December Descent - A Summary ?

Kirkby Lonsdale Church

A strange tree I found at Ruskins View

 I went for a walk today to a local beauty spot. It was a bitterly cold but dry day. I swear the weather has improved since Covid slashed the number of planes flying over head. We have longer settled spells of weather it seems... It doesnt take a leap of imagination to predict I would start another label charting the rise of my expectations and spirits again. Its a cycle. A yearly cycle that is measured in fine increments of a day at a time often.

 So what did I learn through December Descent ?  I learnt the dark descent is out of my control and is a very physical affair driven by physical events that are beyond my control... and NOT a mental one that I can snap out of ! I cannot prevent that dark cloud that passes over this place at Christmas. Basically all I can do is sit tight until it passes over.

I have a theory as to why this is happening though and as to why an atmosphere so contrary to the general Christmas spirit takes me over. Are you sat down ? Basically I know for a fact that there did here reside a man called Richard Sutton who was in his childhood raised as a slave even though he was white. I often wonder how he felt as a child living amongst the manor house slaves and how he must have felt viewing others in privilege from his dire circumstances. Maybe Christmas was a very disturbing time for him and maybe those very negative energies take charge here in December ? 

So what became of Richard Sutton ? Why he only returned to this valley as an adult and bought his masters manor house and much land and farms in the valley. Of course he is often considered to be the inspiration behind the character of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. And like Heathcliff he was very bitter man on all accounts and not a man to be messed with. Maybe his spirit lives on here ? Maybe this is why so many things go wrong here at Christmas. A host of miserable slaves suffering would not leave many happy energies behind here either. We then get into the territory of curses...oh, and that reminds me my family was one of 4 in the 17th century who were " cursed " for fighting in a church yard. Im doomed..

The end ?

 I actually felt relaxed today. Thats the first time this Christmas. Its been awful, but I think or hope my downward spiral has bottomed out today. Its been very useful posting about this December descent and when viewed as whole my posts show a slow build to a dark influence. My random post of the dam collapse I found on You tube predicted the awful water trouble ive had for instance. Im hoping this full moon brings this horrible circuit of negative energy to a close. 

Mean while on Face Book I came across a meme about how the sun stops still for I think it was the 3 days before Christmas but on Christmas day it starts to move again as it is " reborn " This overlaps with the worst of my luck and moods for December. Ive always felt a marked improvement in my outlook on Boxing Day. 

Moods can be worked on but luck cannot. I dont want to go through this again next year. Now to try and have some fun before this festive season in over !

Gary Numan Hybrid Album

Taken from the best Numan album I think. Or rather ive stopped looking much further after finding this double album of his remixed songs. My CD is worn out now after 2 years . Apparently remixed by the best of the best Goth bands and boy does it sound good, not that im into Goth really... There are some very dark lyrics and images on a lot of the tracks. Definitely a winter album.

Kaboom !

 I dont know how to explain this without sounding utterly mad but twice this week ive experienced a loud bang not in my ears but in my thoughts !

 The first instance saw the noise ( is it technically a noise if only I heard it ) manifest as I was daydreaming half asleep and the second as I awoke. Ive never experienced anything like this before. What else can I say ?Sound in our thoughts is nothing new but an unexpected sudden violent noise that intrudes on our thoughts is something totally new to me. Its deeply unsettling as this is no subtle thing. This must be profound. Something is happening...

Self sabotage

  As the days shorten I begin to get a growing urge to buy hand tools. There is a deep pleasure and satisfaction to this. I guess this goes hand in hand with my fixing bug that also grows with December and the fading light. I am on a sliding scale here and it will end in tears by Christmas. The compulsion to tinker gets over whelming and my judgement worsens. Team this up with the entropy that grows daily until New Year and I will do something I regret.

Stop me if im wrong ?!

 If a wise man today disregards what he believed once to be a truth years ago... and if I today am undecided on the merits of said subject...does this make ME ahead of him on the curve ? If i am undecided I am not falling foul of any falsehood. The future is not set in concrete...

A Window Opens

Well i wasnt expecting to post this today. Suddenly at dusk the temperature rose and the humidity. Clouds took on a billowing dark grey appearance as they do in March. It feels as though a portal has opened to that strange time that proceeds Spring. A great energy ?

 

Time Is Getting On ?

Are we what weve become or where we have come from in the end ?

 

Hollow Moon

Hollow moon illuminates the naked sky. On nights like these there is a terrible atmosphere of timeless sorrow and loss. It is absolute and existential. True beauty that will never die.

 

December Descent

 

Its a beautiful moon light night and there is a chill in the air...almost a romance between the black nights and the icy cold. An emotion of hysterical optimism   inhabits the dusk hour and soon a sweet moment the first few moments of the dawn.