The good, the bad and the ugly

 I woke up after a daytime nap this weekend to a fight or flight emotion, but for the first time 9 months I awoke to fight rather than a flight emotion. Better for me, an annoyance for those around me for the next hour or so.

Tonight Im looking back and coming to terms with just how bad this year was for me back in the spring. At times the isolation, pain and anxiety, wandering around unable to relax was utter hell. I realize now how people come to commit suicide, if they felt a worse version of what I was going through or a prolonged one.

I have dark memories of spring weekends stopping at home on my own. The wandering locally, the bloody construction noise next door ect. My garden was my happy place as they say. The misdiagnosis and medication that was a red herring rattled me as spring turned to summer. 

Ive learnt just how much one can suffer and be in hell in your own home. When the mental and physical become intertwined you really are in trouble. Ive been looking back these last few days and admitting to myself all these things. No one knows how its all felt.

The good points are that this condition has improved dramatically in just 9 months. Its seemed a long while, but medically I guess its not. Ive visited many local sites that ive never been to. Ive had some stunning bike rides this summer that have given me a sense of freedom from this valley, and the people here who just work none stop. I value my time now, and am not embarrassed to cycle by. I just think more fool you...Oh, and I forgot the gardening and barbecuing this summer and cooling off in the paddling pool at midnight with my daughter during a thunderstorm. Its been quite a year !

The days of rebellion have gone. Compliance with the vaxx killed it. It was a test you see. What was your price ? Religion bowed, families crumbled and never quite recovered their bonds. Hospitals refused visits to the dying. If they can do all these things to you they can do anything, and will. And you got ill anyway, Gasping for breath, weak , ill...

Andrew Tate on The Death of The UK

Unfortunately true. This is how my wider family mouth off in our kitchen...lol  People are scared to speak their own thoughts online even, but behind closed doors is another matter. This cannot be healthy. Its interesting how other religions dont sell themselves short though ?

Ive never seen a woman portrayed as being linked to fire, water often of course....

I still cant believe it all happened...

 Last night was our traditional yearly bonfire which involves three generations. As usual the food was great, the fire was raging despite it having rained all day, and the fire works werent too loud for me which was pleasant. Anyway when the time came to light the fire the moon had come out and the sky cleared mainly what. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly until I ended up saving potentially  two peoples lives due to ridiculous circumstances that had me despairing of my family. Yes, two people nearly ended up in that fire if it were not for my quick reactions.

The first was my mother who approached the bonfire from a down hill slope. As it had rained all day the mud was very slippery. She started to loose her balance down the slope slipping and sliding towards the fire. I could see she couldnt stop in the last few meters so I ran and grabbed hold of her. She couldnt understand why I found it such a dangerous situation. She was literally slipping down hill towards an inferno. No one else seemed bothered. No one could see a few seconds head that this was a fatal situation. It really shook me and you will see why from the ferocity of the fire.

The second person who was even nearer to falling in to the fire was my cousins son. He is in his twenties and had been drinking before, and after he arrived. As he was wearing only shoes he skidded in the same manor down hill towards the fire, but recovered his composure at the last minute. That gave me a turn to, but things soon got much worse when he approached the fire later that evening to light a sparkler, or was it a marsh mallow ? I dont know, but he fell over again and luckily he fell backwards uphill, and only his feet went into the ashes and fire. Had he fallen over forwards I shudder to think of the burns he would have received. Again I ran across to help him to his feet and prevent him falling forward. No one else bothered to move a muscle, only laugh ! His feet were literally in the glowing ashes. How this situation did not spur any response from three generations I dont know.

I quickly realized I was going to be only me who was responsible for everyone there. No one else had any sense of danger at all. I take that back because my daughter and her friend were probably the most sensible of anyone there.

was as though the fire wanted to take someone. It seemed doomed to happen. I think next year we will have a zero alcohol policy and a cord around the fire which I hate to do as its just so nerdy, but people arent fit near it. It really has come to that.

Im cringing at my blog background now....

 What a bonfire night. I shall post tomorrow when ive had 24 hours to digest this mess. I need some sleep.

Andrew Tate 'The Gender Pay Gap Doesn't Exist'

No doubt you have heard of this controversial guy who has been hounded off various platforms. His words seem very wise here though, and I can see why he gets so much abuse. People are literally scared to say these things, but when you have money you can say what the hell you want !?

How did they know ?

You're Next Official Trailer #1 (2013) - Horror Movie HD

I watched this superior slasher movie tonight. Seems I enjoyed it years ago, and it still impresses me now. It's aged well. I think the fact that a mature family and their partners make up the characters seems more realistic, and the scenes of family politics just adds to the mix. Even the slashers arent two dimensional. Its good, very good. There are odd off moments that are a bit ott or stereo type, but all in all a mean film. Why the cheesy title though when its not a teen movie ? Its very misleading, but there again some of the best films are those that are not what they are marketed as.