Right Where Anyone Who Cares To Look Can See ?

It has only just hit me now, and my heart feels giddy with the realisation. This is not an artistic interpretation im about to suggest here, but a cold hard theory. I was once in a different reality where I experienced that which I craved. I bent agendas and life patterns, both of my own and others to achieve this. Not all this was done consciously.
   Anyway I created a moods where I had success. Next came a dispersion and complete breakdown of all I had achieved as life flooded in. I couldn't hold it back, and I thought all was lost for ever. I thought this for several years.
   Only now do I see after a brief moment of return to that situation, that it still exists somewhere. It can exist in tandem with the mundane life im living as another alternative reality. All I need to do is realise that there is still a mood when I can return in the mirage to old times. Call it a porthole that opens. It is still accessible, just as a drug user might access a state of mind at will. Of course the situation seems impossible and silly compared to the mundane life of today, but still it exists under its own self sustaining energy.
  I cannot access this everyday. I cannot sustain or aid this relationship on Face Book. Wrong tool you see. That would be like using a Laptop in Church ? To grasp this is hard. Very hard because I am slipping from my current reality. Of course I get stressed judging a surreal situation through wordly eyes ! The shocking proof of recent social mixings has proved this. How could I have forgotten this ? Of course this situation used to destroy me, but when balanced with todays new mood I see a nicer picture than ever before, after all we must have balance.  23 .Ive lived unbalance and eventually it leads to hell. Below is a poem I wrote years ago about this little accessible reality.

Temporary Loss

All seems now lost
Still circles have vanished
Empty rooms beckon
As the everyday is now
Waiting for high tides
To bring me free passage
Return to my dreams ?
But the question is how .

Clouds of the past drift over a moon of the present
Gentle moments remembered
As magic unfolds
Silver moonlight reflected
As memories flicker
What wouldn't I give to once again watch them unfold ?
Slow moonlight shadows drift ghost like till dawn
As shining river valleys move forever seaward bound
Too soon , but too late have I found all the answers
To feel all I wanted
But have nothing to hold .


"  The Initiate gets to use everything, but own nothing... "   Dion Fortune