious water problems . I have lived that scenario  .
  . Ive heard water represents the subconscious . This is a nice idea but if that's the case I fear for my subconscious if my water shenanigans are anything to go off .... I have just discovered the label tool on blogger . I will try and label all my water posts . Its a long running saga with me .

First Autumn Moon

Well its a beautiful moonlight night as I drove home from my cousins house over at Kendal . The moon is brightly illuminating the hills and the river is lit up silver . A gusty wind is moaning round our windows as the moon goes in and out of the clouds , Its a cool , fresh night . Nice after a heady weekend . I am full of memories from past times tonight . So many moons , so much fun I had . Also so much turmoil . Still I wouldn't change a thing.......

Everynow and again.....

Occasionally I write stuff on my blog and wake up the next morning with that sinking feeling . It comes with being a " suggestible lunar type " as Dion Fortune would say . Im sure we've all thought  " why did I post that "!  But this morning I have to finally ask my self what I believe . Editing my content cannot change my views but maybe not everything should be a post able proposition .
 Being involved in this esoteric scene can be quite heady . This is not normal life and it can be hard to keep your feet on the ground . Its an unusual path. If an apology is needed , its given . There again im too neurotic anyway . Still  there are some big questions to answer . When you have evidence of  " magic " to hold physically or on a photograph you've taken then im afraid the logical mind can no longer run away . Im reaching that stage today as the rain falls . Is this blog still the correct forum for it ? Well its far from perfect but its all ive got . If it throws up the odd thing you find hard to accept or disturbs you then I guess im in good company because what I find does unsettle me sometimes .
  Ive written about syncronicitys  that if genuine are mind blowing and if just coincidence  are still mind blowing . For some of them that have occurred  yesterday  Im equally amazed either way ....       I will not post any further correspondence on yesterdays synchronicity subject on line . Im rattled alright , and im going to need some answers . How can a news paper article be all that ?  I removed the post details about it because its a step past my understanding .My minds a buzzing......

Good old Boscastle....

If im brave.....

Today its cold . A chill of Autumn is on the air for sure . Its  a dull overcast day and only a slight breeze . Ive been doing a bit of work changing the look of my Moon like dreams blog and shall be adding some more things ive written in the past , including some short pieces of writing ( if im brave ) Some of the stuff ive written looking back is based on the writing style of Michael Moorcock and his Jerry Cornelious storys . Like I said IF im brave ?

A ramble

What a strange week its been . Once again time has slowed down to a crawl but just doing the everyday menial things like getting up , getting dressed and cooking my breakfast seem to be taking up so much of my day its getting worrying . I couldn't tell you why , but I have felt this way before . This usually happens when life begins a new phase so to speak .
  Another thing that's been impossible to do is strangely get a hair cut ! Ive tried three times and travelled 120 miles in the process ( I did other things in town as well )  I need an eye test too as im getting headaches reading blurry print . God knows when that is gonna get done . When I try and travel it ends in me going in circles and getting no where .
  Ive felt something new coming all summer . Its not been pleasant . Now is a new chapter .
 Today a new synchronicity has begun that shocked even me . Ive seen some crazy stuff but today caps it all . Ive been here before . All is good . 
  The half moon is now visible on this cold crisp  autumn night . Soon the power of the season will be at full whack and an approaching full moon will speed up events . It has before . My candle flames are erratic and something is in the air and strong . My stars are revealing for sure . Im going to have some fun . Ive earned it . For too long ive wrestled with myself . Past situations have ruled me too much .But that was my fault....

  

A dark side

One nasty by product of mystical thinking that comes from linking events together to create a bigger picture by sometimes by playing " fast and loose " mentally is that one negative coincidence can flip you easily into a paranoid state building a whole negative world around one little coincidence . This is a dangerous by product . If you learn to think like this about exciting things and you drift off to a existential big picture , beware it can cut both ways sadly . You have been warned..... In order to see a subjective mystical picture you MUST surrender logical thinking but unlock that gate and it may be hard to keep the negative mental horse from bolting as such . I have found this out too late .I need to learn to put that mental " safety catch " back on or the cost could be dear .  Of course I have now contradicted my last post but such is the mystical world . Its all in the game  as they say.....

Semi-psychotic ?

You may have heard me at times banging on sounding " semi-psychotic " ( as a my sister called me ) about the Triple Number Plates . These car registration plates contain three numbers all the same obviously . They range from 2 up to 9 . They are a novelty and although not rare they are not common either . I should make a " freedom of information request " to see how many 666 or 777 are on the road . This would then maybe validate my point further  .
  Basically I get periods in my life when most journeys I make  involve seeing the triple 666 or 777 and 999 on up to three cars on the way . Some times I can feel them coming , especially the 777 ones . This is not a happy sign as turmoil is never far behind . But is it coincidence ? Am I just " looking for them ?  " Friends also see this pattern when they look so I claim no great powers ! LOL 
  What does get more mysterious is when I see two 777 number plates within minutes at an eyebrow raising place . Firstly for example when driving past the Buddhist monastery I visited recently . Now that was like a slap in the face to wake me up . This event inspired me to pay a visit in fact . Of course there was a 777 in the car park there that day..... The second example that actually made me feel a bit ill was travelling back over the remote single track road from Applecross in Scotland after visiting St Columba's founding church . Meeting two cars with 777 plates up there was also a " slap " to the face . You see seeing such patterns in general is intriguing and amusing . To see them in a more pin pointed  religious situation demands yet more of my attention .

If these gatherings of triples at important times is not random can you imagine the manipulation of the drivers daily routines that would be necessary to align these plates in my sphere and with my planned journey  at the correct point for me to see them together ? Now that would be orchestration of events proving a conscious force . Not actually that controversial given the events of the past few years... maybe ?

Uncanny

I am lost for words at some people and their  amazing ( a much over used word ) insight into the world ive found . Unbelievable , incredible ...ect     Think its time to get to work , I cant be a full time blogger ! LOL

Maybe its all the paracetamol ive taken but.....

Tonight I had to smile at my blog feeds I watch coming up ! A bizarre mix of supercharged Christianity and Occult  subjects . The strangest thing is one lead to the other . Do my religious watchers pray for my soul or are they really not that much different to me ? They rarely break cover . It baffles me why they follow my blog . I guess they get where im coming from . Maybe people are more open minded than I think ....

Well how do I title this ?

My first experience  that taught me there was more to life than what is visible occurred when I was about ten years old . I was walking with a friend to a remote small river to fish . Suddenly to our surprise a  whole perfect slice of white bread just dropped out of thin air onto the ground in front of us . Rather amusing at the time if it wasnt for the single bite that had been bitten out of it . Let me explain .

  The bite was of cartoon proportions . The teeth were exaggeratedly large and perfectly spaced . Too large . Too perfect . The slice of bread was pristine too . No animal had mauled it . Where did it come from ?

What made the huge bite ? The perfect huge bite mark seemed to mock the impression of a human explanation . Ive recently mentioned this day to my  friend and he still remembers the event as I do . We both still laugh about it . I know it sounds silly or childish but it was unsettling . The teeth suggest a mocking entity im sure . My explanation is it dropped from another dimension however trivial my story sounds . The tooth size suggest a sense of humour / mockery and a hint of showing off oddly . What ever it was it certainly made an impression on me .

Top Tracks for Gigi D'Agostino (playlist)

    
 
I don't expect anyone to understand this but this album changed my life . I cant listen to it ( ive just tried and theres too many memories ) anymore . Having just had what some call a peak experience that was as good as religious and just as innocent   I bought this CD on ebay .
   Can music drive alchemy  ? Yes heres why. Music drives emotion , emotion moves events . Music has tone and pitch and if it moves you enough places you in a different sphere . Listen to it everyday adding the emotions you feel elsewhere in life and events will move . Of course the emotion must be there first ( cue Archetype ) . Put the two together and you have a potent mix . 
  Does this album sound cheesy ? Yes . Sophisticated ? No . What it does have is rock steady consistent beats that drive your mind into a state of euphoria . The subtle elevations of rhythm and tones change beautifully and mechanically . This simple album moved my soul . Its more than the sum of its parts .  If your feeling down I guarantee if you play it everyday you will feel a lift , but be careful what you unleash !!!

Wierd even by my standards....

Had a strange dream about Aleister  Crowley taking me to a  bar to work out a chart to help me with something I now cant re-call ! Woke up feeling like its Christmas this morning !!!

Another blogger gripe .....

Why cant I edit a comment on my own blog once ive posted  it ?  Or even delete all trace of it  and re-write it if I make a mistake without blogger leaving a sinister looking " comment was re-moved by author ? "  This looks messy and I don't like it ....It leaves the wrong impression .

Lets clear a few things up !

I feel I need to say a few things as I never know how im perceived but the heaviest magical thing Ive done is burn a candle and maybe a few superstitious little mundane acts . A bit of positive thinking around a moon cycle . Thats it really . Ive done this very successfully in the past . I like the mystical world and the strange stuff its thrown at me . Ive done nothing heavy or strange . I was raised a Christian but saw nothing or felt anything real in it . I have felt something in the mystical world though . Its my home !

A revelation ?

Ive recently started reading Aliester Crowleys short fables called The Golden Twigs . In one story a magician who is famous for manifesting rain for the people passes his secret method on to his apprentice . Its simple . When people approach him asking him to make  rain  and he  sees the signs in nature that rain is near  he agrees to do " magic " that conjours rain . If no rain is coming he throws an artistic wobbly and scares the asker who runs away in awe and fear . So he only performs when he knows he can " deliver " as such .
   Do we pray when we subconsciously know that the events we crave are actually coming anyway . What about positive thinking ? Does this work the same ?  How about " magic " ? Did we know before trying to influence the out come of a situation that we it was always going our way . Do we kid our selves on with a perceived sense of control ?  If we know were getting what we want in the future is this magic in its self  ? Is magic or praying just a sign of magic already manifested and completed ? Is pray an after event , not a event previous . This is a bit like the  Preterism idea  strangely . This thought has just popped in my head now . Its funny how reading anothers ideas can unlock your own mind . I like this . This doesn't happen everyday....

An abomination

Im shattered ,. Ive had a good day but also entirely  unsettling  . Today is saw  a very tall man who had had a sex change  . He  was about 70  . He had un kept hair and a very rugged face  and a horrible look of glee on his / her face that haunts me still tonight . He was an abomination of God and nature , of sexuality and the human condition . He was a fucking monstrosity , an abomination  . He was walking hand in hand with a short bald man !!!!  He looked like a witch , he really did look malevolent . I drove by . Im an adult and he scared me like a child . I didn't know such things walked this earth as that .  Im not a narrow minded person or bigoted but something about him isn't right . The devil even ? Unsettled .
  He represented a blasphemous bastardisation of nature . He looked evil that's whats eating me . I could sense this . Im not happy tonight.... I wasn't going to say this but he made me think of the witch in the film Suspiria  ., very much so . This also alarms me much .
   Why has only just come to me after a bit of sleep . He was an anti- archetype !!! The exact opposite of womanhood . The exact opposite of beauty . The exact opposite of natural . He was a walking rebellion of nature . He was also totally free of all categories or boxes ....

The end result ???

If the result of a magical force produces something organic and real in your sphere could you miss seeing this ? If its a thing of this world it may be taken for granted . I feel the results of magic  ( magic being defined as something that otherwise would not have happened ) are very much of this world for me . My daughters very unlikely conception being just one . A product of Isis if ever there was one. And as for other fringe benefits ...... ?

Synchronicitys / fearful symmetry

Synchronicity are everywhere you just need to tune into them . I guess the ones that matter to you will jump to the fore . I have noticed for a few days one on my TV and now I see  its continuing to its conclusion  in online news sources  as well .
  Ive seen a lot of this sort of thing . The stories I could tell but I can give no reason why they occur other than the finder needs to address the issue raised . If you are lucky enough to know what the issue is clearly then you are blessed

One must first carefully consider all the implications of an action.... Jerry Cornelious

I almost  forgot this rather amusing incident that occured on my holiday . On stumbling upon a well blessed by  St Columba I decided to touch a little water on a slight skin condition I have had a long while . Well if the water was blessed what is the harm in doing that ? Afterwards I started to read the plaque of information alongside . I got quite a shock when it began by saying  " This water once had a reputation for causing ulcers and blisters when touched ! "  For a moment my heart really sank until I read on " but after being  blessed by St Columba now is rumoured to have curious medicinal powers .... "   Phew !   You can imagine my relief.....

Peace

One day when I reach a higher level of consciousness , when I discover what I find hard to believe , maybe I will be able to resist the weak option of mentally tearing  to pieces that which seems out of this human world .   Tonight I feel a great peace after a turbulent day .

Damned statistics

Now here is a lesson ive learnt today . There are lies , damned lies and statistics . Never have I had a better example of this than today  . My blog Drifting Sideways is showing all page views as from the UK  on the world map . In other words its showing all views as  if they are coming from the UK  .Well that gave me a surprise this morning !!! LOL    Never trust technology.....
    A year ago my Golden blog would not show UK page views  .  Not too happy with blogger .com at the moment .....
  On a brighter note ive finally got back to reading a book again ; The Simon Iff Stories  . And im enjoying this immensely again .

Me thinks its time for bed.....

Why am I so uneasy tonight ? Every now and again I cant hold on to any feeling . A woman with wisdom beyond her years once told me in response to that statement that " You cant cross the same river twice " , Basically things never stand still as water flows so do events . I feel evaluating  my emotions is  like trying to hold water in a sieve .
 The very act of one day following another is an unnatural concept .

Everybodys missing what they are missing........

Moon / sea / archetype

One of the most bizarre sites I have ever seen occurred last August when I was on my traditional fishing holiday in Scotland . While having a particularly slow day in the fishing department my heart suddenly missed a beat at what was going on a short distance away . On the sidewalk of the sea bridge I was fishing off was a remarkable young Japanese woman . She was in her prime , say mid twenty something . She wore a pale blue short thin dress that blew up in the wind as cars drove by . She leapt and erratically bounced around taking photographs of herself using the Eileen Donnan castle as a back drop . She was unusually for a woman so attractive on her own with a camera set on a tri-pod . Traffic slowed to watch her dream like performance . She was an archetype alright . She was putting on a strange erotic one woman show . This woman was not a tart.
   Now what happened next really excited me in the esoteric sense . It was a high tide , a very high tide and she walked out on a small peninsular of land . Suddenly the sun came out lighting the grassy slither of land she stood on in a  beautiful emerald green shimmer as she continued to jump and leap in the air taking photos of her self mid air . Just picture that scene ! The whole spectacle was a performance .
 Finally she walked back towards me on the bridge , crossing purposefully to my side and heading right for me . I panicked , feeling quite guilty at the amount of time i,d spent watching her . As she passed I through awkwardness  forced eye contact . She gave me a smile and clip cloped away in her high heels .
  Again my perception is everything but that event was more than the sum of its parts . And of course it was a full moon !!! Why am I tonight feeling so uneasy then ?  The feeling of awe at having been lucky enough to have this woman for a short time in my sphere still excites me looking back tonight......

A plan is a plan .

Today I have decided to abandon a sticky situation and come back to it when the leaves have fallen off the tree's , the nights are cold and clear and the stars are crisp and bright and the air is damp with the smell of decaying summer leaves . Its not a bad plan as plans go . It has direction , vision and logic and a mindset . To align ones self with a big unstoppable shift in nature is a good tool im hoping . If nothing else it gives me a break . Subconsciously it gives me a chance to give up ?  Whoops caught myself out again....

Still laughing ?

The first episode of Evies favourite early morning morning tv program  was about the clearing out of a house of possessions no longer needed , the second episode was about foreign pen pals as I wrote my blog....   It raises a serious question though ; when does a series of events become more than a " coincidence " ?

A new look ?

Im thinking of having a clear out of pictures and various paraphernalia I have decorated around the house . I need a new direction . A new look . Strangely ( well not strangely for my world ) I visited a junk shack on the Isle of Skye last year and spied a painting I liked but never got round to buying . I spent the next year thinking about how I should have bought it . Guess what ? This year it was still there hung on the shed wall so now its mine ! The store owner said she sends everything to auction once a year but that got left behind by mistake . Maybe it was a sales pitch but I like to think its true.... I also bought a rather Gothic mountain winter scene with a silhouetted wolf against the black winter forest and light winter sky . This im particularly pleased with . Well one mans junk is anothers treasure .

If your still reading this blog by now i guess you will understand this view point ! I hope......

I have often thought I have seen esoteric instances in the media , or a sequence of messages that seem to be aimed at me ( i can hear a worried murmur out there ) Sometimes this is through very mundane channels . The Daily Telegraph is particularly good at cutting headlines aimed at my perceptions . They are often uncannily poignant to me but of course are totaly subjective .
  Since my daughter was born childrens tv ( toddler ) is a mass of words connected to my mindset . Maybe this is because its an innocent medium and is open in a child like way to these forces . I read a book that suggested those on a mystic path may be contacted through childish images as the elemental forces use these so as to not alarm us . Yes I can go with that . Recently everyday tv contains references to word " magic " many times ( probably in the teens ) each day . Last night a strange wind howled round our house as a song sung by a cartoon character sang " Can you feel the magic , can you feel the magic working tonight ? " This went on for several minutes . During these silly moments you can just feel when a situation is more than others are seeing it . Its what pyschism is all about .
 Of course the context in which you are to take the " message " in is unknown so you may go off on a false tangent ( guilty m'lord ) but hind site will set you right !  Quite how ive ended up writing a mystical blog is amazing me tonight . I know its my path ....... I would have liked to put this in a more sophisticated style but i am pushed for time .

Morgan Le Fey ?

Cant really think of the right thing to say today so I shall say nothing......

A new dawn

Why ?????

Damn it ! I cant sleep tonight . This week the name of the friend in the offline world  I cant get to see has appeared at a Buddhist temple complex and near the St Columba church ruins . Both events manifested incredibly crassly  . One was spoken to me making my stomach turn when the context was revealed , the other was written but in a way that mocked the synchronicity of several instances that have occurred miraculously over the summer . Meanwhile this person is well out of my sphere but in everyone elses ! Why am I being taunted this way with false hope ?  Why , why , why ???    This is the first dark sign ive seen since my journey began . Of course it probably isn't a dark sign and has another meaning that im not educated enough to fathom.....

A necessary / essential cost ?

This afternoon I have through looking back on my last few years  decided that I have something to say that may be helpful regarding the subject of avoiding troublesome social situations . This is because I have lived through this myself . I have at times run . I have at times faced up to resulting in great mental anguish and cost situations I found .... ( i cant think of a word bad enough to explain how scared I felt )  . I know all consuming fear . Whether I was right to allow a situation like this to affect me so much is quite another question . But I do know ( and I know its a cliche ) that running or avoiding a situation gives it more power over you . I always found avoiding something didn't help me as i still felt it still lurked behind my back .
  I guess it all comes down to the cost . I myself found I started to avoid certain social situations and then I found what I lost out on grew and grew .... I missed out on enjoyable family gatherings . But this was a price I found worth paying to keep my head intact and the awful anxiety at bay . Very sad but true . So I know that running is sometimes necessary to survive but looking at me today I regret it . I also respect at times it is the only option but where does it lead too if you go down this path for years ( and suddenly it does become years )  I should know as im still kind of on that path . In fact today im wondering if i can run away completely . This post is all part of my attempt to find closure . I have tears in my eyes now but it must be said . This has been a while coming.....Regret is a terrible thing . The things I missed out on . I wouldnt want anyone else to go through that .