Moon / sea / archetype

One of the most bizarre sites I have ever seen occurred last August when I was on my traditional fishing holiday in Scotland . While having a particularly slow day in the fishing department my heart suddenly missed a beat at what was going on a short distance away . On the sidewalk of the sea bridge I was fishing off was a remarkable young Japanese woman . She was in her prime , say mid twenty something . She wore a pale blue short thin dress that blew up in the wind as cars drove by . She leapt and erratically bounced around taking photographs of herself using the Eileen Donnan castle as a back drop . She was unusually for a woman so attractive on her own with a camera set on a tri-pod . Traffic slowed to watch her dream like performance . She was an archetype alright . She was putting on a strange erotic one woman show . This woman was not a tart.
   Now what happened next really excited me in the esoteric sense . It was a high tide , a very high tide and she walked out on a small peninsular of land . Suddenly the sun came out lighting the grassy slither of land she stood on in a  beautiful emerald green shimmer as she continued to jump and leap in the air taking photos of her self mid air . Just picture that scene ! The whole spectacle was a performance .
 Finally she walked back towards me on the bridge , crossing purposefully to my side and heading right for me . I panicked , feeling quite guilty at the amount of time i,d spent watching her . As she passed I through awkwardness  forced eye contact . She gave me a smile and clip cloped away in her high heels .
  Again my perception is everything but that event was more than the sum of its parts . And of course it was a full moon !!! Why am I tonight feeling so uneasy then ?  The feeling of awe at having been lucky enough to have this woman for a short time in my sphere still excites me looking back tonight......

A plan is a plan .

Today I have decided to abandon a sticky situation and come back to it when the leaves have fallen off the tree's , the nights are cold and clear and the stars are crisp and bright and the air is damp with the smell of decaying summer leaves . Its not a bad plan as plans go . It has direction , vision and logic and a mindset . To align ones self with a big unstoppable shift in nature is a good tool im hoping . If nothing else it gives me a break . Subconsciously it gives me a chance to give up ?  Whoops caught myself out again....

Still laughing ?

The first episode of Evies favourite early morning morning tv program  was about the clearing out of a house of possessions no longer needed , the second episode was about foreign pen pals as I wrote my blog....   It raises a serious question though ; when does a series of events become more than a " coincidence " ?

A new look ?

Im thinking of having a clear out of pictures and various paraphernalia I have decorated around the house . I need a new direction . A new look . Strangely ( well not strangely for my world ) I visited a junk shack on the Isle of Skye last year and spied a painting I liked but never got round to buying . I spent the next year thinking about how I should have bought it . Guess what ? This year it was still there hung on the shed wall so now its mine ! The store owner said she sends everything to auction once a year but that got left behind by mistake . Maybe it was a sales pitch but I like to think its true.... I also bought a rather Gothic mountain winter scene with a silhouetted wolf against the black winter forest and light winter sky . This im particularly pleased with . Well one mans junk is anothers treasure .

If your still reading this blog by now i guess you will understand this view point ! I hope......

I have often thought I have seen esoteric instances in the media , or a sequence of messages that seem to be aimed at me ( i can hear a worried murmur out there ) Sometimes this is through very mundane channels . The Daily Telegraph is particularly good at cutting headlines aimed at my perceptions . They are often uncannily poignant to me but of course are totaly subjective .
  Since my daughter was born childrens tv ( toddler ) is a mass of words connected to my mindset . Maybe this is because its an innocent medium and is open in a child like way to these forces . I read a book that suggested those on a mystic path may be contacted through childish images as the elemental forces use these so as to not alarm us . Yes I can go with that . Recently everyday tv contains references to word " magic " many times ( probably in the teens ) each day . Last night a strange wind howled round our house as a song sung by a cartoon character sang " Can you feel the magic , can you feel the magic working tonight ? " This went on for several minutes . During these silly moments you can just feel when a situation is more than others are seeing it . Its what pyschism is all about .
 Of course the context in which you are to take the " message " in is unknown so you may go off on a false tangent ( guilty m'lord ) but hind site will set you right !  Quite how ive ended up writing a mystical blog is amazing me tonight . I know its my path ....... I would have liked to put this in a more sophisticated style but i am pushed for time .

Morgan Le Fey ?

Cant really think of the right thing to say today so I shall say nothing......

A new dawn

Why ?????

Damn it ! I cant sleep tonight . This week the name of the friend in the offline world  I cant get to see has appeared at a Buddhist temple complex and near the St Columba church ruins . Both events manifested incredibly crassly  . One was spoken to me making my stomach turn when the context was revealed , the other was written but in a way that mocked the synchronicity of several instances that have occurred miraculously over the summer . Meanwhile this person is well out of my sphere but in everyone elses ! Why am I being taunted this way with false hope ?  Why , why , why ???    This is the first dark sign ive seen since my journey began . Of course it probably isn't a dark sign and has another meaning that im not educated enough to fathom.....

A necessary / essential cost ?

This afternoon I have through looking back on my last few years  decided that I have something to say that may be helpful regarding the subject of avoiding troublesome social situations . This is because I have lived through this myself . I have at times run . I have at times faced up to resulting in great mental anguish and cost situations I found .... ( i cant think of a word bad enough to explain how scared I felt )  . I know all consuming fear . Whether I was right to allow a situation like this to affect me so much is quite another question . But I do know ( and I know its a cliche ) that running or avoiding a situation gives it more power over you . I always found avoiding something didn't help me as i still felt it still lurked behind my back .
  I guess it all comes down to the cost . I myself found I started to avoid certain social situations and then I found what I lost out on grew and grew .... I missed out on enjoyable family gatherings . But this was a price I found worth paying to keep my head intact and the awful anxiety at bay . Very sad but true . So I know that running is sometimes necessary to survive but looking at me today I regret it . I also respect at times it is the only option but where does it lead too if you go down this path for years ( and suddenly it does become years )  I should know as im still kind of on that path . In fact today im wondering if i can run away completely . This post is all part of my attempt to find closure . I have tears in my eyes now but it must be said . This has been a while coming.....Regret is a terrible thing . The things I missed out on . I wouldnt want anyone else to go through that .