The problem is the vaccine. Covid will not be allowed to disappear before the solution.

The end ?

 I actually felt relaxed today. Thats the first time this Christmas. Its been awful, but I think or hope my downward spiral has bottomed out today. Its been very useful posting about this December descent and when viewed as whole my posts show a slow build to a dark influence. My random post of the dam collapse I found on You tube predicted the awful water trouble ive had for instance. Im hoping this full moon brings this horrible circuit of negative energy to a close. 

Mean while on Face Book I came across a meme about how the sun stops still for I think it was the 3 days before Christmas but on Christmas day it starts to move again as it is " reborn " This overlaps with the worst of my luck and moods for December. Ive always felt a marked improvement in my outlook on Boxing Day. 

Moods can be worked on but luck cannot. I dont want to go through this again next year. Now to try and have some fun before this festive season in over !

Everything in my life is becoming unsustainable...

" The world doesnt revolve around you Dad ! "

 I made the mistake of taking a shopping trip into town on Boxing day today. Anything I wanted was out of stock or the store was closed. After a bad week I suddenly realized on the drive home how hard it has become to acquire what was once so easy. I keep being told in stores that they dont sell the items Im wanting much anymore. Time is gradually making me an irrelevance. Goods in general are not being marketed at me. Cars for example are now rapidly heading towards being electric. Im being by past and its going to get worse...

There is a storm blowing outside tonight and it wet and cold.

Merry Christmas, eh ?

 Dec 22nd -  Water bowl for cows stops working. Buy and fit new one

Dec 23rd- Water bowl at other side of building snaps off flooding building and the stop tap breaks at the same time !?

Dec- 24th Another water bowl gets air locked. Wifes newly repaired bumper has scrape on it. I go for a drive and ABS sensor wire wears through on driveshaft. Power steering packs up due to low oil level all of a sudden. Mother reverses into neighbors car. 1000 liter water container falls of tractor in yard.

This is what I have to put with and its quite normal for Christmas. Last night as the wind got up and the early dusk set In I could feel that force that vents its anger here every December. Its an emotion of bitter joy in the air. I can feel the festive vibe but everything thats happening here to me is isolating me from it with a vengeance. Easter is the same funnily. Everything goes haywire then to. It seems to be the religious holidays that are the problem and hence ive grown to hate them, really hate them.

Update Dec- 26th Another bowl has started leaking and a neighbors water pipe has burst. WTF 

Zoom carol service gate crashed !

 Well, well, well..If I didnt see this with my own eyes and have it confirmed by another then I would have not believed it. Somehow amongst the Christmas carol subtitles on a local Zoom service the name CATHERINE randomly appeared. As I live next door to the original site that gave inspiration to Wuthering Heights this is striking in the extreme. It gets better when I look at my Face Book memories though as I made a joke 3 years ago to the day about her character.

What could have caused this ? Lots of local people " gathered " but separate concentrating on a single goal ? Im getting palpations here. Oh, and last but not least a film crew have been scouting the property with the view to making a " Bronte " film. CAN YOU SEE IT YET ?

Live as if...

 " Behave like you already have the new strain of virus " 

Im saying no to that insanity.

Anger is the prelude to ACTION !!!

People have started saying " My days " instead of " My God "

 

And so it starts...

. Today I woke up and every muscle and joint hurt. I had zero energy. A freak accident occurred when one of our dogs fell off the quad bike but was still attached by its chain. It made no sound at all so by the time  realized what had happened it had scraped and cut its legs. Had I not noticed at all I could have dragged it to its death. I felt sick.

 The nights have turned that Winter ink black. Ive regained a little energy tonight after an afternoon sleep. The phone kept ringing every 10 minutes though. This often happens when I try to have a day time sleep. I ignored it... Turns out my wife was stuck in a field after her car slid off a track. Whoops !

 My head feels thick and my eyes are sore. Im fighting to keep a sociable air to me. Each negative feeling is expanding daily. Christmas street lights look watery and irritating. Well this is that Christmas land Im drifting into. Can you see it ? Its like an alternative black anti happiness season ? 

Gary Numan Hybrid Album

Taken from the best Numan album I think. Or rather ive stopped looking much further after finding this double album of his remixed songs. My CD is worn out now after 2 years . Apparently remixed by the best of the best Goth bands and boy does it sound good, not that im into Goth really... There are some very dark lyrics and images on a lot of the tracks. Definitely a winter album.

Kaboom !

 I dont know how to explain this without sounding utterly mad but twice this week ive experienced a loud bang not in my ears but in my thoughts !

 The first instance saw the noise ( is it technically a noise if only I heard it ) manifest as I was daydreaming half asleep and the second as I awoke. Ive never experienced anything like this before. What else can I say ?Sound in our thoughts is nothing new but an unexpected sudden violent noise that intrudes on our thoughts is something totally new to me. Its deeply unsettling as this is no subtle thing. This must be profound. Something is happening...

Bleak

 

Self sabotage

  As the days shorten I begin to get a growing urge to buy hand tools. There is a deep pleasure and satisfaction to this. I guess this goes hand in hand with my fixing bug that also grows with December and the fading light. I am on a sliding scale here and it will end in tears by Christmas. The compulsion to tinker gets over whelming and my judgement worsens. Team this up with the entropy that grows daily until New Year and I will do something I regret.

Good is stronger than evil ?

 Its quite bizarre  ( yes Ive finally found spell checker ) that another was blogger recently examining the war between good and evil and whether there is a winner in the long run. Which is stronger then and why is this so ? A Face Book memories post popped up last week from around 5 years ago in which I gave my theory as to which is the greater and why.

The whole idea was prompted by the scandal a few years ago regarding  my childhood hero Jimmy Saville. Now here was a darling of family TV and indeed childrens TV. I watched his tea time show in which he made childrens wishes come true. This was a very well known show in the 70's and 80's He also raised MILLIONS for charity and hospitals. How could anyone like this fall from grace ? Unfortunately after his death the truth came out that he was a serious child abuser on a horrific scale. So was he good or evil ? How could and why would he be both ? 

We have all heard the tales of " Damascus road " type of conversions where an evil person has undergone a dramatic conversion to devoting their time and assets to a force for good. For example Nicky Cruz the gang member from what I can recall who suddenly left his old life behind and followed the good path. Im showing my age dropping that name..lol Was it the TV evangelist Billy Graham who preached his story ? I think it was. Anyway it seems that good can totally eradicate evil in a case like this. But what about the good man who is corrupted by evil ? 

When evil tempts a good man you would think it would utterly destroy the good as good can do to evil, but no, the good part carries on and lives in a strange tandem with evil. Rarely does evil destroy the good in a man utterly. Their are countless examples in the media of the outing of good mens failings but the good they are still doing suddenly gets ignored and after all how can we accept such a contradiction ? We like absolutes and no ambiguity.

So good can destroy evil totally and even where it succumbs to the seduction of evil rarely does it do so 100% . For example a child abusing Priest, does he suddenly leave the church and live out an orgy of evil destruction, no. His good works continue. You might not like it, but continue they do and thats a very important point to note. A profound one. Good can still flourish along side evil. Uncomfortably maybe, but it can. Its with these two ideas that I conclude that good is stronger than evil. Can anyone be 100 % evil ? Now that is a question !

Stop me if im wrong ?!

 If a wise man today disregards what he believed once to be a truth years ago... and if I today am undecided on the merits of said subject...does this make ME ahead of him on the curve ? If i am undecided I am not falling foul of any falsehood. The future is not set in concrete...