Despite my best intensions

My water woes continue ... I recently found a hidden hole gobbling up our water supply . I mended it and now another yet to be found major leak is occurring . As fast as I solve water problems new leaks appear . Its as though water is continually trying to beat my best intentions to control it . Of course it is doing just that . An Uncle told me years ago that water " thinks " . Its like and probably effected by our subconscious so ive heard muted around . Nothing would surprise me at all .

" Well you would have it......."

Tonight ive made some very interesting discoveries . Erm , well . I have started re- reading Dion Fortunes  Moon Magic novel  at the moment . And the rest as they say is history.....
  You can run from lifes plan but you cant hide .  Its part of my incredible journey . These people enter my sphere but can never dwell in it . Like ghosts they come and go . I cant hold onto them for long . This upsets my life balance . Its hard work being constantly amazed !
 This is the second " appearance " in my life of this type and believe me when I say I told myself next time it happened I would run ! Those who really know me are now laughing !!! 
 Should I just stick to the everyday life I have like everyone else and get some peace ?  Ive felt something coming a while but have never been sure what . Ive learnt to be pro-active in these situations because its the right thing to do . What are my new tasks and goals to be ? Im as lost as I was at the start.....
  The days are shortening and Autumn is on its way . A full moon is coming and Ive got that feeling of detactment from the everyday . This is a return of my true side again . Well one of my sides . These endeavours are always clothed in risk but as time moves on you loose the fear . 
 " Do what thou whilst shall be the whole of the law ! "  Well ive  lived that moto for 5 years so im seasoned !

Waiting again .

After been alive for a certain length  of time the drip , drip of days becomes a feeling I cant find the words to describe . Trivial , unremarkable maybe ? Im in rock pool waiting for the tide at the moment .

Pagan / Pilgrims ( this post could grow at any time ! )

I got into a bit of a ranting mood last night while watching a rather interesting tv program called Pagans and Pilgrims . To cut a long story short Pagan sites were built on by the church starting in the year 400 AD . The church benefited from the kudos and spiritual history of these sites and erased the Pagan knowledge in the process . Importantly they didn't destroy these sights , they just merged with them .  Most of the  old knowledge was lost . Of course the churches  main religious festivals eclipsed the same dates as the Pagan celebrations or feasts   . Christmas and Easter for example . Its pathetic and petty and extremely clever or parasite like . Fact .
 This was a long time ago and religions have always tried to delete each other in competition so I guess its nothing new......but im still angry !
 I wonder how life was for those ancient Britons . Did they follow the moon cycles in making their plans ? Probably . Would they have mystical experiences near places like Tintagel or Boscastle . I think so . Now imagine that life style as mainstream . With that amount of belief and purposely being in tune with the sun , moon ,sea ect  life must have been fairly heady judging by the fraction ive experienced . Of course only a small percentage of " power " is apparently left at the western power point of Tintagel  according to writers in the know .
  I wrote a post after visiting the excellent  Durham cathedral and how it used occult/ mystical items in its lay out . I shall dig it out and re-post it . So who was the greatest victor in this Christian / Mystical faceoff im not sure . I know for example the Anglican church is bringing back shrines to saints that were destroyed in Henry the 8th reformation . For Christianity to survive modern times it must turn back the clock to more earthy times . People care about the environment today .They dont care so much for morals or been told how to live .

Yes I can do humour !

I arrived home tonight to hear the village church bell ringers practising as they do every Wednesday night . They are very good but tonight they are ringing a touch too fast making their melody positively manic ! Funny if a little unsettling.....

A taboo subject ?

One of the most disturbing things ive experienced in life is watching the complete mental disintegration of several people im  very close to everyday . Ive seen things no one should have to witness . Ive seen a person reduced to a shrieking , howling , jibbering wreck rolling on the ground . It brings tears to my eyes now thinking about it . This has changed my outlook on life . Underneath my outside demeanour I wear a wry smile as we are all equal . We can all fall to destruction . It can happen to " the best of 'em " . Problems seem less serious compared to this suffering in the same way that once youve witnessed death other problems seem far away , well for a while anyway...
 But the worst of it is that medication enabled those I love to function again BUT underneath that medicated thin veneer that horror still lurks , and I never forget this .It haunts me. This suffering is shut away or locked up somewhere . But where ? And for how long ? Also how reall are those on these pills ? They exhibit very subtly different characteristics which is unsettling . Of course after a while you stop noticing the changes which is also not a happy fact . Sorry to be depressing but ive needed to get this out for a while now. Its a tabbo subject alright.....Im no expert but I have seen the sharp end of this problem in others close to me.

Why ?

I dont understand why but esoteric events and things manifesting seem to begin in August .  Maybe its the moon which usually becomes more often visible now . Maybe its the changing light or cumuilation of a summer of the suns energy . A changing season ? Maybe my mind set changes as Autumn approaches in the distance ! God im talking up autumn already , well September will soon be here... Add a full moon and  being near the sea and a female stranger will manifest something . Ive seen it too many times .

Who can frame thy fearful symmetery ?

Its coming up too two years since my last big family holiday . Family as in family and partners and offspring .That week was one of the worst ive experienced in my life . Mentally it was hell . I started to loose hair when I washed , grey hairs started appearing and I started to get thoughts of self harming . I have never felt like that before or at all since .
 The problem was basically too much alcohol ( I don't drink myself )  , hidden family secrets and baggage was outed daily . We all have our baggage and people had theirs  outed daily in a macabre comedy style truth and reconciliation style public  confessional  !  Everyone was joking about it but crying inside . Day four saw me run for my life back home as I saw my turn quickly approaching .
 By the time we reach adulthood most of us carry stuff we can never reveal . This holiday was a perfect storm . It felt pre-ordained . It felt orchestrated . An ambush no less . Looking back I suspect an occult attack no less or some evil force at work . I only mention it know as a similar family holiday had been arranged again but with less " variables " this time . I was looking forward to it but a bizarre coincidence has happened again to someone in my family today , an injury has occurred exactly as it did to this persons partner on the  bad holiday two years ago , nearly to the day . Another dark incident has also become them . Again this feels like an attack today ,hence the memories of the original are on my mind tonight .
 I am still going though on my own and am unsure who else will join me as everyone is so busy nowadays . No doubt I'll not be on my own but ive always fantasised about a solitary holiday wondering whether it would be uplifting or lonely . Sometimes just after my daughter was born I imagined walking the coast path of Cornwall on my own and camping on the cliffs .
 Well its bucketing it down tonight and it has come in dark early . I told you a things were gonna get stranger.....
 

" The universe is just a collection of ideas really.... "    Simon Iff / Aliester Crowley