The strangest thing I've EVER posted here ?

 Can one fall in love with a car ? Here is another post that some people may think is a piss take as they say, but there is more to this than meets the eye. So tomorrow I am test driving the BMW again ( yes, I know I slagged it off ) After I returned the car the first time I experienced a strange emotion a few days later. I got a definite emotion of being in love. I was embarrassed to even admit this to myself as I kind of thought the car could be the reason for this somehow. So absurd was this to think that I certainly told no one else !

Anyway a week later and I phone my Uncle for a catch up as I havent seen him for nearly a year due to Covid. Now he is a BMW obsessive and on hearing I had test drove one proceeded to give me about 20 minutes of advice over the phone, and among this diatribe was the fact that both BMW and Mercedes have been known in the past to engineer their cars to sound like a woman making love. Things such as the engine tone and induction noise... In fact he said they purposely try and subconsciously influence people into triggering the falling in love effect as a sales ploy. Now I would normally have laughed at such an idea, but I must say I am now more than convinced this is true !

Stranger still though was what happened on the phone when I ordered the car. A receptionist called me Richard just before she thanked me and said goodbye. My Uncles name is Richard. What are the odds of that ? Oh, and the women manning the phones have the most sexy voices Ive heard and the mind races...Maybe this whole car buying carry on is getting to me a little to much ? But is there any wonder if the illogical emotions of love are anything to go by ? How have I come to this ?!

Am I Being Haunted By A Cat ?

 Sounds ridiculas, but two incidents have happened this week that seem to be linked to an earlier one. Often as I am laid in bed I feel something touch or rather brush against my leg in very gentle movement. It feels very much like static. This has been going on for months and I remember my mother telling me she had experienced the same thing years ago when she lived in this house. She now utterly denies that this ever happened to her oddly.

It was only this week though that two incidents pointed towards the cat suggestion and both occurred around 4am. Firstly as I walked past my daughters bedroom door I heard several rustling noises and on entering found her large cat poster had fallen off the wall. In all I heard 4 noises between getting out of bed and opening her door. It sounded like something was moving the poster around more than a simple slip off the wall. It sounded deliberate which caused me to get up to investigate.

Things got odd again when going down stairs to the kitchen at 4am a few nights later. I saw a birthday card of my daughters just drop from a shelf. When I picked it up it had a photo of a cat on the front. It wasnt until next morning that I made any connection though.

Im not sure how serious I am about the above title but there does seem to be a connection. Another angle I have is that it is not a cat but the word cat is being used to draw my attention to the name Catherine  as in Wuthering Heights ? I wrote at Christmas about how that name magically appeared in the middle of a zoom carol service lyric subtitles. It seems also that an adaptation of the novel maybe due to be filmed nearby soon so I hear. So pick your angle at will i guess. As ever its all a mystery here...

The Unexpected

 

A full circle reveals the truth ?

 So why did I refer to a new car I had on loan for a week as " that horse "  ?

A Freudian slip that became Jungian when a golf player called David Horesy appeared on the TV news that night. Also today ive decided the next car im testing driving is a Golf GTI...lol

 My life is turning into everything I dont want and anything that made me happy has been taken away. 

Angry is not the word. Existential boredom and rage are building. I explode daily.

Anxiety

 Sam feels anxiety

 He is anxious about that which should not be

 He is not anxious about what he should be

This also makes him also feel anxious that he feels no anxiety about what he should

He is anxious others may see he is anxious about what he should not be

Others are anxious he is not anxious about what he should be

If he stops being anxious about what he shouldnt be and be more anxious about what he should, then he will have even more reason to be anxious

If he starts being more anxious about what he should be then others will be less anxious about him not being anxious about what he should be

All thats died down now...

 

December Descent - A Summary ?

Kirkby Lonsdale Church

A strange tree I found at Ruskins View

 I went for a walk today to a local beauty spot. It was a bitterly cold but dry day. I swear the weather has improved since Covid slashed the number of planes flying over head. We have longer settled spells of weather it seems... It doesnt take a leap of imagination to predict I would start another label charting the rise of my expectations and spirits again. Its a cycle. A yearly cycle that is measured in fine increments of a day at a time often.

 So what did I learn through December Descent ?  I learnt the dark descent is out of my control and is a very physical affair driven by physical events that are beyond my control... and NOT a mental one that I can snap out of ! I cannot prevent that dark cloud that passes over this place at Christmas. Basically all I can do is sit tight until it passes over.

I have a theory as to why this is happening though and as to why an atmosphere so contrary to the general Christmas spirit takes me over. Are you sat down ? Basically I know for a fact that there did here reside a man called Richard Sutton who was in his childhood raised as a slave even though he was white. I often wonder how he felt as a child living amongst the manor house slaves and how he must have felt viewing others in privilege from his dire circumstances. Maybe Christmas was a very disturbing time for him and maybe those very negative energies take charge here in December ? 

So what became of Richard Sutton ? Why he only returned to this valley as an adult and bought his masters manor house and much land and farms in the valley. Of course he is often considered to be the inspiration behind the character of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. And like Heathcliff he was very bitter man on all accounts and not a man to be messed with. Maybe his spirit lives on here ? Maybe this is why so many things go wrong here at Christmas. A host of miserable slaves suffering would not leave many happy energies behind here either. We then get into the territory of curses...oh, and that reminds me my family was one of 4 in the 17th century who were " cursed " for fighting in a church yard. Im doomed..

New Years Day Remix Instrumental

  

I post this every year and every year I swear I see new images here. This strange film captures how life feels now ive turned 50. That sounds awful but a kind of despair has set in and a resigned fact that the best may be over. Life is fragile and mysterious but also more obvious somehow.