This House is a Joke

I have to write this as its happening. My life tonight has become a cheesey horror film and im not sure whether to laugh or cower. Something has just throw a hoover nozzel through the kitchen doorway and onto the floor with a crash. Next an almighty creak comes from the oak floor boards upstairs. A strong North wind is moaning around the house tonight also. How i wish i was joking. And why do these things only happen when im alone ?