Reality is dead

Today I caught myself bellowing with laughter at the news on T.V , there is no reality anymore . It hit me quite gently that each subject has so many contradictions and information and mis-information and views from people with agendas on either side who are all good and accomplished liers , that what ever is represented as worthy of my attention by my T.V can not be deemed judgable as this total analysis leads to no absolute truth , nor even  anything close . It was not always like this .
    The very act of claim and counter claim muddies the water and believe me 24hour news channels wallow in this murkiness often creating their own little minute by hour reality's that evaporate in an instant as facts change .
   This week several reporters made quite childish analogies regarding politics complete with babyish actions and sounds you would expect in a play ground .Strange indeed . I couldn't believe my eyes . This is cutting edge . This is something new evolving right now . Keep an eye out for it on your news . Where it goes is any ones guess ...v

Tipping Point

I found myself reading a rough diary Ive kept these last few years and ive tried to pinpoint the exact time that the tide turned for the final time . It was fast , sudden and total . It gave no warning . Im more tired than I think .Ive no energy at all today . Im physically drained but mentally happier , maybe my body is playing catch up . Reading all the events makes me realise I have a wealth of material and maybe one day a book may appear to be released shortly before I expire . That's the catch though...

The Omen

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&ved=0CD4QFjAD&url=http%3A%2F%2Fconspiromedia.wordpress.com%2Ftag%2Fcurse-of-the-omen%2F&ei=tIXqUpyLG6O90QWS3oCoDg&usg=AFQjCNGY5cVdCVlYT_epsjZUmIO05Rj8ig&sig2=KSoKet7CenKJOpe407UlRA   

Im probably the only one who finds this interesting .

A while ago I wrote about Mr Ive got two Mercedes and both have triple six number plates !  Well over the Christmas period I noticed one of the cars lost its 666 plate and had been returned to a standard plate ( Well it was I suggested a bit of an overkill having two )  I mean why would you ? A bit crass by any standards . Well today as I drove past the missing triple 6 plate has made a return , so he now has two 666 plates again . Where did the plate go ? Did he sell and then re buy it again ? Was it taken off over Christmas ....to avoid embarrassing family ? Who knows , its once again a mystery . I guess he must have method in his madness .

This song once again ...

The Last Temptation of Christ

For years ive wanted to watch The Last Temptation of Christ . I remember .well the uproar this film caused at the time , mainly due to the fact that it supposedly suggested that Jesus was not risen from the dead but did a runner with Mary Magdelane  and raised a family that was eventually his " heaven on earth  " . Quite shocking ? Well yes this was suggested , but only as a " dream " sequence as Jesus was on the cross . In his dream Jesus is a mortal man who inspired a legend we now base Christianity on . He trys to debase this legend as its a lie , but his angry disciples rebuke him as the false story is bringing people to God through a belief in Jesus and the miracle of his  " resurrection " . Is a false idea justifiable if it brings people to new outlooks or realms ?  Does the end justify the means if the end is life changing ?
  Finally this dream sequence fades as Jesus regrets his fantasised release from death on the cross and he is returned on to it , and the rest as they say is history . This scene I think is a dream , though I also could not argue against it being a suggestion of the truth even if it is quickly sold out and the ending the Bible tells us , the one we were brought up on is finally suggested as the truth . In that respect it pleases no one . A bit of a fudge ? But I guess thats the point . We make up our own minds  .
  It is a good film and I recommend it . The stages of  Jesus's life are quite well done while sticking to the facts . One thing that did annoy me was the whole film had a look of a traditional Bible type film . You know that certain cartoonish look or stereotyped desert look . A more contemporary look and a  more gritty look would have helped . On this point whoever cast Harvey Keitel as a crimped , red haired Judas wants shooting . His character was spot on with his demanding voice , but that red hair style looked just ridiculous and straight out of a child's Bible story book . Why was this done ? Martin Scorsese must have realised this surely . Its seems deliberate to me . Apart from that , a film I suggest you watch . As with many controversial films , until you watch them you CANNOT  comment on them !  

One final thought :  I was reminded of the fact that Old Testament Jews were very keen on stoning to death unclean  women . Something today we forget and tend to relate only to  Islam . Of course I realise Jews long ago gave up this practice ( unlike some Islamic peoples today ) . Did Jews get the idea from Islam or vice versa ?

"  There is only one woman in the world , and she has many faces... "    The Last Temptation of Christ

From down here it looks like a steep incline , from up here another down hill slope of mine

January . I'm re-gaining some enthusiasm for work and starting to think quite forwardly now . When I awake in the morning I find myself looking out of the bedroom window not feeling negative or as tired as I was . My judgement is improving and I have removed several things I put on fb in a daft mood . My mind is sharper than it was but looking back to my posts before Christmas I see Ive lost a certain edge and darkness in the way I write . This alarms me as I can clearly see I was in touch with something then that I am not now . Something dark brings out another side of me at that time of year . A more colourful or charismatic me ? Maybe I'm just mellowing after all is now finished in a past chapter Ive lived . Maybe its the changing light . As Ive said before I know their are two sides to me , but don't worry though , If I didn't realise this then It would be altogether more worrying !

"  I see too much , I feel too much..."

A new one

This morning on the news I hear that Canada is thinking of banning some British " foods" ( I use that term cautiously ) such as Marmite because the additives used in it are against their laws . This is the pinnacle of a sychronicity that has gone mad this week ( no , not Marmite lol )  . People in real life keep mentioning Canada to me as an example of the ideas they are expressing . This happened three times this week , and then I watched the film Fair Game . Well I throw in the towel....

Fire

Ive recently found a rather good remedy for when I'm feeling under the weather or stressed or just feeling flattened by events . I find that burning a candle in a red glass holder improves my mood quickly and restores my mental strength . This is a very effective and I find I can achieve a good result in less than 24 hours use , so yes , it works fast . Its  simplicity its self no less .
   So why does this work ? Well I guess the red represents fire , force , war ect as in Mars . This quickly fires up a more robust mood . If I continue for several days though I end up quite aggressive , so a brief spell is advised . If I continue after that then the effects become non existent and I return to my negative depressed  state . I guess the secret is a short sharp dose . Any way I find this works exceptionally well for me . Maybe its just the way I'm wired up , maybe I'm just highly suggestible ? What me ? Strangely burning my red Yankee style candle in a clear glass jar has no effects . Why ???

A moment captured

I had an odd night last night . I watched a rather dark black comedy called In Bruges . It was about two hit men awaiting further instructions for their " mission "  The plot was based around their mishaps and misadventures that they got into while " killing time " (no pun intended ) awaiting a phone call from their psychotic boss . It was a very quirky film the likes of which I haven't seen before . It really suited the mood I was In .
   It also suited the view from my living room window of a yellow dirty looking moon as the clouds passed over . It too had a dark character and the clouds appeared grubby as they passed over it to . It was a low , close affair . I wouldn't have called it quirky , however it was very purposeful in a grimy otherworldly way . It was what it was .
   Today is a bright Winters day and the birds are singing as they do in Spring . These days seem to mimic Spring , but dont be fooled as Winter has many surprises yet to come . Our weather is notoriously unpredictable . There is an all to sweet energy in the air today that ive felt before and strangely a sweet smell has been around me all day ( I have no idea why but its very noticeable ) This can unbalancing time of year with all that energy whizzing around  so pace yourself whatever your up to ! People get ideas for the coming new year ahead now and ive watched this many times . People start buying new cars or moving houses ect . Its an energy which will be over by June I find . It is unstoppable . I too am caught up in this mood . Im no different .

The Golden Twigs

Ive been quite lucky this last six months . Ive learnt a lot about why I am the way I am . This has come in fits and starts of information , and often at unexpected times and from unexpected books . I have been searching for what exactly makes me different . Ive always sensed it right back in Primary School . The teachers couldn't work out why I " over reacted " to things they thought were trivial . I remember their frustration though . This is just coming back to me tonight.
   One of the most stunning observations was a biological one that Dion Fortune  mentioned briefly in a book I cant recall the name of . It was about how certain chemicals were produced in the body that controlled mood and the whole view or perception of ones life . She gave an example of a deviation that might produce a person of a certain leaning . I was shocked to see myself in her example quite clearly , not subjectively , but in a hard cold medical light . Most amazing . I would also tell her if she were alive today that yes , I am a product of such an anomaly and her theory is correct . A quite moving and personal one that too .
   As well as biological anomalies Ive found some geographical reasons  for my mindset very clearly explained in collection of fictional stories by Aleister Crowley , starring his creation Simon Iff  . There was a paragraph in a story called Psychic  Compensation that basically explained how quite country style living allowed the mind much time to wander , and wander to new horizons it does . Its hard to explain but you just drift to some places . This is compensation for the stimulation that most acquire in an urban environment . Again this was very personal and acute and unexpected .
  As if that wasn't enough I have had quite a few Psychological revelations thrown at me by reading some of J.C Jung's ideas on archetypes  and projections . I owe this to my bog connections and this is something I shall never forget as its really given me a sense of validity to what Ive been through from quite a main stream source ie ; Non occult LOL !  Again these theories are accurate and can be cross referenced to the likes of the unusual authors ive already mentioned . This amuses me as there is nothing like facts that line up from odd sources . Of course this illuminating path was found by a seemingly random click on a blog profile . Again something that's led , and is leading to new discoveries yet to come no doubt .
   You can see the way that the information I needed has got to me regarding my strange make up . If something is needed it finds its way into your sphere somehow . It maybe in a book you read or a friend lends you , it maybe a random meeting on-line . Someone once told me that we find out the things we need to know when we can handle them . True.
  So here I am a father , sat in on a Saturday night looking at the wintry stars and wondering just how Ive got here ! I tell a lie , its clouded over but there is a magical type dry , cold energised wind gusting around the street as if from a distant time . Some winter nights are like that in Dent...
 

A pleasant end to a good book

I have just finished reading a collection of short stories called  The Golden Twigs  . I guess you could call them fables of a dark kind . The final story was called The God of Ibreez . This turned out to be a particularly good story  . I came across a quote I thought held a lot of wisdom . The underlined part is very good advice that I shall remember .

" Do you know how I recognise a great man ? He is like a baby . He cries for the moon ; he is single-hearted and simple ; he has that true inner wisdom which life teaches small men to forget ; he builds on trust , because he knows if he allows himself to be suspicious he will have no time for anything else.... "

Mine own worst enemy

I am going through a crazy stage when how I perceive written words and the general meaning behind them changes day to day . I can read something one day and think negative , the next day positive . This is not nice as I loose the happiness in things . This has happened before . I think until I destroy or erode that which I value . I hate this routine , it reminds me of the past . Reality blurs . This makes me angry !

Liars !

A few years ago I saw two people sat in a car talking .  These two people  were both known to be compulsive liars .  It was well known . They both hated each other , that was very well known as well  . So why were they both laughing and talking quite joyfully ? Later that day I mentioned separately to each one my surprise at seeing them together chatting . They each slagged the other one off for talking utter crap . They both felt the other one was a complete waste of  time ...
   I sometimes wonder if their might be some dark symmetry between such unpleasant people ? Each one getting off on lie to the other , almost creating a frenzy ? This leads me on to consider if  liars can can inspire others in a positive way , or spur them on to some advancement ? They probably find each other a challenge.
   In several books ive read its been suggested that someone caught telling a lie may not lie about everything and its a dangerous trap to fall into writing everything off as false that they say from then onwards . Its a dark idea thats whizzing round in  my head brought on by considering how more positive character types may influence each other . This is a further dark advancement of the Archetypes subject I guess .
 

 " The bear went over the mountain 
   The bear went over the mountain 
  The bear went over the mountain , to see what he could see....

  What did he see ?
  He saw the other side of the mountain 
  He saw the other side of the mountain... 
  Thats what he could see.... "  


Sometimes a childs song can capture something perfectly...

Why am I surprised at this ?

This morning once again my radio gave me a shock as this time I heard the line " I keep a close watch on this heart of mine " At first I thought it must be my imagination as I had just changed my blog motto to the very same line !   ( having been caught out by various people recently , some male , some female  I feel it is good advice ! )
  So how on earth did this line manifest ? Well strangely a relation of the late performer Johnny Cash had found an album of his that was recorded in the eighties and unreleased because country music was then out of fashion at the time . The album was found in a safety deposit box .
  A brief sample of this " new " music was played , plus about three other lines from of his past hits .It was that brief . This was not on a music station either . It was on Radio 4 ! So to hear " my " line as a chosen one shocked me . Of course I didn't get the line from Johnny Cash originally though . I chose it a couple of days ago for my blog ( from a heavy metal album ) , but once again its a hell of a coincidence is  just turned up this way as I happened to be listening . This is getting strange...  Of course the more this happens , the more it cannnot be written off as trivial .

Snap !

" It amused Jerry Cornelious to match his music to his cars...."   

 It amuses me to match my profile picture to my view of the moon...

A minor revelation ?

Here's a funny moment that gave me a shock and a smile about a month ago . All last summer and probably last spring I was exposed to some cheesey  background music, or musack if you want to call it by its correct name . Round and round went this catchy dance song on my T.V . This happened most days .
    Now a strange thing happened about a month ago , I suddenly started to hear the lyrics . At first this was just one line that made me raise my eyebrows . As I continued to listen , several verses told a story very similar to something I had experienced over the summer . It was a little warning no less , and it gave me a wry smile as I felt it was aimed at me . Yes , that sounds silly, but as ive written before  you just get that feeling when something is more than it  first appears to be , or seems a little to focused on your own circumstances or mood .
   So why did it take me so long to actually hear these lyrics ?  Well when my ears finally opened I was in a very demoralised and low mood as an unfortunate sequence of events had obliterated several people from my sphere . Some permanently , some temporally . What baffles me though  is for how long subconsciously had my mind heard those lyrics , if at all ? Had I blocked them out until now ? We obviously filter out what we perceive around us and focus on what is important at the time . Do we  go back and re-asses what to re -examine of what we hear and see and dredge it up again when circumstances change ? Again I don't have any clear answers on this , but oviously something had changed 

There must be a full moon coming !

Ive been writing this blog for quite a while and quite simply ive waited several years for anyone like minded to pass through here . I always knew someone would turn up one day though  . That 1% type I used to wax lyrical about , that fraction of life that makes the everyday not so everyday .

The Moment of Revelation - They Live 2013

And here we go...

I  also have yet to find anything that is real... 

The story so far...

I have yet to find anything in life that is unreal....

Just one example...

As I woke up this morning I heard a presenter saying on the radio  " There is no reason in reasoning when the world is blown apart "    Quite incredible . Ive noticed I often wake just in time to hear phrases or sentences about subjects that are so relevant to me  that Its alarming . Sometimes this may happen in the early hours . I then think about the odds of me waking at that precise right time . Of course my brain is probably subconsciously listening in my sleep , but this does not explain away such synchronicitys lightly . There are many more examples of things like this happening to me but to print them is pointless as asking others to believe is a tall order , however true they are .
   Its a conundrum . When so many strange moments happen to you , just where do you draw the line in making them public . The more amazing they are , the more they sound untrue . I can never win , but not long ago I wouldnt have even asked this question .

The edge of reason ?

Ive worked it out , the big one . Whats wrong , why aren't we settled ? It is so simple . The times that were to us all we could perceive are gone . It wasn't our fault . It was as natural as the changing seasons . A cosmic shift took place , a cataclysm . Some of sweetness , some of sorrow with little to differentiate or separate the two , hence the confusion . If you know you've lost it then those times were real .
    Life can be put into chapters . Someone once said to me " Ive reached the stage where life has stopped giving and will start taking "   I dont think im quite at that stage but maybe these times are the very first stages of loss . A new generation is coming along that has grown in our life time . They acquire , we relinquish  . We should start preparing ourselves for this because life doesn't give any forewarning as to the changing of the guard , believe me .... This is not now , but not so long away . To handle this with grace is the key . Some have grace in spades , I do not ! Though I am learning .
   

Quote of the week

Friend to my daughter :  Are you doing the hocus pocus , sorry I mean the hockey cokey ? 

An honest enough mistake to make !

Number 9

Im quite proud of this blog . Obviously there are some posts that are " fillers " as I cant make everyone of them about my direct experiences . Some of them  are just short descriptions of a moment that moved me . I can assure you though that they are 100% reliable in their ability to truly describe how Ive felt these last few years .
   I sometimes worry what people think of what ive written , especially people I know in real life , family or relations . I live where I grew up . I am not anonymous . The intensity of what ive been through made me disregard all thought of my own reputation . I feel people respect my views though . No one has called me a   nut case , at least not to my face !
   So where is this blog heading today as situations have changed ? Well I think a broadening of subjects will occur . Maybe I will report any examples I find that back up what ive been through . This will probably be from books though . I feel some others have been through similar experiences as me if I read between the lines but telling your story is a very personal thing ( it took me long enough ) and I shall wait in hope !
   It means a lot to me just knowing someone does understand what ive experienced . This is unique and important . This blog has kept me sane ( you may disagree? ) over the years . Blogs do that . They are worth their weight in gold . See what I did there ? lol  Seriously though If someone comes across this blog in the future its a record of change at the highest level .  Number 9

Who knows what im getting at here .

Yesterday I actually had an experience that excited me . A friend turned up to see me in his new performance car . A supercharged black mini . Now im talking about the new shape mini , the bigger not so mini anymore type . Anyway were talking about a race car for the road really . Cue 200 bhp supercharged engine , short gear change and heavy clutch and leather Recaro bucket seats and a killer front differential that pulled you round the corners with incredible grip . Not any easy car to drive as its new owner admitted , but when I drove it I took to it like a duck to water as they say . This was a demanding car that needed taking by the scruff of its neck and boy did I enjoy doing that . A crude , fast car , an intense car !
   So why am I posting this on here then ? Well the way it made me feel was what im after at the moment . Not really a peak experience but a mood captured briefly in a piece of machinery . Er , yes if that makes sense ?

1997 | PF Project feat. Ewan McGregor: Choose Life

 

Yes , now is the stage of life which must offer something concrete . This gem of a track from back in the day captures the philosophy of the ordinary . For some it works . Whatever you find , if it works then I guess thats all that matters . Well , its got to be permanent or all is again lost...

Its only friends and bloggers who know the whole story , the rest of them read what they want between the lengthy lines....

Sometimes I think the switched off people or the simple minded people are the happiest . Do I aspire to that mindset ?  No , but I cannot deny to myself they have something I have not , or did I loose it ? . A daily peace of mind . That's what I miss . Of course they dont see what I see in life either . The problem is there can be no compromise . Yes , compromise is the key here .
   I feel exhausted after the last few years . Even certain everyday acts can turn my stomach . The days feel odd . I feel a bleak but fascinating distant landscape before me . As time has rolled on Ive paid attention to strange parts of life and meanwhile my everyday world was changing irreversibly . Ive quickly got caught out . Either way life is a shock today . A shock because some old things have gone , a shock because of whats here , but I never saw coming . Its being a very quick hand over and my head is spinning still , hence my admiration for the ordinary or  shallow  . Its just what I need at the moment strangely . It wont last long though .
    I saw a film recently that said  ' man shall further himself the most by not attempting to further himself at all '    Maybe this is true ?
    To walk away after a Peak Experience of several years was strange . Today I feel damaged , really . How did I think I could just walk away unscathed ? After all where Ive been to was toxic . Sounds corny but its the best way to describe how the after affects affect me . Oh and becoming a father in the middle of all this as well . I doubt many people will have experienced that combination , The Unseen and Fatherhood in tandem , plus Sea Priestess type scenario . No wonder Im shattered and edgy , but its being my path so I shall live with the after effects.... I always told myself I would take responsibility for what ever the cost was of this path . Ive been very lucky still though .

Predictive text ?

I have a yearly ritual , ordering my Old Moore's Almanack  . Its a magazine for Astrology predictions for the months of the whole year ahead . No , I don't take Astrology too seriously . I certainly don't study it . In fact the more general the predictions , the more happy I am .... Also the more true they turn out to be . Funny how that works eh ? But , and its a big but , I do respect the ability of life's flow to group " THINGS THAT LIKE TO OCCUR ALONG SIDE OTHER THINGS " together  . This to me vindicates even glancing at the subject briefly . I also find looking ahead through the coming months forecasts a strange kind of focus as to the very general mood ahead of 2014 , very general that is . Strangely ive found the first 4 months to be devastatingly accurate , but from then on its all a bit hit and miss . The real trouble with this subject is how are we to know what to project onto the forecast . Our lives contain so many variations we can not always know what context to relate the predictions too , though many are annoyingly clear as to what they are musing on . Again the vaguer the better for me ....

My previous post....

At last a post thats done some good ! Ive had many an epiphany brought about by reading anothers blog . Now I see I have had a chance to repay the favour . Somehow I thought that may happen  lol     Now to learn from the mistakes you claim to have made , thats the really hard part as you get older.... :  )