Brave New World ?

" Happiness is never exciting , unlike a great struggle or crises .... "

Yes Im feeling quite mundane tonight . My everyday world feels quite mundane . I cant find a mood to suit the future . This isn't happiness though as I don't think Ive ever really been happy . Ive felt contented but I know from watching others that I have never been unconditionally happy . Ive felt OK or miserable . I think this mundane feeling I'm having is as close to " happiness " ( does it really exist ? ) Ive ever come .
   This mode of living is do able . Its more balanced but my mind keeps wandering back to the past , but that past is further in the past than I realise . 24hours feels a long , long time at the moment . I judge my life harshly . Days become weeks . Ive said it before but I do feel anaesthetised at the moment . Maybe this is balance ?
   I recently found a really good analogy of how I felt living a peak experience compared to now . It is actually two mixes of a song by Sash . One is the ordinary release and the other is a mix with a darker slower beat and much more deliberate in its pace , more intimate too in its atmosphere . I would post the two side by side as its an excellent example that would explain the difference in my feelings today more than a thousand words ever could . The only problem is the second mix is an obscure one and I cant find it anywhere but I shall keep on trying as its a good example .  

 Literally just now on a radio 4 quiz I have on in the background there was an answer to a question and Brave New World  was mentioned !!!   ? Its been that sort of day ... I have checked out the question on google and Im not mistaken and I did not mis-hear this either . This title came up in relation to the answer : Crome Yellow .

SURELY  THIS IS A PROFOUND MOMENT ???