Impurities of the Blood ?

Its often with an almost embarrassed cringing that i re- echo what another blogger has just written , but i cannot deny i have also had my own very similar recent experiences. A month ago i started   to have negative dreams about a past social situation. The dreams filled me with un-ease and a great sadness when i awoke. You see this past situation despite the pit falls and dangers ended very well, though it did finally end...
  So where is this " false scenario " and past " negative past " come from ? In my dreams the person i befriended ignores me in social gatherings. It hurts. The dreams are subtle and frequent as though something is trying to re-write a false past.
  Maybe this is just my past anxiety's bubbling up, but i feel as though they are the running of an alternative past, maybe even if this is only an outcome i always expected, but were lucky enough to conquer and avoid back then.
  Its odd now as several years have passed since the friendship ended so i see no idea why i should be dreaming of unfulfillment. It does seem as though i am being tormented in a much too late attempt to take away what i deemed a success.
  When i wake up i have to recall memories to prove to myself these dreams are a false past and they never even come close to representing the truth. I hate them. They are a petty manifestation of either my own warped mind or anothers. Luckily they have ceased recently. I mean these up heavals are hrd enough to cope with once, never mind a fake retrospective insane re-writing.

  

Its that time of year again... This picture captures the dark, mucky decent from Summer to Autumn.  What really excites me is how accurate the blue sky colours are for this time of year. There is always that first cold gust of wind that announces the change, and here she embraces it. Also women Summer well and by Autumn they are in peak breeding condition, as such. And as a man just trust me on that ! The corn swaying seems particularly pagan too. A season of unease and change.

In the desert life attracts life
In life, like attracts like.

Developing Goppleganger ?

Today a photograph was reluctantly brought to my attention on facebook. My relation really wondered whether he was doing the right thing showing  it to me. The thing was several other people he knew had come to the same conclusion that this photograph was just plain disturbing. The photo was of a family member and a lodger who comes from Brazil. The odd thing is that his face seems to becoming disturbingly like my Sisters in its bone structure. Again this is not my observation, but now im wondering whether this is a trick of the light or just a freak photograph. This weekend i should get the answer.

There is little " forbidden fruit " nowadays, but what is still forbidden today is more forbidden than ever.   A style of sentence make up is returning to me....

Sea Cave Alter ?

   

Well i finally did it after failing 18 months ago. Last time i attempted this 3 mile coastal walk from Tintagel to Boscastle i didnt get above half a mile before i couldnt climb the cliff steps. I just stood and looked at them. I couldnt physically climb them or even start too. Something was very wrong and a visit to the doctor eventually revealed i had a vitamin B12 shortage...Anyway feeling in much better health this year i relished completing the walk, after all i had a distinct feeling there was something  waiting there me ....

It wasnt long before i found a sea cave. It was angled so i couldnt see inside from any direction. Suddenly a large block of quartz caught my eye, next how flat and table shaped it was gave me an odd feeling. Of course next i noticed how the over hanging slate seemed angle like a roof giving shelter. Getting nearer was impossible as it was on the edge of a shear drop. Ive heard the mystic Dion Fortune used a sea cave around there for her magick. Is this an alter ? I'd say so. It is definitely man made. Its not beyond reason to think this may well be that very cave. Well i like to think so.

When finally walking past i got a distinct atomosphere of the past i used to get when i was heavily into this scene. It felt like bumping into the old me. It was a nostalgic feeling and only on passing did it fade and then a great sadness came over me for a while. It soon passed, but that feeling of past moons and malarkey stayed with me. I feel there is some essence of me here. Its odd. Instinct tells me im part of something forever now...

BOOK OF LIES Crowley 18 DEWDROPS

 


Why does life continue  ? Obviously we procreate a replacement, but an essence that is not entirely understoood by us is also passed down.  I shall stop short of saying God, for now... This idea makes sense to me. Its so obtuse i can go with it.

Divine Comedy

" Oh no, the house is on fire...again ! "

Gary Numan- I Am Dust (Official Lyric Video) [HQ]

Yes, my ordeal of the past years is well and truly over...maybe it was all a distraction from the mundane future ? Of course it also sparked all the experiences and awareness that have been channelled into this blog as well ! Another contradiction. Looking back maybe she was a tool.... " torn from the path of least resistance "