A Commmon Misconception

Some views automatically loose the speaker all sympathy, but only because people presume obsession and complete immersion of the speaker in them.. Occultism, Mysticism and Nazi ideology are good examples. We are all somewhere on a spectrum on views. Some leanings are always presumed to be on the furthest end of this scale. Do you loose all patience when a certain word is used when a positive forward thinking idea is being put forward ?

17

In order to keep something you must be able to move with it.

Things that go bump in the night....literally.

Not had a lot to write about on here recently. I moved into my childhood home last November and was expecting some strange things to happen as it is or has been haunted in the past. Nothing has happened until these last few weeks.
  Firstly I awoke in the middle of the night. While half asleep something hit my bed so hard that it reverberated and shook. Being half asleep and scared witless I put it down to my wife turning over in bed, but that looking back that explanation is just a bit ridiculous, and I think fear just forced me to accept this and I was in shock. I quickly fell back to sleep ( very strange ) and didn't really think about it until a few days later. Something hit that bed very hard.
  Secondly a few days ago I was laid awake in bed one morning and something under the covers moved up my leg. I cant put it any plainer than that. It was surreal. I suppose it might have been a spider, but it felt more like the brush of a hand or body part. I cant explain it.

Quite a lucid dream

This week while on holiday I had the strangest dream that someone I met online several years ago came to visit me in the UK. As expected, if it was ever to really occur in real life, things did not go smoothly in the dream...lol OK it was a silly dream, but the intensity of the emotions I experienced in it had me thinking about, and musing on it for the next 24hours at least...

Morbid Manor

Tonight I sat in the morbid manor grounds next door and watched my daughter cycle just as I did at her age. OK maybe when I was a child we went more off road and got told off for churning up the pathways... Anyway this property still feels as morose as it did 40 years ago during my childhood. A cold westerly evening wind blew aimlessly across the lawns as the lowering sun started to silhouette the large stone gate posts. The house is in decline. Its current occupants haven't much time left as one will depart this earth soon. Misery has plagued these grounds stemming from the times of slavery. In fact this property was the last in the UK to abolish it, and only did so when it became illegal.
 

Gordon Lightfoot " If You Could Read My Mind" - Lyrics

For years ive wondered who sung this haunting song. The lyrics are so intense if a little sentimental. Funnily it turned up on a late night radio music quiz show broadcast last Saturday night. This song sums me up for sure. My thoughts are but ghosts that many never see, and part of me will forever hold on to the past that's defined me. Only a part though I must add. Nothing overwhelms me today, I think...





Amazing....  :  )

Cheese Wire

Most situations can cut both ways in life.
Dreams and solids are not separate, they yield the same.
That which was designed to cut through soft cheese...
Will also cut through the flesh, and cuts through the bone
The constant tension of time and magick
A day dream becomes a Gollum
Have you a steady hand  ?


Life can go in both the right and the wrong direction whether we try to steer it through magical manners or not. Cheese wire has been used not only to cut cheese but also to remove Rams horns by vets and farmers, even though it was originally designed to cut soft cheese. Our day dreams and desires can trigger great new magical events in our lives, even though some may think them as soft as cheese and therefore irrelivent and write off such thinking, but when they see very real changes they realise that the forces like the cheese wire can move or cut through our very real everyday lives. This can become dangerous and we risk becoming a slave to our desires. Even these forces can cut either way at times. A steady hand is needed to avoid disaster.

The tyranny of black

 This post is not a joke. A few years ago a neighbour had 3 black cars. I used to see them all parked up regular as the house boarderd our land. When they moved, the new owners also accumulated   3 black cars. I used to raise my eyebrows at this fact, and I had an uneasy instinct that this was not just a coincidence.
  Soon I myself had a black car, and lo and behold this week another 2 have joined it in a row in our yard, and this has been a variety of owners cars too that completed the three some. OK, so you think I'm projecting or under stress ?
  On  stopping at a local shop while gathering a few provisions on the way to Cornwall what pulled up along side me to park ? Why a black car with the reg 666. That happens to me a lot, the treble 7 and 6 thing, so no real effect other than a sigh really, but what followed on the return journey home on the motorway was more alarming....
  I noticed that at several times we became part of  a gathering of 3 to 6 black cars . Once when this happened a car immediatly proceeding the gathering of black ones had the reg plate DAVE . It seemed almost like a pointer exclaiming to me that, yes I was correct in my theory of the black attracting black. There comes a point when shouting coincidence sounds lame...

Scammer drops a 23

I should have known the phone call was false when a pleasant man offered to reduce my telephone and internet bill to a regular £23 a month.... When 23 turns up in my conversations it does mean that there is no future in said subject. Watch out for 23....

Crises

Life is soulless and I need to figure out why. I'm not happy. The very dale I live in feels empty. This is not the dale I grew up in anymore. I am in the process of figuring out why. I shall be uneasy till the day I die. It will always be this way. Going to bed, I'm tired and ready for a holiday.

What have we done !

Ive had quite a shock this weekend. I made a post on fb about how disturbing I found a one armed weather girl. I explained that the fact she made no attempt to wear any prosthetic arm as an attempt to sensationalise and shock viewers. Of course the abuse I got was rather expected if truth be told as people in general jump the gun on such subjects without thinking. What upset me most was the abuse I got from several members of my own family.
   The aggression was instantaneous. It was already primed and ready to explode. It was out of control. A premeditated brain washing has occurred among those we know making them value alien values or social groups above that of their own. They have a powerful allegiance to foreign sexualities and mindsets and races. They will not question these people and will crucify anyone who mutters anything that might sound even remotely cynical about them or critical. These people seem to have substituted the cause of people alien to them for their own moral examination. I guess its easier to focus on anothers problems rather than whats going on in your " back yard ".
   Over the past 20 years the next generation have been brainwashed by the liberal into accepting anything that has a connection to minority values and sexualities. Schools have been chiefly to blame here I believe and this mind set cannot be undone. I hate it. I really do. Since when would family member's be abusive to me straight out of the box over a non personal face book post I made ? I am shocked at how people have changed secretly inside and how far from traditional perceptions they have strayed. It truly is a sad day when people are more bothered about fighting anothers corner rather than their own.

Iron Maiden "Remember Tomorrow"

See you tomorrow...back writing again in June, post Tintagel !

Some kinda anything

I have little interest in anything at the moment. Anything that come out of my mouth is preceded by a hesitation or stutter. I cant hardly be bothered to take in enough breath to project my voice. Anything I say is trivial and of the moment. I keep controversial thoughts to myself and just let the moment pass. Im tired and ready for a holiday. The first fore runners of Spring are clambering over the ramparts.

Iron Maiden - Stranger in a Strange Land.

Nostalgia....  : )

I would re-phrase that " interesting and brave choices " in my case.

23

Having sent a tyre for repair after weeks of messing around with a slow puncture, I am today informed that I will need a whole new tyre as it is not repairable. Of course the number 23 turns up on the alloy wheel. This probably means that all the alloy wheels will need replacing soon. I am having 2 balanced later this week and what bets they are buckled ? We shall see...

Update - the tyre constantly leaked to 23 p.s.i...the new tyre cost £123 and the wheel nut covers were 23mm in diameter. That's a lot of 23's !

Iron Maiden Prodigal Son (Studio Version)

Recently.....

Crash bang and wallop !

A quick entry as I have a monster headache from spending to much time staring at this screen. The Element of Air -  Yesterday I turned around in our kitchen to see a metal top from a jam jar, spinning around on its own. Next day my wife was cleaning some ones kitchen when at the opposite end of the room came an almighty crash. A shelf of heavy pots and pans had fallen down by itself. Today my metal fish shoal sculpture has fallen off the wall sometime this afternoon. Luckily it hasn't broken this time, last spring it did. In general things are falling in chaos. Change is in the air I guess...

 

Not if it means going back to the ordinary...in fact it led to my shine.

Beyond weird

 

The Columbia in my head...lol

 

 

 

 

How is this for weird ?

Each day I get several phone calls that I answer, and no one is on the other end of the phone.

The number starts with 005 , the international code for Columbia !!!

Once again these weird calls have started after a relation has sent his laptop to be repaired at " that shop " . This usually triggers calls from Nigeria. These new silent calls are very odd. I sound mad, but something is not right here at the moment.. What possible gain could be made from these pointless calls being made to me ? Has the world gone mad ? Or am I just missing something here ?

A black pit of anger

I feel a black pit of anger inside of me. Its growing ever more bitter by the day. Its been months now of hassle just trying to get a car on the road. Ive tried to buy a new one and fell out with the high pressure salesman, ive tried to buy a second hand one and had nothing but trouble with repairs, ive tried to get my old car back on the road, and that was an epic undertaking if ever their was one. It however is corroding on the chassis so it wont pass its road test after this summer. All of this has arised a holy black anger in me. Its like a hot tar that bubbles. An unnatural sequence of events is upon me and im about to explode.
  Do you really want to know what makes me most angry though ? It is the fact that money is not a problem here. If it were id have some excuses. Money doesn't produce results. Money cant change luck or devastating sequences of events. In fact money cant solve any of my car problems and to be honest for the first time in my life im beat. I feel im in a parallel fucked up universe and there is no way out of it. Im lost, truly lost. Maybe behind my back all ive learnt is now irrelevant ?
  This post could be about anything that a person may care about. The fact it is about a material possession makes me even madder. Shouldn't be so complicated should it. Ive heard nothing back from my local garage and I can feel that something is going on here, another problem no doubt. Like I said im going to explode soon...
  I feel this whole sharade is a metaphor for something bigger that is wrong with today. I feel im approaching a crises that I need to face. No doubt the fact im returning to Boscastle this Summer has some bearing on it all. I tend to be in crises when I visit. It is a place to think and meet the otherside. God knows what they think when I approach on those cliffs ? Here he is again....

To hell with the hounds....

 

I cannot die a second time to myself.

Morgan ( not an April fools joke )

Four years ago I sat by a sea cave that filled with water in such a manner that it gave a rhythmic boom that made my skin tingle. It was a sunny cool night. At this time I had found a person who understood me deeply, but there was a problem as they were not of my social circle or age particularly. Great as this was, I remember staring out to sea as the sun set. I longed for someone of my own age group with whom I could share my own ideas. I really wanted this. When I returned home I soon forgot about that moment, but as often with magick the actual act, conscious or not is totally forgotten until the results flare up in front of you. I didn't have to wait long as through my blog I stumble immediately upon a woman. As this sea cave was not far from the supposed mythical site of King Arthur castle, the name Morgan seemed particularly poignant. Indeed it was not coincidence. Only a moron would use that argument...
   The name Morgan was not really a link to Morgan Le Faye ( evil witch type ) as in the legends familiar to Cornwall, but rather the Morgan that appears in the Dion Fortune novels The Sea Priestess and Moon Magic. This soon became clear as this real life Morgan was also striking in appearance, stylish, cultured, educated and creative. The fact that she seemed to remain cut off from society only furthered her connection to Dion Fortunes Morgan, well in my minds eye anyway. Its taken me a couple of years to accept this " coincidence ".
  So where is this Morgan you may ask ? Well by a twist of  fate in another country at the other side of the Atlantic. So what next ? Well ive enjoyed sharing ideas with this person, in fact it has been a big part of me at times, maybe too big a part when times were rough. Just like the book Morgan she comes and goes over time and its here that ive learnt to measure my emotions. I needed to be taught that lesson and I have learnt it the hard way, both online and in real life.
  Ive at times seen so many synchronicites  involving this that to post them all would be embarrassing. I hope ive also taught her some qualities, maybe ? I don't really know what I have to offer though as I feel a little outgunned like Wilfred in the first novel, but that's the point isn't it ? The balance, the flow of energy. This energy maybe just one way, I don't know. If that is so then it is a limited scenario as Wilfred learnt...
   To examine to closely is as ive said before is like looking at the fairy diamonds in the daylight and discovering they have turned to leaves. This can be a problem. The very fact that separation of like minded people is the crux of these progressions can be frustrating and annoying, but this is part of the fray that is a life less ordinary. It is not a game or a joke, but an obstacle that stirs up new awakenings. I needed to " meet " Morgan and vibed we have and look forward to doing so in the future...We come across those we need to.

Head Over Heels - Donnie Darko Scene

Nothing escapes the camera....

Iron Maiden - Afraid to Shoot Strangers (HD)

Have you got what it will take ?  Have I got what its going to take  ? !

Precautions are nothing more than a vain attempt to divert or delay the inevitable...

Something odd

Something very odd happened yesterday morning. In fact it was so odd that I don't know if it reduces my creditability if I write down what happened, even on this blog. All I can say is that things happened the way im about to write them. Am I going mad ? Maybe...
   Living locally to me is a woman in her 40's. She walks her Labrador regularly up our single lane road. From behind she looks younger, from the front much older. I don't know why I mention this but it seems important. She walks her dog with the air of a small girl who is carrying out an errand for her parents. All life seems to have washed out of her essence and aura, but still there is the hint of a younger woman in her as she trudges along. She has no partner or children either. I don't know if this fact is important when looking at what happened next.
  I have never known her make eye contact with me as I drive past. She always looks down. In fact I find her quite un-nerving. I feel my instincts are warning me that she is not what she seems. I pondered just why I found her so unsettling. Eventually it came to me. The way she walked reminded me of a woman who followed me along a cliff path at Boscastle, the one who seemed to float as she walked and hung her hair down " Grudge " style over her face. Yes, this local woman has that same otherworldly look about her. Her height and build are similar to, and her body language.
   Well yesterday as I drove past she looked up and to one side and gave me a cunning smile. What was worse, and I know this sounds mad, but her face had the exact dimensions and expression of a archetypal witch. Her chin, her cheek bones and her broad smile were all those of a witch. I don't know how else to say this. I have always sensed something odd about her.
  Now this happened on a short stretch of road where I wrote a few months ago that my parents had seen a neighbour oddly dressed in pink suddenly vanish into thin air. Also on this piece of road I saw a woman driving my now deceased neighbours car. He had no explanation for it. Of course the road runs past the haunted manor house . I believe that this is pivotal in what is going on here. Im sure somehow that alternative realities are seeping through here. Maybe I just saw this womans true essence ? Maybe im mad ? But I know what I saw. I have another story to tell that tests my reputation as well about a local man whom I was told some odd details about...

Donnie Darko Easter

 

 

Ive found that life is quite like this films promotional image. Many people all make up one big picture...

Tom Jones - Delilah (video)

I have a secret fantasy. In another life I would love to be a cabaret type singer like Tom Jones or Frank Sinatra. Seriously. To stand on stage delivering a powerful performance of solid old style songs, and to have the feeling of being someone substantial, and famous quite seduces me. So somewhere inside of me hides this alter ego... The thought of sauntering across a stage appeals to me. I guess the easy style of these songs feeds the desire in me to be more at ease with myself and others. Of course  these types of singer give the appearance of being a tad too laid back, and I think that also appeals to me as I am certainly not that way in real life. I don't know why ive posted this. It is a silly idea, but I still like it. Who knows in another life...

Marc Almond & Gene Pitney - Something`s Gotten Hold Of My Heart

This song has always entranced me. It is me. It is this blog.

Did somebody call an expert ?

Experts. Are they really all they are cracked up to be ? Last night I was watching a well known T.V presenter swimming in the U.K sea with sharks.  It all looked a bit nerve wrecking and the sound track of the TV program played up to this... but the fact that these sharks were feeding on a dead whale set my alarm bells ringing. The presenter assured us that the whale was a lot tastier than a rubbery suited diver, so all would be well. Well rather them than me I thought.
   Well what could possibly go wrong next ? Any guesses ? The resident shark expert was quite happy to allow the diving to continue. Of course it wasn't long before the sharks were bumping into the divers to see what whether they were suitable food. All of a sudden the mood changed and one diver was slightly bitten and the panic set in. Well. well, I didn't see that coming....
  Now im no shark expert of course, but if I could predict this event was heading south then why didn't the expert see this ? I am starting to develop a lack of faith in anyone proclaiming to be an expert in any field. I think its important to eye up and make a final decision ourselves in any situation. Trust only you.
 I have come across various other anecdotes about experts who have failed in their particular field especially when their skills are called upon in their personal lives.
   I know of a builder who built a garage wall for himself that fell down next day, a swimmer who swam for our county who hardly dare swim across a small strip of water to an island. She froze for ages as everyone else ( family ) just swam across casually. I watched on from the lake shore totally baffled and wondering whether said girl could even swim ! Doesn't add up at all does it ?
   A particularly interesting story occurred locally to me. The TV survival expert Bear Griff  went down a cave that is well known for flooding. On the day of filming the rain was torrential. What could possibly go wrong ? The cave rescue people had to come out to save him as " water levels suddenly caused concern " Unbelievably no one not even Griff was wearing any helmets ! Where was the expert attitude ? We all have off days but some of the above examples show a very worrying lack of basic common sense. And here lies the problem.

Best of both worlds ?

Im beginning to believe that at rare times sleep takes us to places that threaten our return to awaking...  Vivid " dreams " of pitch battles against unseen things feel all too real. I win only by the skin of my teeth in these dreams. Maybe one day I wont make it back. I strongly feel this.

Seduction

 

 

This Summer I am planning to return to a mystical area in Cornwall. Tintagel is a strange little rather tacky town by the sea, made famous by its close location to the supposed sight of King Arthurs castle. A short walk away from the castle ruins is a huge drop into the sea. From a distance it is clear that this cliff is huge, so when I decided to go to the edge to look down into the sea below I was more than a little nervous. I fear heights and deep water. What I found when I looked over the edge shocked me. Firstly the distance down to the sea only looked about a 1/5 th of the height it actually was. This was dangerously deceptive in a way that I couldn't fathom. I spent some time looking down just to check I wasn't imagining this. Next came the most shocking part that really rattled me. I got the over whelming feeling of euphoria and the desire to jump into the dark water below. It was a giddy sensation that suggested I would somehow be rewarded if I jumped. It was illogical as I am scared of heights and water. It almost felt as though I was being seduced. I can still see that dark shimmering water in my minds eye now. A friend told me that there are areas like this that seduce people to jump. Maybe some " suicides " are due to this. There are entities near water and ive felt and photographed them. You cannot see them, but they are nearby.

Simplistic Bullshit

https://media.giphy.com/media/xc2DdELiqRXri/giphy.gif   


No man judges better than himself.  How can you tell a man his views are not true or well founded. People base hate on their experience. If your scared of hate then I guess you post this kind of simplistic B.S  This is fb at it most moralizing and unthinking. I would re-label this diagram as below...


EXPERIENCE ----------------------- JUDGEMENT

 ^
 ^
 ^
 ^
LIFE

Seasonal Alignmnent

Last year at my previous house in the village I always enjoyed watching the sun set having a clear view West. I soon noticed that the sun would set exactly in the V of a tree each evening during the first week of June. This always amused me as I took it as a sign that my holiday was due as this week has always been my time to get away. You could call this a kind of cosmic clock and it never ceased to make me quite giddy watching this surreal alignment.
  Last year was the same, but when I came home a week later on the 7th the sun continued to set in the V for the whole of June. As Ive said earlier this normally only happened for a week. It felt as though time had stopped and as the sun just set in that same place until July started. Could time be being manipulated ? Or was this just a regular anomaly that occurs every few years. I would love to know.
  What is interesting is that the earth sits 23 degrees on a slope on its axis ( what else eh ? ) I also know that there is a variation of several degrees on its rotation that acts as a wobble effect. Was this responsible for the sun hanging around longer in it setting position that normal last year ? Unfortunately I don't live there anymore so I cant check this out this year, well not unless I walk up the back path and the last time I did that after moving I burst into tears driving home. Too many memories there of esoteric rebirth, love , madness and death to be honest, on and magick. Anyway im straying from the point and my eyes are filling up so lets move on....

 

Above is the photograph I took as a reminder of how the view looked for one week each year, apart from last year when time appeared to " stop " !  Ive noticed that this photograph was taken on the 7 th of June and already you can see the suns setting position has moved slightly off centre of the V in the trunk. Why did it then stick there until July ?

The Birds and Bees can keep it !

I have recently had a quite expensive repair to my car. It cost me nothing as it was under warranty. All good then ? No it is not all good as it came back with new problems. Now ive decided to forsake the offer of another free repair and pay for it myself to be done by someone I know and TRUST !

How often in this world do people clamour for anything that's FREE ?

If the outcome is useless or even disastrous then why would I want more of it ?

Because its free ?   REALLY ??? 

FREE has a cost. Avoid it.

The Definitive Moment

The interesting thing about flooring a true performance car is that during the manic acceleration the human mind can only concentrate on one thing for that moment - SURVIVAL ! Every other thought is blocked out, if only for a few seconds. I like this. Ive missed this. Is this not the very definition of satisfaction ? And danger ?

Judas is mentioned  23 times in the Bible

Fold - Gary Numan

Seriously enjoying this album. So fresh and from 06

Stand aside

One of the most disturbing things that ive come to realise is that there are specific times when a well organised force can descend upon a person or area and begin to slowly dissolve it. No action can stop it. No logic is of any use, or even reason. It is just something trying to END. Some say these forces have a name. I care not as I see their work all around me everyday. Most are too asleep to see them or to run down to acknowledge them. This doesn't matter though as the outcomes will still be the same - IMPROVEMENT , even though it will hurt.

The sap is rising again

 

 

Some kind of energy is slowly rising through me as does sap in a tree at this time of year. The weather is grey and cold and a North wind is gusting. The land looks dead and brown but im returning to me. The change over between the Winter and Summer me has once again begun. I have felt like shit since Christmas. Ive been itchy, head aches and stomach troubles have plagued me. A tiredness that made me think of death has smothered me. It is now easing and a brightness is returning to my mind. This is a seasonal thing thank god.

Beware the ides of March !!!

All figurines available separately....

Thinking outside the box

 We as humans are taught to act logically, and think logically. Well that's all very well and good if we could guarantee the outcome of each situation based on an action, but we cant. Logical actions are nothing more than an act of blind faith. Act logically and all will be well. Well events don't just fall into place like many preach. I suggest we hold fire on any logical actions we have planned, especially if we have a lot riding on the outcome. Things rarely go to plan, so what good is logic if it cant deliver 100% of the time ? It is a complete let down and even dangerously delusional. Yes we need to slow down and not make so many snap decisions based on logic. We need to think about the variables, the things that others dismiss as being the very things we are trying to avoid and the things that an action will logically solve. Too often these miracle logical acts do not deliver a cure all to our problems. The world does not present solutions to problems mechanically and logically. Often an imperfection can lead to  spin off and a new realisation of something we would never have learnt of. Mistakes reveal paths we would never have found and solutions we would never have ever considered. They are the new pathfinders. The days of blind faith are over for me.
  

Tales of the unexpected theme

I am currently enjoying watching the 70's British chiller series Tales of the Unexpected. The theme music still haunts me as it reminds me of my childhood which was very much overshadowed by living next door to a haunted manor house and living on a haunted farm. I am now once again living there as time has brought me back to roost again. This melody really captures how those dark childhood days felt.

  Anyway today one of the spin offs of watching this series is seeing how the episodes  were often filmed in winter and on very grey still afternoons. I take a very strange pleasure in watching the capturing of that days weather on film so long ago. A day that has long gone, but even its capture on film makes me feel melancholy. I felt that way in childhood about the weather and I get that feeling again now when watching this program. Its hard to explain.

  The opening title sequence was a series of various images that included tarot cards. For some very strange reason and totally by chance this clip just repeats the cards and nothing else. I don't know why. The cards are very relevant to me at this time and ive noticed them for a while as part of the titles. I know little of the cards meanings and ive never had them dealt but I do know the meanings of these cards as they came up in an online search to do with the number 23. Basically I see the end of a part of my life, the need to slow down and take stock and the search for a substantial person of organization to guide me or mould me. So that's a change of direction then. This is the only way forward as where I was at was killing me. Magick can give you help in the direction you want to attain, but whats the point if it damages you ? To grow to handle a situation must surely be done FIRST ? Well guess what ? Im now getting closer to that stage.

The past 7 years of my life have consisted of throwing rocks into a mental quagmire. Eventually these " rocks " begin to form some kind of  hard base which rises up out of the mess. I can now even feel this small island when im going through lifes situations which once would have devoured me. My passions once took control of me, but today I have some resistance and im much more measured. Just because some of the past " rocks " are no longer on view doesn't mean they are redundant. They are below the surface enabling the firmer ground of now to exist.

The Number 23 Trailer [ JIM CARREY ] HQ

Please stop me if I go this far..lol

Today I saw 2 car number plates     CON 23   and  GLT 23 

Rob Zombie - Ride (Lyrics)

Projection /  Retraction.....

Tonight I feel nothing. A void. A total void. This means something is ahead...

I have no idea what this means, but it sounds fascinating

I believe that the state of the bed you sleep in is an accurate reflection of your current mental health.

WATER -   Stronger than one, stronger than ten, stronger than a HUNDRED men !

The Ramones- i wanna be sedated (lyrics)

The problem with holidays is that all the things you manage to out run while working finally catch up with you. Im exhausted and its only been a weekend break....

As the days brighten and the sun gets higher I notice all the imperfections that the new brighter light exposes. Buildings look drabber after all the winters rain, my car has more scratches that once the dark winter light was until now hiding, and my clothes can suddenly be seen to be more worn than I suspected. It is the same every year. The brighter light exposes all these annoyances and imperfections. Everything suddenly looks more worn out.

Another 2 tiny feathers have fallen right in front of my face today. One was outside and the other in the house. Last time this happened I had a near fatal accident shortly afterwards. I saw them as a sign at the time. I don't know what will happen this time

Dirty rusty morbid moon

Reflects the blood and bile of life

Slow motion clouds drift

As does time

Death taints red the sky

As charcoal clouds slide grimly by.

Today a single white feather fell into a bunch of Snow Drops outside our back door...

Watchmen - Death of the Comedian 1080p

This is how I feel. Middle aged and soon to be obsolete or deleted by life. Im slowly losing my perception on how this age works and how people expect me to act.

My new car has a worn gear box... I seem to be stuck in a negative cycle of mechanical hell. It never ends and knows no reason. Its been a long and complex event that is beyond chance. One spin off is that at the end of it I will have much better people skills and a greater confidence at laying down the law to others.

Last night I woke up feeling utterly drained and dizzy having laid on one side far too long. The very air of the room seemed cold and dry and felt as though it were eating away at me. Adding to this was a feeling of cold sweat and a subtle looming panic that half my soul had been eaten away and if I hadn't woken then I don't know what would have happened. It was only after hearing a familiar sound of our dogs barking outside that I felt my old self returning back like a trickle that became a flood. Physically and mentally I felt I was dying in the middle of the night. I though I had lost more of me than could be recovered again. A feeling of illness behind a veil yet to come filled my mind.  It was horrible.
  

Last Spring some birds were nesting in a farm building of ours and they dropped some random pages of an old Bible onto the floor. When I picked them up and read them I was quite amazed. It seems that the theme was about ridding ourselves of unhealthy influences and people.

Propaganda - Duel

What can I say ?

Something very odd happened last night. I was watching Tales of the Unexpected, and  this episode contained a woman who played Bach to her cat on a piano. And what was the cats name ? Sebastian !

Gigi D'Agostino - Silence "vision2" ( Underconstruction 1 )

Ive only just recently been able to listen to this track / album again. This takes me back to my peak experience days. It was Winter as it is now. I remember driving down our country lane and being aware of every snow flake as it fell. That spell of  cold weather that occurred over Christmas had its very own  separate atmosphere. It felt  as though it was almost holy, but in a pagan way.The frosts were particularly hard at night, and the moon was a Wintery cold white colour. One day there was even the rumble of an earth quake that occurred locally. All in all this was too much to deal with. I was overpowered by life in a bitter sweet way. The hollow silvery sound of this track captures perfectly how it felt inside.



There are also two very strange things about this mix. At the very beginning there is the sound of a crackling fire on a sea shore. At that time that fire crackling sound started to appear in adverts and various mediums in my sphere. It was very surreal. The second strange thing is the way the male singers voice merges into a male voice at the end of the first vocals. This is very well done and has a gender blending tone to it. This excites me. No idea why because its very odd.

Millennium S02E43 Somehow, Satan Got Behind Me

My God, that's life alright !!   I am a big fan of the 3 series of Millennium. Only one episode was a comedy though.  Although tongue in cheek this one captures many quite serious truths about how our lives have become mundane and unsatisfying.

Sunset Shimmer's Wrath/Defeat

Im the first to admit that this transformation sequence is quite hard core. Is this an action scene taken from a Manga adult animation then ? Why, no...this happens to be the latest My Little Pony offering. Mmmm... Things turn even stranger when an alternative dimension  is shown to be accessible only during a full moon, and through a mirror. This is referred to as a" portal " . On each side of the portal each character has its own version. The " angels " fight the " demons " , and magic is used in battle. Sometimes childrens TV programs contain more than first meets the eye. I must admit that I like this animation. It has a charm about it. Its an odd mix for a childrens film though, surely ? Of course most people wont ever realise the nod and wink towards occult ideas contained in the plot.

Skid Row - In A Darkened Room (Official Video)

Im not really sure how Skid Row managed to not make it big time...Oh, hold on I remember now...They were signed by Bon Jovi into a notorious recording contract that was known for being one of the most exploitive and degrading in the music industry. I learnt that from a documentary ! Some of the bands tracks actually are emotional in a way ive not found in other metal bands albums. Wasted Time is a good example. I wouldn't listen to it unless I was in a cast iron frame of mind, such is its power. Songs so good they hurt, but still I cant resist.

Why Little Matters ?

If its HOT you'll want COOL
If you want COOL you'll get HOT
If its GOOD it turns BAD
If its BAD it turns GOOD
If your HAPPY you'll turn SAD
If your SAD then you'll find HAPPY
If your BORED you'll find PURPOSE
If you have PURPOSE you'll get BORED
If your SECULAR you'll find GOD
If you've found GOD you'll turn SECULAR...

This is the joke of life. The joke of the General at the Expense of the Particular

Eventually life just becomes about waking up every morning. It becomes not about money, love or reproduction. Just waking up day after day after day... then worrying about not waking up one day. What other way would we live if we had the chance ? Ive no idea. I feel like ive woken up half way along a train journey to a destination I never wanted to set off for. Then there is tomorrow and a thousand days after that to come. Seasons will change ect. Maybe I could go back to the start again when I didn't realise this plodding on would be so mechanical. Summer will come and mask everything delivering all its distractions. Only Winter reveals the truth...

St Patricks Church

On Sunday I visited St Patricks Church in Heysham and the Priory ruins behind it. I had heard a while ago there were some graves there that were carved out of  rock. Only after looking around the Priory ruins did I finally find them. They were in such an unlikely place, on a slab of rock at the very edge of a small cliff that looked out to sea. The view from this rock was epic. I can see now why they were located there . You could almost imagine flying out to sea and away across the open landscape somehow. I think this was why this site was chosen for use as a premium burial site. Carving the graves from the rock must have been much work so im guessing the people laid to rest in them must have been important. The rock slab felt like a launch pad, and only a temporary resting place. Its just the feeling I got when I visited though. It seemed as though it was a departing point for souls. I could imagine the spirits of the deceased shooting of across the bay. It was not a restful stable site. It implied movement and the start of a journey. Well that was what I strongly felt that day.
   I have noticed that Priorys whether ruined or intact still carry the most amazing atmospheres of peace and tranquillity. It doesn't seem to matter how long they have been ruins, or how much is left, the feeling of total peace is still living there. I guess all the rituals practised in them have led to a lasting aura ? Anyway I returned home feeling quite refreshed. I felt still quite tired, but some part of me was replenished. I guess that was mission accomplished.
 Another thing I have noticed is how I get disorientated when I am getting near these places. I forgot which turn off to take and ended up driving through the village back streets. I also experience a very black mood before hand too. It almost seems like these two annoying events always have to happen before I find the peace Im looking for.

 

Priory ruins

 

 

 

Rock graves. Pre 8th Century ? No one is sure...

 

St Patricks

Reaching the Sea

Cant Sleep

I cant sleep. This moon has me feeling like a stretched out elastic band. It is so bright tonight that I can see the walls and hedges in the fields outside. A strange light covers everything. Ive been so tired today that I tried to sleep this afternoon, but failed. I ended up writing a raunchy recollection of a christening I attended last year ! It is on my Moon blog. Oooer.... ! Im blaming the moons feminine forces for that ramble. Just roll with it...

Shakin' Stevens - Green Door (Avro)

The Unseen ?

Ive known for a while that the camera hates me. I rarely get a photograph that resembles what I see when I look in the mirror. This is increasingly frustrating and even to be honest disturbing. To not be able to capture your true essence or even a satisfactory attempt must be classed as stressful. What I do capture is not me. This leads me to ask if the camera is capturing something else ? Ive had things appear on photo's that I couldn't see at the time with the naked eye, but could this also be the case with facial shots ? I don't know really, but its just an idea I turn to when Im failing to capture how I see myself. If it is so, then im doomed to failure...
  Ive seen other people who when photographed from various angles look like totally different people too. This is nearly as disturbing... and again I ask my self if the camera is capturing some other essence of them ? Even bone structures can appear to be changed and facial shapes as well.
  Anyway here are some photographs that capture more than their fair share of the unseen. They were taken last year at a holiday house in Maryport that I suspected was haunted after a door opened by itself for me one night, followed closely by a pair of dresser doors. Note the position of the orbs. One at either side of the dresser doors that opened by themselves and a large one by the doorway that opened too. Their positioning is not coincidental, surely ? Sometimes I find myself questioning my sanity as I was taking photos of " nothing " at 4.30am. Not a normal weekend away then... Were the two mirrors acting as some kind of portal ? Ive heard it said and have had experiences that suggest this.

 

 

 

 

 

You can just make out an orb at each corner of the cabinet doors

 

 

 

 

This orb I have blown up. It was on a separate photo by the bedroom door

 

Do you see a face ? Maybe im projecting ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maryport Harbour

Catching the last of the days winter sun...

 

 

 

Deep Purple Perfect Strangers Lyrics

The internet is a double edged sword. It can convey to us " echoes " of people we have known in the past, both literally and by bringing us into  touch with those we have never met, but remind us of people we used to know in " real life " . Here is a quandary that always puzzled me . If we are in regular contact with a person we have never met online, is that relationship more real than one we used to have years ago with someone...but has faded with time in real life ? To add to the confusion I have written off friendships in real life due to a person not playing " ball " online. This was a mistake. Some people are just scatty online and don't mean to offend. Or are they really just playing a game ? This thinking will drive you mad. Ive been there. I guess only a face to face meeting can tell you the answer you so badly need to know, and that isn't always possible. I think people we know in real life are less likely to be game players though. I must admit that I am a little quick to get insecure online or paranoid. I once wrote an amusing musing ( sorry ) about how the Devil invented facebook. I shall try and find it.


Sometimes faith never delivers - Sometimes doubts are ill founded.

Right Where Anyone Who Cares To Look Can See ?

It has only just hit me now, and my heart feels giddy with the realisation. This is not an artistic interpretation im about to suggest here, but a cold hard theory. I was once in a different reality where I experienced that which I craved. I bent agendas and life patterns, both of my own and others to achieve this. Not all this was done consciously.
   Anyway I created a moods where I had success. Next came a dispersion and complete breakdown of all I had achieved as life flooded in. I couldn't hold it back, and I thought all was lost for ever. I thought this for several years.
   Only now do I see after a brief moment of return to that situation, that it still exists somewhere. It can exist in tandem with the mundane life im living as another alternative reality. All I need to do is realise that there is still a mood when I can return in the mirage to old times. Call it a porthole that opens. It is still accessible, just as a drug user might access a state of mind at will. Of course the situation seems impossible and silly compared to the mundane life of today, but still it exists under its own self sustaining energy.
  I cannot access this everyday. I cannot sustain or aid this relationship on Face Book. Wrong tool you see. That would be like using a Laptop in Church ? To grasp this is hard. Very hard because I am slipping from my current reality. Of course I get stressed judging a surreal situation through wordly eyes ! The shocking proof of recent social mixings has proved this. How could I have forgotten this ? Of course this situation used to destroy me, but when balanced with todays new mood I see a nicer picture than ever before, after all we must have balance.  23 .Ive lived unbalance and eventually it leads to hell. Below is a poem I wrote years ago about this little accessible reality.

Temporary Loss

All seems now lost
Still circles have vanished
Empty rooms beckon
As the everyday is now
Waiting for high tides
To bring me free passage
Return to my dreams ?
But the question is how .

Clouds of the past drift over a moon of the present
Gentle moments remembered
As magic unfolds
Silver moonlight reflected
As memories flicker
What wouldn't I give to once again watch them unfold ?
Slow moonlight shadows drift ghost like till dawn
As shining river valleys move forever seaward bound
Too soon , but too late have I found all the answers
To feel all I wanted
But have nothing to hold .


"  The Initiate gets to use everything, but own nothing... "   Dion Fortune

Lest Olde Acquaintance Be Forgot

 

 

Roll up, roll up !  See the grand return of a legendary spectacle. You wrote him off, but by means unknown to mortal man he has returned. Gasp in awe as you view his seemly impossible social concoctions, and blatant disregard for social conventions. Watch him dismantle rigid formalities as he dances with Lady Luck. He spins, he twirls, she dances...for one night only.

Does he really fear success ?