Whats going on now ?

 I was in a DIY store approaching the check out till last night when I noticed my face on a small screen, and there was a green square following my face where ever I moved. Ive seen cameras on self service check outs, and that makes sense if people are dis-honest when using them, but this camera I could see no use for, especially when the man behind the till said it was not recording, and that was all he knew about it. Apparently supermarkets have them now too so its a growing trend. 

It made me angry to see such a device watching me for some as yet unspecified reason. No doubt the reason will reveal itself, but it seems to me to be part of a new up and coming tracking  system watching what everyone one is doing and where - at home- at work or shopping- online, or even on a hill top. And yet no one bats an eye.

No one will mention the new movement restriction system ULEZ either. Ultra Low Emission Zones that are planned for our cities. Motoring journalists wont comment on it, neither do most You Tube car channels. The news says nothing. They say nothing of our Digital Identity that will soon be rolled out. December they say...

Imagine being refused entry to a shop because of this technology. A lock down for us unvaxxed could then be designed to freeze us out of any public place, or stop us from travelling through a ULEZ zone for whatever trumped up reason they care to dream up. 

Im not really in a writing mood at the moment. Im busy with lambing time, and its not as though I dont have things to write about, but I'll forget an interesting thought ive had during the day by the time I get a chance to log in at night. That happens to be really annoying.

The first signs of spring are barely here yet, but I start to wonder just what mood this up coming Summer will take. Everyone seems to have a unique feel nowadays. Summer makes everything more bearable somehow. Im ready for some sun and a little heat. Last Summer seemed to never end.

Gigi d Agostino star

This song is magick. I think the DJ is aware of this throughout the whole album. I can sense it. The constant beats that rarely changes leads the mind while the song rises and falls soothing and seducing the mind. Its powerful stuff. Its all done for you and all you have to do is drink it all in.

Back in the garden, but in happier times

 Today I had my first tea time sat in the garden this year. In between the showers it got out quite warm, as the sun came out, although it wasnt very high in the sky it shone through the leafless branches nicely. Closing my eyes and listening to the black birds chirping , the jackdaws cackling and the wood pigeons cooing and flapping their wings noisily in the tree tops, ive found it is very grounding. 

The daffodils I planted as bulbs last Christmas are about to flower, and I wondered how I would feel when they finally flowered looking ahead several months. Now the time has come. Like flowers we endure and bloom another year in an eternal cycle. Well not eternal like nature, but I think there is a message here that time keeps moving,

Tonight the heavy showers have started again, and my glimpse of spring feels gone. The weather like our emotions swings back and forth at the changing of season until eventually the swing becomes all encompassing. Its like mentally recovering. It doesnt all come with a sudden bang. The mind swings back and forth until a ground change occurs. I think mine will occur this spring, and my recovery will be in line with the new life this season brings. To be worsening as life all around you is emerging is very unpleasant, especially when your life and work is immersed in nature. It felt awful and isolating as everyone else is blooming mentally at that time of year.

Im dreaming a lot of subtle dreams that I cant fully recall, but they are sometimes about people I used to know in another time, say 20 years ago when life was a different age. As I type certain words emotions I felt in my dreams spark for a second in my mind. The same happens randomly during the day. I get a feeling of healing in a gentle way.  Is my mind is rebooting ?

The only real hickup is that my camping seat is sinking in the soft ground...lol

Im a news junkie

 I dont believe much thats on the news, it makes me angry. I even stop watching it for periods of time as it troubles me. However I always come back for more. Its a cycle. 

Spring

Its raw, its primitive, and its coming to somewhere near you, soon.

Dave Allen on Religion

The one and only Dave Allen. Somehow by just examining Christianities basic building blocks he can paint an absurd conclusion thats based on such simple observations. Through the eyes of a child he points out the bizarre terribleness of Christian beliefs.

I remember seeing his TV shows and howling with laughter. Of course he did stand up about all sorts of subjects, but religion was the one he was most re known for. His dry Irish accent, sometimes smoking and always with a whisky close at hand gave him an every day man persona . It was the 70's after all. Hardly a childhood role model, and my mother didnt like him. I think my dad liked him, but what he made of the religious material I dont know. I think I discovered that side of his comedy much later on in life through You Tube. I think out TV would have been turned off for sure had this clip came on !

Nearly always the truth amounts to a complete reversal ? - Aleister Crowley

 I called in yesterday to see a cousin. He jokingly remarked that I " needed to see a psychiatrist " as I was doing so many things that I used to " slate " He had a point. Why have I become this person I used to mock ??? 

Gotta light | Twin Peaks | Season 3

This morning we had a delivery from a coal yard. The young guy driving is rather unsettling and his dark brooding eyes, and beard and a face thats tainted with coal dust really reminded me of this scene from the latest Twin Peaks series. This guy never says a word either unless spoken to.

I wont waste time saying how unbelievably surreal and dark this series was, despite it being a sequel to an all ready famous original series. David Lynch seems to find horror in seemingly distant American images or old movie stereotypes. Images that are deep in our minds, or rather American minds. Sometimes these images are of every day places like a petrol filling station. And what goes on in a place like that when no one is there ?! Who knows ?

 America seems to have a fear of the remote rural areas. Films often portray people getting stranded in the small town. Being such a huge country I guess the fear of not being able to travel comes out more in people ? 

 

I think also as the character looks like a miner or someone very working class that this is also subconsciously chilling us. What if we are suddenly surrounded by people we cannot understand or fathom? People with past values who are now alien to us. These types of people are rapidly dying out before our eyes. This is something thats come up in my counseling. The changing of the guard.

Project Pitchfork - Ascension - ( Version 2 ) - Lyrics -

This is the key to 2023. A way forward through tragedies must be built. I must accept lifes awful turns, while also not letting them dominate me entirely, but realize they are all part of the big picture. To understand them, and hold them in a position thats comfortable and doable for me. I dont want to drown again in anything. Easier said than done.

Saint Etienne - He's On The Phone (Official Video)

This song captures the uncertainty, and excitement of hanging around in someones house you,ve fallen for... Remember doing that ?  There is something whimsical and retro about this song that captures an optimistic age. 

He might be " on the phone ", but " he " but that key board player isnt really playing that key board...lol

Home sweet home ?

 Yesterday I awoke to the sound of two police vans racing past our house with sirens blaring. Not something we usually see here, unless a certain local family feud has kicked off again. That seems to have died down nowadays though. It was also a bit early for an accident to have occurred.

Anyway it turns out a rumor has it that a man tried to strangle his partner, a well known local woman. For a few weeks ive seen him just standing by the single track road doing nothing, just loitering. I thought this was not normal behavior at all. If he had been walking up and down the road I would have not batted an eye. There was just something off about him. He looked to be brooding. 

This valley is nothing more than a rural ghetto. Just below the surface lies violence, misery and malice. Its no different to anywhere else, in fact I think considering the low population spread its worse. There is a dark under current. A methodist preacher in this area once said he had a vision of a " dark cloud " hanging over the valley. A dark history certainly does regarding slavery, and a story of a massacre that was launched against freed slaves who attacked people once their freedom was finally won...

It is now the Ideas of March no doubt. People get ideas about the coming summer after a dormant winter. For some its building projects and home improvements, but for some its a breaking point, as for me last year. This contrast of good and bad is hard to reconcile. The beautiful scenery and the human negativity. Only a few can deal with the full picture that no one ever mentions. Its something that I'm coming to terms with. I want everyone here to see the truth, the full truth.

When life gives you lemons then make lemonade ?

Mid life crisis ?

I bought these rather spazzy pedals for my bike today. On taking my bike to have the gears adjusted I was told the tyres I had fitted were too wide and were fouling the gear change mechanism...lol Its just like cars all over again, but in a 2 wheeled way. Yes, those are my feet.

Get a grip ?!

 This van is parked right outside the building where I meet for counselling. The slogan " get a grip " seems very pointed, and is a strange synchronicity. It amuses me, and makes me wonder if anyone else sees it as I do, as being rather alarming. Funny, but also mocking. I tend to notice things like this around me.

Im not paying !

 

  

Im not paying £1.99 for a can of rice pudding, however much I love it. It was £1.50 last week. So that £10 for 5 cans ! I came home and made an apple crumble instead. I need to learn how to make home rice pudding myself. I remember my mothers was too thick or too runny so Im not holding up much hope that mine will be consistent.