The Ramones- i wanna be sedated (lyrics)

The problem with holidays is that all the things you manage to out run while working finally catch up with you. Im exhausted and its only been a weekend break....

As the days brighten and the sun gets higher I notice all the imperfections that the new brighter light exposes. Buildings look drabber after all the winters rain, my car has more scratches that once the dark winter light was until now hiding, and my clothes can suddenly be seen to be more worn than I suspected. It is the same every year. The brighter light exposes all these annoyances and imperfections. Everything suddenly looks more worn out.

Another 2 tiny feathers have fallen right in front of my face today. One was outside and the other in the house. Last time this happened I had a near fatal accident shortly afterwards. I saw them as a sign at the time. I don't know what will happen this time

Dirty rusty morbid moon

Reflects the blood and bile of life

Slow motion clouds drift

As does time

Death taints red the sky

As charcoal clouds slide grimly by.

Today a single white feather fell into a bunch of Snow Drops outside our back door...

Watchmen - Death of the Comedian 1080p

This is how I feel. Middle aged and soon to be obsolete or deleted by life. Im slowly losing my perception on how this age works and how people expect me to act.

My new car has a worn gear box... I seem to be stuck in a negative cycle of mechanical hell. It never ends and knows no reason. Its been a long and complex event that is beyond chance. One spin off is that at the end of it I will have much better people skills and a greater confidence at laying down the law to others.

Last night I woke up feeling utterly drained and dizzy having laid on one side far too long. The very air of the room seemed cold and dry and felt as though it were eating away at me. Adding to this was a feeling of cold sweat and a subtle looming panic that half my soul had been eaten away and if I hadn't woken then I don't know what would have happened. It was only after hearing a familiar sound of our dogs barking outside that I felt my old self returning back like a trickle that became a flood. Physically and mentally I felt I was dying in the middle of the night. I though I had lost more of me than could be recovered again. A feeling of illness behind a veil yet to come filled my mind.  It was horrible.
  

Last Spring some birds were nesting in a farm building of ours and they dropped some random pages of an old Bible onto the floor. When I picked them up and read them I was quite amazed. It seems that the theme was about ridding ourselves of unhealthy influences and people.

Propaganda - Duel

What can I say ?

Something very odd happened last night. I was watching Tales of the Unexpected, and  this episode contained a woman who played Bach to her cat on a piano. And what was the cats name ? Sebastian !

Gigi D'Agostino - Silence "vision2" ( Underconstruction 1 )

Ive only just recently been able to listen to this track / album again. This takes me back to my peak experience days. It was Winter as it is now. I remember driving down our country lane and being aware of every snow flake as it fell. That spell of  cold weather that occurred over Christmas had its very own  separate atmosphere. It felt  as though it was almost holy, but in a pagan way.The frosts were particularly hard at night, and the moon was a Wintery cold white colour. One day there was even the rumble of an earth quake that occurred locally. All in all this was too much to deal with. I was overpowered by life in a bitter sweet way. The hollow silvery sound of this track captures perfectly how it felt inside.



There are also two very strange things about this mix. At the very beginning there is the sound of a crackling fire on a sea shore. At that time that fire crackling sound started to appear in adverts and various mediums in my sphere. It was very surreal. The second strange thing is the way the male singers voice merges into a male voice at the end of the first vocals. This is very well done and has a gender blending tone to it. This excites me. No idea why because its very odd.