Ghosts of the past or ghosts of the future ?

Big Brother comes to the hills !

I think ive actually managed to downloaded the film of my Dad on that day. Its just not right. Words fail me. These modern times. What can you say ? Today an email arrived from a conservation group about quads being where they shouldnt on the hill. It was a general letter to all those who farm the land.

 

Fuming !

 So I tried to contact my private health ear specialist today only to find she is off work for 2 weeks. I ask when my appointment might be to discuss a solution and Im told I need a CT scan first and there is a 6 week wait. Ive paid around £500 now and all ive got is a quick sinus inspection, some vitamins and minerals and a rather impressive hearing test that tells me my ears are too sensitive which I already know. This has not gone well. Ive been on a merry go round of false hope. I have now rung the hearing center that did the test on the off chance they have some kind of hearing plug sound calmer or something. This is the sum total of 2 months. I am also going back to the NHS to see if increasing my dose of anti depressants slightly might improve things for me. I mean they have helped with noise and if it a mental issue... Thank goodness ive made some improvement and im in a more  comfortable position in daily life than I was , even if I dont feel up to socializing or travelling far. Its funny how everything is bullshit in the end, even when you pay for it. Lesson learned.

Gamekeeper shoots then buries two short-eared owls in Whernside, Yorkshi...

To the outsider a hill or a fell just looks like a remote waste land where nothing ever happens. The truth is however that these areas are highly regulate and often conservation bodies clash with framers and shooting syndicates. They are hot beds of tension. A few years ago this film was shot in a sting operation. At the time I couldnt believe the long distance filming that took place and the effort that was put into this operation. I mean who would you expect to be watching up there ? " Fun " fact - this guy bullied me verbally at secondary school and made my life a misery every day, along with others.

     So why am I bringing this up now ? Well last night the replacement game keeper sent me a film of my Dad driving a quad bike on the fell accidentally too near to the nest of a protected species. There is a hidden camera near the nest obviously. Its just beyond odd how times have changed. In a town you may expect to be watched and filmed, but out on a fell or hill top with not a human in site ? 

    Its a curse of YouTube that once something is uploaded by someone else its permanent unless they have broke some legal rule I guess. I wonder how it feels to be outed like this ? Imagine it was you for some reason ? Im not debating the wrongs or rights of this film rather the disturbing fact that Big Brother is watching you, even in the countryside. Actually it was audio recording that happened in the countryside in the novel, but whatever. There is no where out of sight anymore.

What Led to Kate Spade's Suicide?

Its happened AGAIN !!!   Kates brother quotes " Its a rough world. TRY TO HANG ON "

My last Orwell book, for now !

 So I finished reading George Orwells Burma Days last night. Its a revealing story he wrote about his time spent in service over there. I had my own preconceptions about empire, but I had no idea how convoluted the relationships were  between the different races. For starters some Burmese held the Europeans aloft as an archetype that could do no wrong and the Europeans were openly civil to the Burmese, but in times of trouble each sided automatically with their own as a rule.

I found it amusing to learn that single women who couldnt find a husband in the UK were often sent to relations who lived in small Burmese villages to see if they could fare better there as white women were in short supply. Of course back then a womans only hope of not living in poverty was marriage and being kept... so marriage was a huge deal then, unlike today.

Orwell was ashamed of his actions and attitudes as a young man serving in the military police. Especially the way a blind eye was turned to injustices. I sometimes wondered if I was seeing certain aspects of dubious people in the novel being drawn from his own views at the time.

The final few pages actually had me shaking a little, I was so shocked at the final plot twist when the main character commits suicide as he cannot have the woman he wants despite coming so close twice. It says a lot about the bleakness of empire life when it is stated as a fact that suicide was common and raised no eye brows amongst white Europeans. Have you ever read a story where the ending is suicide ? It is most unusual and disturbing.

Well I finally finished the book having being interrupted by illness, just like the last book I read of his before Christmas. I dare not read another of Orwell one ...lol

 Ive had to cancel our holiday caravan that we were due in the the last week of May. I couldnt gamble £500 that was non returnable if I wasnt well enough to go. Its ironic that Im living virtually a lockdown existence now. 

A U-turn within 24 hours

 After having questioned the value of snychronicities this happened... Last night I ordered The Old Man And The Sea by Earnest Hemingway. During the night I bizzarely dreamt about a blue bomber jacket I used to wear. In the morning when I got up it had dropped off its peg onto the floor. I haven't worn it for about 5 years. I associate it with my mystical period that started about 10 years ago. I used to wear it when I was into Dion Fortunes novel The Sea Priestess. Its blue colour  I always felt was rather nautical. In fact it matches the cover of the old book too. I take this as a sign to re-read the book again, this time in a less heady mood than 10 years ago.

 Its happened again this morning. My dogs spring loaded clip had come undone from its collar. Its impossible for this to happen. The clip is spring loaded and needs to be held open and unhooked. Its not possible to happen, but it keeps happening. Thank goodness I have a mesh door thats closed just in case this happens. Next doors new chickens have not escaped its eye recently. At first I thought someone was unleashing it on purpose, but as the door is still closed that makes no sense.