Sometimes I think the switched off people or the simple minded people are the happiest . Do I aspire to that mindset ? No , but I cannot deny to myself they have something I have not , or did I loose it ? . A daily peace of mind . That's what I miss . Of course they dont see what I see in life either . The problem is there can be no compromise . Yes , compromise is the key here .
I feel exhausted after the last few years . Even certain everyday acts can turn my stomach . The days feel odd . I feel a bleak but fascinating distant landscape before me . As time has rolled on Ive paid attention to strange parts of life and meanwhile my everyday world was changing irreversibly . Ive quickly got caught out . Either way life is a shock today . A shock because some old things have gone , a shock because of whats here , but I never saw coming . Its being a very quick hand over and my head is spinning still , hence my admiration for the ordinary or shallow . Its just what I need at the moment strangely . It wont last long though .
I saw a film recently that said ' man shall further himself the most by not attempting to further himself at all ' Maybe this is true ?
To walk away after a Peak Experience of several years was strange . Today I feel damaged , really . How did I think I could just walk away unscathed ? After all where Ive been to was toxic . Sounds corny but its the best way to describe how the after affects affect me . Oh and becoming a father in the middle of all this as well . I doubt many people will have experienced that combination , The Unseen and Fatherhood in tandem , plus Sea Priestess type scenario . No wonder Im shattered and edgy , but its being my path so I shall live with the after effects.... I always told myself I would take responsibility for what ever the cost was of this path . Ive been very lucky still though .
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