I feel a black pit of anger inside of me. Its growing ever more bitter by the day. Its been months now of hassle just trying to get a car on the road. Ive tried to buy a new one and fell out with the high pressure salesman, ive tried to buy a second hand one and had nothing but trouble with repairs, ive tried to get my old car back on the road, and that was an epic undertaking if ever their was one. It however is corroding on the chassis so it wont pass its road test after this summer. All of this has arised a holy black anger in me. Its like a hot tar that bubbles. An unnatural sequence of events is upon me and im about to explode.
Do you really want to know what makes me most angry though ? It is the fact that money is not a problem here. If it were id have some excuses. Money doesn't produce results. Money cant change luck or devastating sequences of events. In fact money cant solve any of my car problems and to be honest for the first time in my life im beat. I feel im in a parallel fucked up universe and there is no way out of it. Im lost, truly lost. Maybe behind my back all ive learnt is now irrelevant ?
This post could be about anything that a person may care about. The fact it is about a material possession makes me even madder. Shouldn't be so complicated should it. Ive heard nothing back from my local garage and I can feel that something is going on here, another problem no doubt. Like I said im going to explode soon...
I feel this whole sharade is a metaphor for something bigger that is wrong with today. I feel im approaching a crises that I need to face. No doubt the fact im returning to Boscastle this Summer has some bearing on it all. I tend to be in crises when I visit. It is a place to think and meet the otherside. God knows what they think when I approach on those cliffs ? Here he is again....
Sounds really stressful, sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteIm stuck in a strange rut. Something is doing this to me. Its a bigger picture. I know when a problem comes from several different sources over time that it is not a coincidence. I feel hexed. Today I spoke to my local garage and they said the car was nearly ready, but there was nervousness in the persons voice, and a hesitant tone, plus lots of general vagueness. I get that when anyone works on this car. I also feel an anger that ive never felt before. It is a response to the fact im facing something unnatural. Ive had a long run of bad luck car wise. I don't understand things anymore. Everything else is fine but this one part of my life. Its so annoying and stupid. I seem to be losing my faith in people to. If I try and buy a brand new car a salesman will try and sabotage it with stupidity. Im hoping this all soon gets cleared up though as it really affecting me.I don't feel like I used too. I think my views are going to change after all this....
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