Its true ive lacked a bit of inspiration recently. I went through a crisis a while ago that damned near destroyed me, but its passed now, although like the tide I still feel its pull now and again. Mostly nowadays my time is taken up with work or my daughter .
Im sure a part of me has died, or had to In order to become something sustainable. I don't see anyone to talk about deep things with anymore. Everyone I know is busy, very busy. Im more content with my own company than I was. That was what I lacked 6 months ago. I was weak, tired emotionally and too dependant on others. Ive watched a transition in all my age groups lives. Transition is disturbing...
Back then I read so many times about how it was foolish to rely on others. Today I see why. I learnt my lessons the hard way. Loose a friend ? Well I just give a mental shrug of my shoulders now, as its their loss. Life is simpler today. But can I do simplicity ?
Despite this I feel that which I write about on this blog feels more real recently. Ive simply had to accept there is an unexplained presence in life that reveals its self slowly. I had a disturbing experience at Glastonbury last Spring which I shall try and post about. Since then I feel bad luck or beyond luck has stalked me. I smile a grim smile as even this is a break from the mundane. At the time a trainee Deaconess at Wells Cathedral offered to pray with me about what Id felt I had been exposed to. I declined but know wish i'd taken up her offer.
Glastonbury has made me more parental and fatherly somehow, but this is still only 50% of me. Ive change physically since that holiday to, which is odd. That holiday was the death of part of me that was weaker, so of course it felt unpleasant. As I have someone worth telling again, I shall write. As ever water plagues me, it gurns, it shrieks all over the country, where ever I go. I shall film and post !
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