9 - Change at the highest level

I may delete this in the morning !

Its probably a direct cause of the full moon, but tonight  Im thinking about all the people who have moved me so far in life, and wondering just how they've viewed me in the past. These people were not great examples of morality or conventional types. A long running theme of corruption ran through them. Maybe it was their free spirit I fell for ? Well if you don't have a free spirit whats the point of it all ? Nothing was ever consummated in these friendships. and I was always left high and dry. But that happens to everyone anyway, consummated or not though doesn't it !!!
   Im hungry. What I need to sustain me is rare as Ive waffled on before. Yes, when I find what I need it starts eat at me until the very ground beneath me is eroded away and I find my balance toppled. So to re-cap; that which I desire destroys me, and without it life is not complete. This process is a powerful one that lasts for years. As you can see from my blogging history Im a consistent bugger ! I am who I am and things are changeable.
  I sometimes think I create situations of uncomfortableness as a distraction, but from what exactly ? Ive chased dreams. Ive lived alright, even though ive never travelled far. There is one constant theme that's run through the years and that is I cannot hold onto that which I find of value. Thats the joke of life. I have only been like this for 5 years though. It feels like a life time though. I cant remember much about how life felt before. My experiences ran in tandem with the pace of changes that life normally moves at, so going back is impossible. Just where the hell have I drifted too ??? Well ive drifted to parenthood. This is not a get out of jail card for free though.
  Funnily things can be divided into what Ive fought for and that which came to me,or returned to me, or what I stumble upon. Fighting against the tide is no fun for long. Growing up I found myself constantly wanting to bond with my Sister or play together, but we never agreed on much as children ( and still don't ) Some search for females that compensate for their mothers short comings. Maybe I do the same but in a sibling non consummating way ? It a thought, and quite a deep one, but we ramblers have to get to the bottom of our " shit " or we aren't gonna find many happy endings. If you are reading this blog then I guess like most people you have baggage, and will be relating to what I say.

Home under the moon

Yes, I know Ive closed the 23 entries but...

Its incredible Im back exactly where I was last year to a " T "  But why ? I have even had slight contact on line with a person who will soon start ignoring me again, in fact I think its started today ( and of course it will ) Some return to your sphere against all odds. Some people you cannot reach despite all your efforts. I have a crystal clear perception of this this morning.

A fine observation !

" Mass is a magical ceremony performed with the object of endowing a material substance with divine virtue; but there is no material difference between the consecrated and non consecrated wafer. Yet there is an enormous difference in the moral reaction upon the communicant. Recognising that its principal sacrament is only one of many of an infinite number of possible experiments in talismanic magic, the Church has never denied the reality of the Art, but treated its exponents as rivals. She dares not lop the branch on which she sits !!! "

Moonchild / A. Crowley


Ive had arguments on other blogs with people much more articulate than me about these things, but here I have the winning quote. Its the above example that's the reason so many Christians get all hot and bothered on some blogs. They scream faith as the be and end all, thus losing the argument as they unintentionally prove that its all about perceptions. And how can any ones perceptions be proved wrong ? Ive posted before that the mystical and occult and religions must all be treated as the same, but  we live in a hypocritical world.

You dont need to see it to know its coming...full moon

" Some people, " he had said quite seriously, " have one brain ;some have two. I have two. "
A minute later he added: " Oh, I forgot. Some have none at all... "   Cyril Grey / Moonchild by A. Crowley

Well should I go ?

I have just found out Im invited to a baptism of a pregnant friend by full immersion in water this Sunday, the night of the Full Moon. Never have I seen such a collision of water/spirituality/ and moon magick/ feminine forces ! Damned Occultism if ever Ive seen it, whether intentional or not !!!

Throwing light on a dark horse....

I have finally taken a photo that captures the real essence of me, as opposed to the usual lies the camera  tells....