A problematic moment, again.

 It keeps happening when you least expect it. Those sudden moments when your life is or appears to be in peril, potentially. This week, the day after returning from a good holiday i was driving with my family down our single track road and met a local on a tractor. The tractor had a round bale on the front loader and as it approached us. I could see it was not raised high enough for the driver to see what was in front of him. As it approached I thought surely he must have seen us and will stop, but no. He didnt slow down and the bale was above my bonnet as height goes and would have hit my windscreen.

Right then with seconds to spare I got that feeling just like when the run away tractor narrowly missed us, though this one was  thankfully going at walking speed. Being a single track road there was no where to go. There wasnt time to even find reverse gear so I blasted my horn five times before he heard and stopped.

I was incredibly angry that yet again a moment had turned everything on its head. In an instant death or injuring can be upon you, and all in the most seemingly benign environment of a local lane. You cannot predict what others will do. Again it makes a mockery of my assumption that all was fine that day. Is anything ever fine ?  Was it ever ?! 

I think in the second half of life our luck runs out. I think the only way forward is to be nihilistic. That brings me onto warning signs that are put up such as  " speed kills " Ive never known real danger be forecast by a sign.

Im finding my feet at the moment after my hospital incident. I dont like using the term for what I had. Life seems meaningless now. Or do lesser things seem more important because anything deep seems it could be wiped out so randomly ? The weather is not helping at all. Some may say ive been " lucky " but to be lucky in my case has manifested because bad luck circumstances...lol Im not sure im making sense so shall stop here.