Things I learned in 2022

 How to switch off or concentrate on nothing more than getting through each day.

 How to manage time when suffering slows it right down.

 How to enjoy myself whilst feeling like hell inside, and to some extent dissociate from that  anxiety. 

 How to watch nature spring to life over months whilst feeling destroyed myself.

 How to do a daily task and make it an " up " mentally each day.

 How to never trust experts entirely to map out a way forward. Sometimes you may be a while on a false   road that is only brought to your attention by chance.

 How to say " No, im not well enough "

 The brain takes a long while to heal ( or seems to )

 How to deal with being hounded by circumstance and still laugh at its viciousness.

On a more positive note....

How to open my mind to new activities

How to explore " new " places on my doorstep

How to realize my identity out side of my work

How to cool off in a heatwave...lol

No one is infallible know matter how competent they seem.

Sometimes the " hair of the dog that bit you " can be a cure or a help.  

https://fb.watch/hJWgrklau-/ 

A new side to me for sure

 Ive felt a new and growing side to me recently. A side which just says what Im thinking at anytime, however uncomfortable this may be for someone else. I feel no guilt at all in saying these things. There is no excitement or adrenaline rush either. Tonight while queuing outside a chip shop things came to a head though.

A man had a dog, a hound that kept barking in front of me, or rather it made a series of barks every 30 seconds. After 2 minutes I suddenly shouted at him " For gods sake shut that bloody dog up ". It just came out. One moment I was thinking it, and the other I was yelling it. It seemed seamless and automatic and I didnt give a damn. Not like me at all. My wife who was embarrassed told me to just wait in the car while she continued queuing. 

Maybe its a lack of inhibition thats being caused by the pills Im taking ? I also think that after the hellish year Ive had I just feel that I can cut loose a bit more in my actions. This is going to take some watching as that split second moment between thinking and saying seems to be none existent. How many of us have a safety catch for our mouths ? Or maybe we are scared to say what we think ?

This hospital has a DISTURBING secret

One of the strangest tales Ive heard on this channel...

Trickster On The Run - Praise Be It’s Christmas

Im loving this. It just sums up 2022 and how we are expected to be jolly at this time of year...

Village People. Get it ? lol

There are now in the upper teens of gay women living in this rural idyll, though this was not always so. The last one to come out left her husband. Again this is a ridiculous number for such a small area. The valley seems to be imploding and I guess the outside world is flooding in.

This might be my attitude in 2023. Is it the only way ahead nowadays ?

Health abounds where beauty surrounds ?

 Considering I live in the middle of nowhere there are a constant stream of ill people. Flu seems rife despite the low population. It has got so bad that Im avoiding things like my daughters school play and the church carol service, and I still have contracted a damn bug. If you choose to attend an event there is the risk you will have a price to pay. It could be a nasty one, but worse is the fact you cant predict what others are carrying.

I obviously dont feel as bad as last December, but it reminds me of that horrible time.

I think the problem is the growing population moving here from the south. They have visitors who spread the bugs. The population is no longer solely " local "

A full circle

 I have a profound feeling that ive come a full circle in these last 12 months. It hit me like a wave yesterday. A sense of normality is returning in my mood, and with it the anger of the inevitable December bad luck sequence which started again this week. My car key fell in bits stranding my wife who was borrowing one of my cars because hers was in the garage. My daughter fell down the school steps. The dryer has broken and a slurry scraper has broken, again. Everything is happening again.

Its a simple fact that " You can change the words but you cant change the tune ". These December events are an eternal tune. Only how I react to them matters now. There is also a bad " flu " bug going around the valley. I really hope this is not going to be a repeated pattern for me as well. It sounds like covid but people are calling it flu. Hmmm. When we want something to vanish, in desperation we change its name. I predicted this would happen. It had to.

My daughter said I should lock myself in a cupboard until after Christmas....lol

To put it very bluntly ?

 The goal posts represented womans genitalia. Harry Kane, England captain missed the essential penalty knocking us out of the world cup because subconsciously he was thinking of the gay agenda he and his awful football team are so publicly keen on supporting.

How can a team that starts the game taking the knee in an image of defeat and submission go on to win ? They should be aligning themselves with archetype or traditional masculine images, not those  of minorities. They are however a reflection of modern Britain. Of course all this nonsense came from the USA. What a world wide embarrassment.

Pyscho pass the parcel....

 Ive just got home after a really fun afternoon at my inlaws, but I must admit that a certain game of pass the parcel took an odd turn. For starters my mothering in law used a ticking toy bomb for a timer. It is used in anther game usually. Why not use just use Christmas music ?

The second oddity came when my sister in laws husband threw the parcel at me hitting me on the chin quite hard. He wasnt laughing. When asked why he did it he replied he didnt know why, but it felt good ! Weird. When I threw some screwed up paper at him in  " jest "  a few minutes later it hit him in the face, but he showed no emotion at all, nor a flinched. He has always been robotic in a worrying sense. I see serial killer every time we meet....

Later the parcel slipped out of several peoples hands during the game. My mothering in law said its the worm inside. When no one reacted she said it again. What a horrible thought. I was rather rattled by it.

A fun afternoon with some very odd moments. 

Ive also noticed that my sister emotionally unsettles me before crushing me in a card game. Its a double whammy and I dont like it one bit. It makes twice as annoyed when I loose. She is visiting this Christmas day so no doubt there will be much to post about...lol

I Like Chinese

Sorry...https://youtu.be/OIu8Q_qDF8o

Nostalgia

Im bidding on this retro bike light on ebay. Its incredible the amount of childhood emotions that are captured or unearthed again upon seeing retro objects, especially torches again. Those dark winter nights with the wind in the tree tops, and snow on the ground. Of course the lights then were not LED ones as of today. They gave a dim yellow light and ALWAYS needed new batteries. But thats the charm of them. Just a dim yellow light in the blackness, and a childhood spirit that reveled in the fact.

 

Electric

 December 1st - parents tv switches itself on, my tv switches itself on, car windows both wind themselves down over night. Oh, and an electric pole is renewed at road end. Im learning...

Counselling

 Im feeling uneasy tonight. A mild anxiety has returned, and I feel it rising in me. I know exactly why. Its approaching the time I was ill with Covid. Those cold December nights, the long dark nights and that boredom that made time drag. When I go outside to do a few routine jobs as its coming in dark, it just all comes back to me. I knew this would happen. As ive written before I dont like December. I just feel that everything here surrounds me with the memory. A season cannot be avoided and can be a carrier of good or bad memories.

Finally, today I have inquired about an appointment with a councillor. At one point last summer I couldnt face it, then when things improved I thought I didnt need it. As a farmer I am very down to earth about undertaking something without quite knowing whats entailed, or where its leading. Exactly what Im going to say I'm not sure. As for bad stuff that is uncomfortable to talk about, well yes, there is quite a bit of that, but I guess they have heard it all. Im not sure even if the cause is a cause or whether this is all Covid spin off. I think that is why I'm hesitant. The thought it might all be a wild goose chase. One thing is for sure though it will do me good to talk about something, anything.

Its as though my mind gets stuck in a rut, and sometimes a little thing can make me snap out of it. If nothing else it will be a new experience for me. 

23p a bottle

The taste of this cheap water reminds me of something -  how water tasted from the school bathroom taps...urrrgh !

Import / Export

 Having managed to return two Amazon parcels eventually this week this one arrived for me. Immediately the written address looked very familiar, too familiar as it was my own hand writing. It was a parcel I returned in September. Turns out it could not be exported. I didnt know the seller was abroad ? I guess it was one of those misleading listings.

Runners up...

Lian Ross, Modern Talking, Boney M, ABBA, C C Catch, Joy, Michael Jackso...

This is playing a lot in our kitchen at the moment....relaxing.

Dont shoot the messenger

Remember when young women looked like this ? They did once.

 What in the name of hell happened ?

Andrew Tate ‘I Don't Believe in Depression’

Yes, I was considering this subject today. Depression must be caused by life conditions, so why am I still in the same position now, because this has been made possible by pills ? I would say ive had more of an anxiety condition really, but yes, my mind has turned against me. I sometimes consider my mind and think " what on earth are you up to now ? " We are not our mind. Its just an organ, and only when you suffer a mental condition do you really see this. Its disturbing to me. This year has been a shock I never saw coming. My nervous system threw in the towel somewhat. Looking back I find that very sad. We should never reach that stage ?

I think once the mental problem causes physical pain, then only pills are the answer to at least find an even keel as quick as possible. Maybe my trouble had a physiological trigger as in an after effects of Covid ? Maybe it was just life after so many years ? 

Tate's last line rings of a Crowley observation that the thoughts of a man of ill health should be questioned even if they are beautiful or entertaining. If I had just experienced the anxiety without the hearing problem then it would have not been so traumatic, but both together was crippling. I guess each case is different and some peoples problems may just be as simple as Tate says, and the victim mindset may be holding someone back. I think thats his biggest beef here really.

How hard can it be ? Its only a cup of tea

 Today I drank a cup of tea in a cafe I use regular work wise. The tea is always too strong, and has been for years. Today I decided to ask for more milk in my brew which I felt a little apprehensive about as everyone else just drinks it as it is.

Of course more milk makes the tea cold so I then asked if I could add some hot water to my mug and explained why. " Well you did ask for more milk " the lady said. I smiled and commented that was the case. She then gave me a look of stone and said " Well you cant have it both ways " in a manner that could not be mistaken for jest. I admit that last line was stolen from Wuthering Heights....lol

Even a cup of tea is no longer simple. People accept the tea, and even if they wanted more milk they would never ask. Its the British way. Smile and never complain or enquire about how you can get a better service. I expect, or seem to get the idea that Americans expect something called " service " and to a much higher degree than the average British person. No wonder they seem demanding when they visit or are portrayed that way.

People can be very polite and give a good service, but rock the boat a little and some seem to drop off a precipice ( wow I spelt that right ) into a stoney cold sulk.

Back to basics ?

 Im really enjoying doing up the bike ive been given for free. Its something to do on dark winter nights in my shed. It really is satisfying. I then find out I'm not the only one in my family working on old stuff that might normally be considered a waste of time.

One cousin has bought a 70's camper van. Its very primitive with no power steering and a carb fed 2 liter engine from the ark I expect. He is enjoying fitting various thing to it and making improvements. His brother has also bought an out of character purchase, an old turbo Audi. Again he has enjoyed tinkering with it after work. He normally buys flash expensive vehicles though. His wife is also acting out of character as she is sanding and painting a second hand table that she bought for £20 as opposed to £800 new as she normally would do. Now that did amuse me. Almost as much as me on a bike did to her !

Its been a terrible year for them as well, and I think its very therapeutic to tinker with something that you normally would have just laughed at once. Getting out of a rut and relieving stress seems to involve these kinds of activity in our family now. Its a common denominator with those of my age. And maybe thats the key, age. A kind of good mid-life crisis ?

Maybe I'm paranoid ?

 Thats 4 parcels that I'm having trouble returning to Amazon. Ive received 4 return scan codes which the post office say there is " something wrong with ". Now 4 printable labels have been emailed, but they wont print off. This has occurred over 2 different accounts. I think they are making it harder to make returns suddenly ? This would tie in with the economic down turn for sure. It was so easy to complete the returns process once. Now its getting beyond worth trying for small items, and that I think is what they are wanting.

This is whats wrong with the UK !

A structural member supporting the cattle grid rails had displaced, causing failure of some rails and instability of the others. It was apparent that the grid was unsafe for vehicles and we had to immediately close the cattle grid. Recognising the disruption that a full road closure would cause to the local community, we have put traffic management in place to divert traffic through the bypass gate adjacent to the grid. We are working on site today to improve the bypass for this traffic and to provide additional signs. Hopefully this will provide a suitable safe alternative to a full road closure, but we will need to monitor the situation and we may have to reappraise if it becomes apparent that traffic cannot safely negotiate the route through the bypass gate.

The nature of the historic proprietary cattle grid, and of the damage to it, mean that a repair solution and timescale is not immediately identifiable. Once the immediate situation has been managed, we will turn our attention to what needs to happen next, and will update you further.

Highways Assets and Strategy | Highways and Transport

Martin Hurley BEng(Hons) CEng MICE

Senior Bridge Engineer

Here is a post from our local community page. How hard can it be to fix a cattle grid ?  A local person could do it in a day. Great Britain indeed...ffs.

Andrew Tate Reacts to Lil Nas X Calling Him Out 😮.

So thats where the erosion comes from....

My mind is glowing...

 Every night I dream, but now the dreams are more subtle, and I cant remember them at all next morning, but occasionally through out the day I experience things that give me little bursts of emotions that those dreams contained. I feel my mind is healing like a subconscious jigsaw puzzle. What ive dreamed at night is obviously linked to my life. Something is going on deep in the mind. I wonder biologically how mental healing occurs ?

The good, the bad and the ugly

 I woke up after a daytime nap this weekend to a fight or flight emotion, but for the first time 9 months I awoke to fight rather than a flight emotion. Better for me, an annoyance for those around me for the next hour or so.

Tonight Im looking back and coming to terms with just how bad this year was for me back in the spring. At times the isolation, pain and anxiety, wandering around unable to relax was utter hell. I realize now how people come to commit suicide, if they felt a worse version of what I was going through or a prolonged one.

I have dark memories of spring weekends stopping at home on my own. The wandering locally, the bloody construction noise next door ect. My garden was my happy place as they say. The misdiagnosis and medication that was a red herring rattled me as spring turned to summer. 

Ive learnt just how much one can suffer and be in hell in your own home. When the mental and physical become intertwined you really are in trouble. Ive been looking back these last few days and admitting to myself all these things. No one knows how its all felt.

The good points are that this condition has improved dramatically in just 9 months. Its seemed a long while, but medically I guess its not. Ive visited many local sites that ive never been to. Ive had some stunning bike rides this summer that have given me a sense of freedom from this valley, and the people here who just work none stop. I value my time now, and am not embarrassed to cycle by. I just think more fool you...Oh, and I forgot the gardening and barbecuing this summer and cooling off in the paddling pool at midnight with my daughter during a thunderstorm. Its been quite a year !

The days of rebellion have gone. Compliance with the vaxx killed it. It was a test you see. What was your price ? Religion bowed, families crumbled and never quite recovered their bonds. Hospitals refused visits to the dying. If they can do all these things to you they can do anything, and will. And you got ill anyway, Gasping for breath, weak , ill...

Andrew Tate on The Death of The UK

Unfortunately true. This is how my wider family mouth off in our kitchen...lol  People are scared to speak their own thoughts online even, but behind closed doors is another matter. This cannot be healthy. Its interesting how other religions dont sell themselves short though ?

Ive never seen a woman portrayed as being linked to fire, water often of course....

I still cant believe it all happened...

 Last night was our traditional yearly bonfire which involves three generations. As usual the food was great, the fire was raging despite it having rained all day, and the fire works werent too loud for me which was pleasant. Anyway when the time came to light the fire the moon had come out and the sky cleared mainly what. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly until I ended up saving potentially  two peoples lives due to ridiculous circumstances that had me despairing of my family. Yes, two people nearly ended up in that fire if it were not for my quick reactions.

The first was my mother who approached the bonfire from a down hill slope. As it had rained all day the mud was very slippery. She started to loose her balance down the slope slipping and sliding towards the fire. I could see she couldnt stop in the last few meters so I ran and grabbed hold of her. She couldnt understand why I found it such a dangerous situation. She was literally slipping down hill towards an inferno. No one else seemed bothered. No one could see a few seconds head that this was a fatal situation. It really shook me and you will see why from the ferocity of the fire.

The second person who was even nearer to falling in to the fire was my cousins son. He is in his twenties and had been drinking before, and after he arrived. As he was wearing only shoes he skidded in the same manor down hill towards the fire, but recovered his composure at the last minute. That gave me a turn to, but things soon got much worse when he approached the fire later that evening to light a sparkler, or was it a marsh mallow ? I dont know, but he fell over again and luckily he fell backwards uphill, and only his feet went into the ashes and fire. Had he fallen over forwards I shudder to think of the burns he would have received. Again I ran across to help him to his feet and prevent him falling forward. No one else bothered to move a muscle, only laugh ! His feet were literally in the glowing ashes. How this situation did not spur any response from three generations I dont know.

I quickly realized I was going to be only me who was responsible for everyone there. No one else had any sense of danger at all. I take that back because my daughter and her friend were probably the most sensible of anyone there.

was as though the fire wanted to take someone. It seemed doomed to happen. I think next year we will have a zero alcohol policy and a cord around the fire which I hate to do as its just so nerdy, but people arent fit near it. It really has come to that.

Im cringing at my blog background now....

 What a bonfire night. I shall post tomorrow when ive had 24 hours to digest this mess. I need some sleep.

Andrew Tate 'The Gender Pay Gap Doesn't Exist'

No doubt you have heard of this controversial guy who has been hounded off various platforms. His words seem very wise here though, and I can see why he gets so much abuse. People are literally scared to say these things, but when you have money you can say what the hell you want !?

How did they know ?

You're Next Official Trailer #1 (2013) - Horror Movie HD

I watched this superior slasher movie tonight. Seems I enjoyed it years ago, and it still impresses me now. It's aged well. I think the fact that a mature family and their partners make up the characters seems more realistic, and the scenes of family politics just adds to the mix. Even the slashers arent two dimensional. Its good, very good. There are odd off moments that are a bit ott or stereo type, but all in all a mean film. Why the cheesy title though when its not a teen movie ? Its very misleading, but there again some of the best films are those that are not what they are marketed as. 

Time is on my side today ?

So who is grabbing this  "extra " hour were getting today because of the clocks going back ? Is it an extra hour if you put it to use while others dont ? (still in bed ) My laptop says 7.09 when really its 8.09 . I now feel its earlier and are a little more tired than when I started writing this.  Perception. Damn it.

" A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle ? "

 Has the saying " head over heels in love " come from flying " head over heels " from a bike and landing with a painful crash on the floor  ?

 

Just stop for a day, please.

 Im getting very sick of locals working every damn weekend. Its getting me madder and madder. That and black SUV's driven by women with the facial expressions of a slapped ass on them !

It has been another odd day. I decided to cycle  the 4 miles into the city of Lancaster following a  nice cycle path that runs along side the river Lune. Starting off at a pleasant picnic site and scenic valley, the path suddenly has a dramatic change of atmosphere. This heavy atmosphere comes from the city. The city has always felt like this. The area has a history of witch craft for which its famous. This graffiti reflects this. There seems to be some duality going on here in the art, or maybe the artist was just off his head on something ? Ive tonight been told the area is a crime hot spot, drugs, rape ect...and judging by the characters who randomly talked weird stuff to me I as I cycled by I have no doubts about this.

Strange fact - both times ive been on wheels on this path ive ended up going over the handle bars and crashing onto the floor. The first time was when I was fooling around with my daughters scooter ( embarrassing ) and the second today, was when I tried to ride my bike down some earth type steps on the river bank. That was utter stupidity, and I dont know what got into me. As I was on my own and no one else was around, and didnt hurt myself luckily, it wasnt as bad as it might have been.

Oh, and last weekend I had to postpone this ride as I forgot my bike seat...doh !

A pleasant secret

 I started out on a bike ride last weekend, but couldnt settle with it so ended up going on a short walk to a house I discovered this summer on my local explorations. This very old, long ago abandoned farm house was sold recently for the price of £385,000 for which the person could have bought a fully functioning house in this valley. Problems also include no access lane, only a field that is currently not allowed to be crossed by building a road because of draconian planning rules here in the National Park. I guess its been bought by someone very wealthy as a future investment or property wild card. I cant see anyone with short term aspirations here, just deep pockets and the idea of a gamble on the future planning law.

I like the site on which the house was built. Its high up on one side of the valley, and quite far from any road or noise from the village, or traffic, especially construction noise or agricultural noise which when my ears were not good at all greatly irritated me, and I at that time was finding even this rural area uncomfortably noisy. Well that was my great attraction to it at the time. Today I am still over awed with other aspects that border the house.

There is a lovely stream that I find fascinating. It flows between two ash trees that symmetrically grow opposite each other, with the water flowing strangely between them. I can just fit my hand between them. What are the odds of two trees growing that way ? I find this magical and beautiful.

After the stream has exited beneath the two trunks it falls down over some rocks which are so mysterious and ancient, maybe people collected water there at some point, they look purposeful. A small foot bridge just completes the effect.

The final thing which excites me is a rather oddly mundane one, but despite this it really does move me more than anything Ive mentioned so far. It stood out as soon as I peered over a wall. The stream above the trees flows around a slight bend on level ground. Its the bend and width of the stream, and the almost level gradient of it that excites me. Its the pace of the water too. I dont fully understand why, just that it does. Of all ive mentioned so far this seems the most magical to me.

This photo doesnt really capture the bend as I see it with the naked eye. All in all a stunning place I never knew existed , and only about 2 miles away. I really feel a connection to it. I hope the new owner never changes any of these features, though I doubt any improvements to the house other than removing a foot of animal dung from inside it will ever take place for some time. The original stone flags are now visible inside. It must have been a rustic life living here once. 

Hmmmmm.....?

This is the grave of the " Dent vampire " and the square contains in its center a metal stake that is said to pierce the coffin. Im not so sure. I think the square cut out is all that remains of maybe a stone cross thats long ago been lost and the metal " stake " is its original support, maybe...I want a closer look at it without looking like a nut case.

Gorillaz - DARE (Official Video)

The genius of this band has reached me 15 years later....Its becoming a thing. 

Rnbstylerz - Like Wooh Wooh (REVERB+BASS BOOSTED) TikTok Remix

Ive got to say that there is a small percentage of Tick Tock stuff thats really clever or funny and hits the mark, mostly due to very good matching of music to film clips. Here is an extended version of a good example of this thats doing the rounds. I like it. The film out takes are from the Krays gangster film Legend, starring Tom Hardy.

Emily - Official Trailer - Warner Bros. UK

Out soon ! Feeling excited watching this trailer.  The novel may have dark powers connected to it. I can agree with that. It feels strange seeing a place next door on a feature film, and that fake grave yard they so cleverly made makes me smile looking back, as does the water sprinkler they set up for a rain effect. We never received £400 promised for filming from our land ,and removing some fencing wire from a shot. Apparently it was only a verbal contract. Maybe I should protest...lol 

Where is everyone ?

 Ive just heard we are now on amber alert for a shortage of blood supplies. We have a shortage of anything here that is human based. Even supermarkets cant run their cafe's properly because of a lack of workers. There are vacancy signs everywhere. One could be forgiven for thinking a lot of people have " disappeared ". 

According to national statistics this phenomenon has been caused by middle aged people taking permanent sick leave, and younger people are staying in education longer. Also the availability of a " tax credit " system that you can claim after a means test only requires you to work 25 hours a week. If you work anymore than that its deducted from your monthly payment, so people just do those hours.

Ive banged on for years about this country, but it really is about to collapse. We have a clown of a government that has spooked the stock market due to their botched up projections. Still they carry on in arrogance and like the media they talk and talk and talk.

Possibly, potentially and maybe ?

 At the head of a certain valley that connects to Dent dale is an old farm that was once at the pinnacle of prosperity in the early 1900's. During a certain time they boasted to own the first car in the valley. This valley is a weary place ,and is full of  " interesting " characters. It is more untouched by outsiders than where I live. Its a step even more rustic. Maybe " rustic " is too generous a word ? I'd say weary, lifeless and dour.

The head of the family lived well into his nineties and possessed incredible stamina for a man of his age. It was noted that he still worked manually on the farm and was seen one day cutting  concrete with a motorized mechanical stone cutter. They are noisy, vibrating things that are hard on your arms. Not what you would expect a man of his age to even attempt to use. He drove his car up until he died last year, and he spent all day stood up at the livestock sales when he could have sat down. Yes, he had stamina. He was also a Methodist preacher and organist.

He has two sons. One is very anemic and pale. I heard something very strange about him a few years ago. A local came across him in a strange daze. She said his fingers and nails appeared strangely long, pale and bony. I remember her noting the appearance of his hands, which is a strange thing to notice in such a situation. He has often being in ill health over the years. He is very quiet and keeps himself to his self.

There is something about this strange happening and the extreme life energy of his father. Maybe its a just coincidence but I feel that I could be forgiven for letting my imagination run away with me here. Those hands. I feel they are proof that something is amiss. 

Once again the person relaying the meeting of him to me saw nothing unusual about his appearance other than a casual noting about his fingers. Maybe she did register a disturbing thought, but like every one here she said nothing openly. As ive mentioned before we had a case of spontaneous combustion here, and people will not use that word openly, just as they wont talk about spooky happenings where I live beyond a smirk and a quick joke. Welcome to Dent.

Another day another touch stone ?

Life just must have been better with a top hat ?

The Dent Vampire ?

On Sunday I visited another local attraction that ive never bothered to check out, even though its just 2 miles away in the village of Dent. The Dent Heritage center is an impressive gathering of both local historical facts and basically old hardware used in agricultural and domestic life from the 1800's up to the second world war days. I felt a visit here was another one of those " touchstones " I needed to visit in my quest for mental recovery, and to initiate a change in me to face a future that is going to be challenging. 

Before I was ill I felt I couldnt stand this area much longer, but having spent all summer and spring here, and feeling at times unable to leave without feeling a horrible anxiety, I now have more affection for the valley than I did have. I needed to see a bigger picture of where I have lived all my life. After all " familiarity breeds contempt "

The above photo isnt a good one. I didnt take it..lol But its a story about a vampire that is said to be buried just outside St Andrews Church porch. As children we all knew the story about the metal stake, and often looked at the burial stone that paved the grave, but I didnt know the story was " a thing ". I thought it was just someones idea of a laugh, or a wind up as a child. I shall post a picture of the grave soon. I find the image of this man risen from the grave and wandering around in the moonlight profound. This really is a strange place, but most dont even see it, or wont acknowledge it openly.

.

Im enjoying the shorter days and darker evenings, the colder winds and chilly mornings. Summer has been a long season this year, and its been one of the best weather wise, but now we must pack it all up. There is an energy in the air, and despite the coming  winter Im feeling more optimistic, and pro-active. Im about to order a SAD light for the first time now. Ive been putting that off for years, but I figure that if I start early with this then the I will see the effects of it happen quicker. I took this photo quickly from inside so there are reflections in the glass. Its nothing spooky...lol

A sick sign

There is a new monstrosity of a TV screen type sign thats just being built at the entrance to a local service station. I had a verbal outburst tonight when I saw it, especially when this picture appeared. This is not a suitable image for children to see at all, and its distressing for adults to. Its typical of the sick depths charity has sunk to to raise a buck. What have we become ? No one seemed to even notice. Whats wrong with people ?

Another home made sign, but of a different nature. Unusual for this rural area.

Some Kind of Anything

" I dont want to understand anymore "  Sounds nice ?

Old Beavis and Butt-Head - 'Zip Tied To A Tree'

I wonder how much of this goes on, really ?

A crucifix alloy ?

An alloy wheel on the new shape Mini ?!

Musician Ricky Warwick Finds Physical Evidence of Paranormal Activity

Interesting. This caught my eye when I was searching for a song on YouTube. The singer of my favorite band tells a story of how an object found its way back to him. There is something mechanical about this kind of happening. It reminds me of home.

Triggered

 Very strange. My hearing has gone quite overly sensitive tonight, and I know what has triggered this. It sounds silly, but the roofers next door have been particularly noisy today. Its not the loud music they play, but the shouting conversations they have with one another. Their voices are oddly jarring ,and at a certain deep pitch that resonates through me. The shouting sounds as you would use in a moment of anger, or if some sudden dangerous situation was about to happen, but they are only having casual conversations, but my brain doesnt realize this. Their surly accents dont help either, they're are a mixture of what sounds like to me as a Liverpool or Preston accent or something in between. They shout their heads off everyday. I dont know how anyone can be so jovial all day. I know they are in their twenties, but I sometimes think they are " on something ". Maybe its just youth ?

My wife and daughter are visiting our neighbor who used to live next door this weekend. She lives in Preston now. She used to be a psychotherapist. Its a pity she moved just before my problems started. Im in good spirits at the moment and my physical variations of symptoms does not seem to match up with my moods. This is just a blip though, but annoying all the less.

A progression....

A lovely hour

Yesterday I went for a short walk while my car was being serviced at a garage. I came across this river. It was very slow flowing and pond like. In the bottom of this valley the cold north wing blew, and the shadows under the trees were darkening as they do in autumn. I felt as I always do, that tipping point of the changing season, with some relief I must add.

The weather here is beautiful at the moment. When it changes, that will be a shock to the system. Rain just seems so annoying nowadays...

While on my walk along this track an escaped sheep trotted in front of me. It was almost like being at home.

Maybe I'm a dinosaur...lol

https://www.facebook.com/reel/786546299062474

I came across this on YouTube shorts. You may,  or not like it, but I couldnt believe the number of negative comments by men ! Maybe women, yes. But men ? Times are changing and attitudes have changed. Have young men changed or are they just towing the feminist line that has been forced upon them ? I think they are lying, or have succumbed to double speak. 

Maybe I'm a dinosaur ? This is a trivial short. A mans instant reaction should be mmmmm ! Society is in trouble if men are dissing a sexual archetype. They are fighting their base instincts. This will not end well.

Now notice that all women openly express a old fashioned male type of lust for the stereotype male stripper, and thats ok ? They dont engage their brains and consider the social implications or gender stereotypes do they ? Maybe the role have reversed ? No, one sex continues as before while the other seems to be beating itself up ! One has been taught to feel guilty, and the other goes scott free. No wonder men are confused. 

Daffyd Thomas Meets The New Gay | Little Britain | Lucas and Walliams

One of my wife's friends commented the other day that she had counted up the number of openly gay people in the valley and it totaled at least 18. I was staggered. It seems most common among young people. Something is wrong. Maybe its the constant alternative agenda that the media and tv series push ? Of course the schools all promote this with glee. Its promoted from every angle, and now we are reaping the results. Or are people just being more open today ? I think this figure in such a small rural area proves otherwise.

Ive been putting this off, but...

 I think Ive reached the stage where I want to find out what the route cause of my condition is. Recently my sinus pain, tinnitus and hearing sensitivity have worsened slightly, and I want to find out why. I still feel I am missing a part of the jigsaw, and its with this in mind that I am considering seeing a councilor. The question is do I go for a traditional NHS one as suggested by my doctor, or do I visit a more " alternative " one that I know of ? 

I feel I have a esoteric side to my troubles as suggested by objects that move 30 seconds after ive touched them. I cant deny that this is high on my mind in all of this. Or am I the victim of some chemical problem ? If its a mental issue then I need to know. Although ive functioning well  at the moment Im still in some discomfort everyday, and where has this slightly anxious feeling come back from ? Im waking with palpitations again most mornings. Something seems to have triggered this again to some extent, but why ?

I dont really have much to say about the death of our queen, other than it is a sad historic occasion. It will be nice to have a king though, but only because I'm a man. Not much else to say on the matter.

Works for me though...lol !

Todays epiphany !

 I realized today that I am not sure who I am anymore after this past year. Its going to take time to discover this new person. Its that simple. 

Its been an uneasy day. The first days of autumn. I have had an off day head wise with ringing and humming tinnitus, and a weary mood to boot. I noticed this large boulder on a ride out tonight. You can see how sheep have rubbed themselves on it for years. The stone has a blue covering of sheep marker dye.

If you notice this notice...

A very professional example of a home made sign. This type of thing is beginning to annoy me. Its starting to spread. SLOW DOWN...DRIVE CAREFULLY....BEWARE RED SQUIRRELS ON ROAD...I have no beef with the views being pushed, but they are an example of people pushing their agenda on everyone as though they have some sort of official right or hold a position of authority. I can only guess what sort of busy body does this. They are really beginning to annoy me. This area is changing.

More foraging...

Whats in the medicine jar ?

And these lyrics are a little too relevant on examination...

 All I can say is extraordinary. This morning I picked up a packet of pills and casually remarked that if I was organized enough I would follow the days of the week that are printed on the packet, so I would know if I'd missed a day. Any normal person would do this. I then joked that actually the pills were labelled Sunday, and it being Sunday then that was quite amusing.

What happened next was un-nerving. I heard the sound of movement inside the tub of various pill boxes. At first it was just a rustle, then after about maybe 6 rustles came the sound of a box of pills being rattled, as if by the hand of a person. Both my wife and daughter heard the sounds, and I thought it sounded like a mouse in the box as the noises continued for maybe 15 seconds. Of course there was no mouse in the tub.

This is only the second time that a noise has lasted long enough to examine it. Usually its just a single noise or movement that occurs with an object. You are are never quite sure if you have imagined it. I know one thing though, this often occurs after ive just touched an object or put it down. I know someone who says it could be my aura ? Its also nice when other people are present when these things happen. My daughter loves it, but my wife doesn't care a hoot. Both are good outlooks as there is nothing worse than living in denial or trying to sweep it under the carpet. It will just emerge again, maybe to the next generation and they need to be prepared for these things in their house.

My mother still denies anything strange ever happened in this house, though I remember the instances even though they tried to hide them from us as children. My dad is the same. They both just look puzzled when I mention anything nowadays. I dont know why. The cats long out of the bag.

?

 A night of strange dreams.

 I dreamed of my own face as though i was looking at it.

 UPDATE : All was revealed when I met my a cousin who looks like me driving up the valley to meet his inlaws. I have not seen him for 10 years, but he still looks very like me.

Bo Burnham - Bezos I (Lyrics) "Zuckerberg and gates and buffett amateurs...

Just somehow cool...

Endless sexual bombardment ?

 Wow. What a title ! Seriously though, ive just realized this week how bombarded we men are with sexual images, and women in real life who are showing, literally showing off their reproductive tackle on the street. In broad daylight, and some are not yet even women which is even more shocking.

Of course the prime example of this is online, especially YouTube shorts , and if you have it Tick Tock, oh and YouTube videos, all have a " thumb nail " of a frozen picture of a fit woman, if possible giving a provocative image to the photo that is not always honest about whats to come. Sometimes it is though. Its impossible to go online without seeing these images they use to grab mens attention. There is no shame in it. People will do anything to get you clicking - click bait. Its just the way of the world now, but I do feel played sometimes. It gets wearing overtime, this marketing to the sex instinct.

The second " problem " is womens street ware. Leggings worn so tight you can see that which should not be seen. Who goes out knowing everyone can see their vagina ? Most common though are women who show off their  backsides. Its become the norm. Bums wiggling every where you look. Hips, thighs and bums  " exposed ". They might as well not be wearing anything. Again its the norm everyday.

Ive heard the excuse that leggings are " comfortable ". Only a woman could believe that, or fool herself thats the whole story. I would love to ask someone who wears such things, why ? Even the few people I know in real life who have dressed like this I find too embarrassing to ask.

It used to be plain legs and cleavage that women displayed, but now its gone so much further. So where do we go from here ? Whats the next stage ? Can a woman expose herself anymore than what she already is doing today ? I doubt it.

I think this whole lyrca businesses started in sports wear though, and has infiltrated womens egos. What a strange species they are. They talk equality, but then do everything in their power to get mens attention in the most base way. They dont want to be " sexualised " but look at the image they give out ? I think they think its clever to give out the image that they say they dont approve of to put men on uneasy ground. They love it, and claim to be unaware, they must be unaware though surely though ? Im not betting on it.

Hawkwind - Shot down In the Night

One of my favorites. A wall of sound. Reminds me of lockdowns and Whernside fell with all its cameras and watchers of various sorts...lol

So what of the mind in dis-ease ?

 Sometimes the body breaks

 Sometimes the mind breaks

 Sometimes the mind breaks the body...

I have recently suddenly realized how much the mind rules out lives, and perceptions of EVERYTHING !

Colours, atmospheres, judging people...the list is endless. 

Can any of our perceptions be trusted as  " true " ? 

Home sweet home

 I found a chipping on my bed today, and I'm sure Ive just heard one now fall inside a wardrobe. It takes things from home about 4 -5 days to find you when you move away. Ive seen it before. The shower has started leaking and dripping. That happens after a few days too. 

Too close to the bone ?  That saying must have a story behind it...

Taking the...

Yes, I know I live in the sticks, but coming across this set up when stopping at some toilets in the lake district had me bemused. The fact cash was not accepted, even a simple 50p needed to come from a contactless cash card. I remember on a trip to London years ago needing to put 20p into a turn style to access a toilet, and that shocked me then. Such a hi-tech set up seems over kill, and what about if someone scams your card details from it as they can do with bank cash machines ? Its ridiculous.

Raising awareness...

If you can zoom in on this its just readable. Something I saw in a Scottish cafe a few years ago. I was angry at the use of the Loch Ness monster to attract people ( probably children ) to the promotion of a subject not really appropriate for a cafe setting. 

Why are these people obsessed with shoving their sex lives in our faces, when most people dont care and are to busy to care what they get up to ? I expect they bring most trouble upon themselves riling people up who would never have taken the time to examine them normally.

Being a minority was an act or rebellion in my youth so why do they nowadays push to be mainstream ? Insecurity I guess ? 

The king of beggars

Today we walked passed a beggar on our way into a town. Immediately when I saw him sat by the path at the base of some steps I knew he was going to play mind games. I turned to my daughter and said " Watch what happens now " Straight away he made direct eye contact from about 25 meters away as we walked along the narrow pathway towards him. I felt uneasy already. As we got closer he began tapping on his cardboard box rhythmically. It was now impossible to turn back or pretend we had not seen him, as he sat by the steps that we had to climb to reach the shops in the town center. Ratta - tat- tat...ratta- tat- tat he continued. As we finally reached him he said " Hello " as if he expected a donation as he had prepared the ground so well I guess ?

The trap had been set. The long walk towards him. The tapping upping the tension as we got closer, and his position at the base of stairs were all well thought out. No, I didnt give him anything. I was out of breath after climbing the steps afterwards. I felt a mixture of admiration of his cunning, and annoyance of having been the intended victim of his mind game.